-Good evening, everybody. I'm Seth Meyers.
This is "Late Night."
We hope you're all doing well.
And now, let's get to the news.
President Biden appeared last night on an NBC special
celebrating Betty White and then again on "Chicago Fire."
[ Laughter ]
Former President Trump reportedly told
his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani, to ask
the Department of Homeland Security
if they could legally seize voting machines
from swing states.
Said Trump, "Wrong. I never said legally."
That's right, after losing the election in 2020,
former President Trump reportedly asked
if Homeland Security could seize voting machines in swing states.
And if you're wondering whether or not that's evil,
let me point you to the word "seize."
It's always evil when "seize" is involved.
For example, you will hear a villain say,
"Seize them, you fools!"
But you'll never, ever hear anyone say,
"Hey, good news. The mayor has seized
more funding for the arts."
It was reported yesterday that some of
the Trump White House records that were turned over
to the House committee investigating the Capitol attack
had been ripped up and taped back together.
And from the looks of it, so had some of the witnesses.
Wow.
"What happened, Steve?" "Oh, I fell in the shredder."
Former President Trump's political team
announced yesterday that he amassed over $120 million
in his war chest. Or as he told the IRS,
$1.2 million.
You know, I told the monologue writers this morning --
I said, "Remember, tonight,
David Letterman's going to be here."
[ Cheers and applause ]
"So bring -- bring your 'A' game."
And to a person, every single one of them said,
"That's today?"
In a new interview, New Jersey Governor Phil Murphy
said that the state needs to, quote,
"learn to live with the coronavirus pandemic,"
not to mention melanoma.
"The New York Times" has reportedly paid
in the low seven figures to acquire
the daily word game, Wordle.
But I got it in six.
I was so happy.
I'm doing Wordle jokes. They finally started to work.
[ Laughs ]
Producers have announced a new prequel television series
based on the movie musical "Grease"
that will take place four years before the start of the film
when the students were still in their early 30s.
The national weather service in Florida
warned over the weekend that the cold temperatures
could immobilize iguanas, calling them to fall out
of trees and appear dead.
Experts added that residents would only have a very limited
window to arrange them in funny positions on their lawn.
I think we know they'd be dirtier than that.
And finally, Krispy Kreme has released
its Valentine's Day menu.
It's the perfect way to literally win someone's heart.
As our monologue writer, Mike Scollins,
who thought to himself, you know,
the way to absolutely make sure the last joke
in the monologue -- should note that was the last one --
the way to make sure it lands is end
with a picture of a man in the hospital.
That way even if you don't get the joke --
[ Laughs ]
That was a monologue, everybody.