Hey everybody and happy fifth of July to all Americans like me who are still celebrating
the fourth of July.
Thanks to everybody who commented on last week's Ask Cristen video 'Can feminists make
porn?' to which elisaday56 said, 'As a feminist who makes porn, yes! Porn is like all media.
Some is garbage and harmful, some is mediocre, some is fine and a bit revolutionary, political,
queer and feminist. People don't say we need to get rid of all TV because some of it is
terrible but for some reason, people say the same thing about porn.' What better person
to get insight on the question of whether feminists can make porn than a feminist who
makes porn. Alicia Adelman also had some good advice. 'Volunteering is a great way to meet
someone! Find something you are passionate about and meet other people that are passionate
about it as well. It's a great way to help expand your social network!' Not only are
you potentially expanding your social network but you're also helping your community in
the meantime which is a win-win! Finally Desean Jackson asked, 'Hey Cristen I have a question.'
Hey Desean. 'Can you please answer my question in next week's episode?' Yes. Did I answer
it? This week's Ask Cristen question is one that I have a feeling that most if not all
of us can relate to in one way or another. This is coming from madpinkhatter. 'I've been
with my boyfriend for about a year and half now and a few weeks ago I told him I loved
him for the first time which he replied with, "I was not expecting that." I've tried to
carry on as normal but I'm really struggling inside myself not to feel hurt. I'm struggling
even more with this as I'm going away to university in September and we've agreed on a long-distance
relationship. Help?' The experience of putting yourself out there verbally like that, saying
'I love you' and not necessarily getting what you hoped for in return is unfortunately a
common thing. There was actually a study I found looking at unrequited love. Only two
percent of the participants had never experienced unrequited romantic feelings for someone.
When it comes to your situation you say you've been with this guy for a year and a half and
he kind of did a little bit of a moonwalk away from that. It doesn't sound to me like
you've been able to have a conversation about how you're feeling about his reaction to you
saying I love you. You're trying to put pieces together and to some extent make excuses for
him. I've been where you're standing, where I've said I love you and gotten the uhhh,
I don't know kind of reaction, hopefully not cross-eyed. I hope you didn't do this. And
I've also been on his side of the relationship where you hear an I love you and you don't
say it back immediately. You need to kind of sit on it. Sort of feel like, feel what
you're feeling. But you can't just leave the 'I love you' out there hanging in the ether
and it sounds like he's trying to leave it out there hanging and left it up to you to
reconcile with yourself and while he might be very loving toward you and sounds like
he has some self-esteem issues to work on, that's not for you to work on for him. It
is not your responsibility to shoulder the entire emotional burden of this relationship.
What you risk being seventeen or eighteen years old, about to go to university, having
a long distance relationship with someone who is not so great at communication is that
you're going to spend a lot of energy on this person back here instead of possibly taking
advantage of new opportunities and meeting new people, friends or otherwise, possibly
miss out on some really fun and cool things. It just doesn't to me sound like a relationship
that's going to be in your best interest or his best interest for the long term. I'm not
throwing your boyfriend under the bus, it's okay if you're on the side of the relationship
where you hear I love you and you realize that you're not ready to say that back. That's
not an excuse to just let the other person carry all of the emotion and expression in
a relationship. I think you need to talk to him. If he can't move forward from this, move
on. But I am really curious to know from viewers if you've been in a situation where you have
delivered an unrequited I love you and how did you deal with it, how did you move on
from that? Do you think that there is a given amount of time that you should wait before
you drop the L-bomb? Or wait is it L-bomb? Which one is it on-camera? Let me know what
kind of videos you'd like to see on my channel, the kinds of things you want to learn more
about, what should I research, what should I talk about, what kind of wigs should I put
on?