- Hey Penny, come on in.
- Hey, guys.
- See a Penny, pick her up,
and all the day you'll have good luck.
- No, you won't.
(canned laughter) (upbeat music)
Give me back my key.
- I'm very, very sorry.
- Do you understand how creepy this is?
- Oh, yes. We discussed it at length last night.
- In my apartment while I was sleeping.
- And snoring.
And that's probably just a sinus infection,
but it could be sleep apnea.
You might want to see an otolaryngologist,
the throat doctor.
- And what kind of doctor remove shoes from asses?
- Depending on the depth,
that's either a proctologist or a general surgeon.
Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny.
- Oh, what, what, what?
- This is a complex battle simulation
with a steep learning curve.
There are myriad weapons, vehicles, and strategies
to master, not to mention an extremely intricate backstory.
(bomb exploding)
Oh cool, whose head did I just blow off?
- Mine.
- Hey guys, this package came for you.
- Dr. Cooper is working.
- Yes, I'm close to a breakthrough.
Oh, tickles.
- Sorry.
Holy crap on a cracker.
- Hey, Penny.
- Hi.
You know, you probably don't want to go in there.
- Why? What are they doing?
- The only way I could explain it would be
in a therapist's office with dolls.
Oh no, are all the machines taken?
What are you gonna do?
- No problem.
I'll just do my laundry another night.
- Another night? Well, I guess you can try.
But, deep inside your heart you'll know
that laundry night is always Saturday night.
- Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
- Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.
- Come on, I wanna stop at Walgreens
and pick up some more eyeliner.
- They're gonna get beaten up at that club.
- They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.
Yo, Raj, talk to me.
I'm sorry, just screwing with you.
Hey Howard, why haven't you called Bernadette?
- Did she say something?
- Yeah, she said she hasn't heard from you in a week.
I thought you liked her.
- I do, but she wants a commitment.
And I'm not sure if she's my type.
- She agreed to go out with you for free.
What more do you need?
- Well, I'd ask you guys if you want dessert,
but I know Sheldon doesn't eat dessert on Tuesdays.
And even if Raj wanted something, he couldn't tell me.
Howard wont order anything,
but he will come up with some sort of skeevy comment
involving the words pie or cheesecake.
And Leonard's lactose intolerance,
so he can't eat anything here
without his intestines blowing up like a balloon animal.
Hey, guys.
- More Halloween candy?
Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?
- Oh yeah, that's gone.
It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit
at the same time.
You know, those girls text me every detail
of their lives as it happens.
- I'm not signing a prenup.
- All right, Howard Wolowitz, listen up.
You sign anything she puts in front of you
because you are the luckiest man alive.
If you let her go, there is no way you can find anyone else.
Speaking on behalf of all women, it is not gonna happen.
We had a meeting.
- Yeah, are you familiar with the Higgs boson?
- Of course.
It is, it's been in the news and it's a very famous boson.
- Nice try.
- Now, in 1964, Dr. Peter Higgs,
accomplished self-promoter and physicist,
he wrote a paper postulating
the existence of a subatomic particle called
the Higgs boson.
Now, initially the paper was rejected.
But recently, he was proven right.
And now, he's on the fast track to win a Nobel Prize.
- Yeah, that's basically what I said.
- Come on, we must know somebody
who can do manly stuff like this.
- Sup?
- If you're not in the mood for coffee,
I can always make you a chai tea 3PO.
- Oh, I get it, like C-3PO.
What happened to me?
- When Darth Vader struck down Obi-Wan,
did Luke cry like a baby and go to his funeral?
- No, he blew up the Death Star. Why do I know this?
- Before you go, at least let me pack you some
Attack of the Scones for the road.
- Oh, like Attack of the Clones. We are leaving right now.
Hi.
- Hey. How are things on the set?
- Pretty good, actually.
- The movie's not as bad as you thought?
- Oh no, it is.
But, I decided instead of complaining about it,
I'm just gonna go in every day and give it my all.
- Good for you.
- Thanks.
There's no reason why I shouldn't be
the best bisexual go-go dancer slowly transforming
into a killer gorilla anyone's ever seen.
- Why do you think you'd make
a good pharmaceutical sales rep?
- Well, I'm a people person.
People like me. Some of my favorite people are people.
I feel like I'm saying people a lot,
people, people, people.
Okay, I'm done.
- You sure?
- People. Yes.
Your mom's never been too thrilled with our relationship.
Maybe I should get her something so she warms up to me.
- If you could run out and get a PhD,
that might make her like you.
- Really? It didn't work for you.
I don't think any of your comfort zones are showing.
- Yeah, it's your third date.
Maybe you could go more sexy.
- Well, some people think the sexiest organ is the brain.
- No one ever bought me drinks at a bar
because my brain just popped out of my shirt.
- Look, I get it.
It's still my room. We haven't really made it yours.
- Thank you.
- Which is why I got you this pink Power Ranger.
Put it anywhere you like.
- Okay, but you may feel some discomfort.
He stole my comment.
- I know. But on the other hand, do you really care?
- Yes, I care. This happens to me all the time.
People take one look at me
and assume I don't know what I'm talking about.
- I'm sure that's not true.
- I'm sorry, are you saying I don't know
what I'm talking about?
- It's just a haircut and some clothes.
- No, it's the last straw. I can't take any more.
(bell dinging)
(audience cheering)
- You believe it? They finally fixed the elevator.