- When you're talking about the running,
for instance, you got to focus on how it makes you feel.
And often when you start to run,
it makes you feel uncomfortable
and then afterwards, it makes you feel euphoric.
But your feelings are the most real thing you have.
and if you want to coach yourself,
go to your feelings, look at what you're feeling.
And we're taught in the Western world something terrible,
which is whatever you're feeling,
eat that feeling, shop that feeling,
Netflix, push that feeling away and go and do something,
anything not to feel.
But when you push your feelings away,
they regroup and they come back stronger
and you push them back again.
And the best thing you can do as a coach
and as a self-coach is to really listen to your feelings
'cause your feelings are like a classroom of children
going, hey, here I am, notice me
and if you don't, they just become louder.
So listen to your real feeling and then decide
your feelings are the most real thing you have
but your feelings are yours to change.
And when you change them, you change everything.
- What does it really take to master the rules of the mind?
Hi there and welcome to Evercoach.
The leading online training platform for coaches.
This is your host, Ajit Nawalkha
and today, we are talking about effective tools
on how to coach yourself.
Now don't forget to hit that red subscribe button first,
so you can get a notification every time
a new video comes out, every single week.
Now, let's hit it.
According to world renowned speaker,
Hypnotherapist and bestselling Author, Marisa Peer
self-coaching is really simple,
once you understand the three beliefs
that are under every problem that you or your clients face.
- And there's only three things wrong with you.
And when you're coaching yourself,
if you look at the three things that could be wrong with you
and fix those, you don't need to fix anything else.
So when clients turn up for coaching,
they often have a shopping list of what they want
and if you look at the list carefully,
you'll begin to see
oh, it's what I call what lies beneath.
What is really going on when someone comes in
and says, "I always sabotage, I always procrastinate.
I'm scared of failure."
They're often scared of success.
When someone comes in and says, you know,
"I know I should be working on my business plan
but I'm lying on the sofa,
eating potato chips and drinking beer."
That's not what you work on.
You work on what lies beneath and what lies beneath
is only ever going to be three things.
The big one is, of course I'm not enough,
which is why I found the I'm Not Enough movement.
When people have addictions or issues
or they hold themselves back, or they sabotage themselves,
it's always because they have this belief of I'm not enough.
If I'm not enough, I'm not worth it.
And if you fix that, you will fix everything.
But the second one, which is very interesting
is I want something but it's not available.
I want success but I never went to university.
My parents didn't have a book in the house.
I didn't go to college and of course,
nowadays, that is irrelevant.
So many people who didn't go to college,
didn't have a degree and didn't come from money,
have done so well.
In health coaching, I meet people who say,
"You know, I just want to be well
but I've got the depressed gene.
I've got the alcoholic gene."
There is actually no such thing as the depressed gene,
you learn what you live.
If you see your mom going, "I've got the depression",
then it's the same thing as seeing your mom going,
"I've got terrible cramps, it's my time of month."
You learn what you live, you become that expectation.
Thing wrong with you, which is so interesting
is this belief that I'm different.
And if I'm different, I can't really connect.
I can't connect with you 'cause I'm not like you.
And actually, our greatest fear is to be different.
Our greatest fear is of course not making it and dying
but of course the more you're the same,
the more likely you are to connect.
In tribal times we look the same, we did the same.
We were in a tribe and safety was a numbers game.
And as long as you were like everyone else,
you were part of that tribe.
But now we live in multicultural worlds
and it's very easy to go, "You know, I'm so different
And I can't connect".
Well I say, you know what? That's everyone's fear.
And honestly, if you think you're different,
you know what that makes you?
Makes you the same as everyone
and it makes everyone the same as you,
because that's your greatest fear
and I worked with so many troubled teens
and they say, "You know, I'm different.
I'm the only kid at school who's poor."
- If you take a closer look to any of your clients,
or your own challenges,
you'll realize that the core issue of all problems
lie on one of these three takes.
Think about a challenge you're having right now
and ask yourself, why is this challenge
actually a challenge?
Which of the three beliefs is affecting me?
How is this belief showing up?
Why is this belief showing up?
Ask yourself why you're extending a behavior
that doesn't allow you to get to the goal
that you really want.
This is really important.
Why are you sabotaging yourself
and stopping yourself from achieving your goals?
Is it your belief that you're not good enough?
Is it that what you want is not available?
Or is it that you believe that you are different?
Identifying the underlying issue to any challenge
that might be stopping you from achieving your goals
is the most important step to overcoming it
but you can't overcome your challenge
just by being conscious about the belief.
The belief is not serving you.
The next step is to reframe these beliefs
into ones that will serve you.
- Stop telling yourself it's not available
and go, everything is available to me, with bells on.
Stop telling yourself that you're not enough and say
I am enough because your mind doesn't stop
to think about what you say, when you say I'm not enough.
It says, well, that's true.
When you go I am enough, it says, well, that's true.
When you say I'm different,
it looks for reasons to justify why you're different.
When you say I'm the same, it does exactly the same thing.
You know, you make your beliefs
but then your beliefs meet you.
And then even more weird is that the world starts
to honor whatever you believe.
And if you believe that cats are vicious, scratchy things
and are horrible selfish creatures, they'll scratch you.
If you believe, oh, they're the most lovely,
cuddly, yummy things, then they'll lie on your lap
and purr because your thoughts are an energy
that radiates out from you and back to you.
People, even animals that match your thinking.
You know, you think your thoughts out into the world.
It kind of thinks them back.
And we know that, but we should know,
well, why don't you just change your thoughts then?
And that's part of being a great coach.
Really look at your thoughts, challenge them and then say
but why do I even believe that?
Who told me that?
What were they basing that on?
- What a powerful statement.
You make your beliefs and then your beliefs make you.
Whatever we tell ourselves is what our mind believes.
The mind has no capacity to reason with you.
You have to learn how to coach yourself
to let go of these beliefs
and reframe them into beliefs that work for you.
Once you've practiced this on yourself,
you'll be able to teach your clients to do it too.
What's your go-to self-coaching technique?
Share it with us in the comment section below.
So we have ident%ified the beliefs we need to change.
How can we coach ourselves to reframe it?
Well, start with understanding,
where does that belief come from?
Go back to your childhood or younger years,
identify a time in your life when this belief showed up
and think about the circumstances, culture and people
that may have influenced your thinking.
When we grow up, we learn what we see, how people act,
how they think, how they live.
We grow up being familiar with certain conditions
and unfamiliar to those things we don't know.
And when we are facing a challenge,
it's a challenge because it's unfamiliar.
We are not used to the situation
and therefore our mind, whose role is to protect us,
reacts by holding us back and sabotaging our goals.
- It is a rule of the mind that we like what's familiar
and we don't like what's unfamiliar
Here's another rule,
you can make anything you like familiar.
You know, for years and years of my life,
I got on a plane and I turned right for years and years,
I went on the train in normal economy
and I didn't know any better.
I didn't think anything of it.
But as I became successful,
my clients would always send me first class plane tickets,
first-class rail tickets.
And of course, once turning left becomes familiar,
you think, Oh no.
Now I can't go back to the other way
because it's become familiar.
It's like when I very first spoke on stage,
I always remember years and years ago,
being asked to go to UCLA and address doctors
at a medical convention.
And I flew in, I had to fly in the day
that I was giving that talk, so I was kind of tired.
And I had to ask for a podium.
I had to hold on to that for dear life.
My legs were shaking.
I couldn't move around the audience
and talk with this long mic
'cause I thought, God, I might fall over.
I just held onto that podium,
nobody could see my legS shaking,
which is why I asked for it.
And I just spoke to them.
And then as I spoke more and more and more,
it became so familiar that I could do it
standing on my head.
I could walk on stage and I could talk
and I could walk around and I was giving a talk recently
and my heels kept going through the floor of the stage.
And I was saying, Oh, I'm really not liking this
but I laughed about it because when you do something enough,
it's familiar.
So you're absolutely correct.
You look at, why is this unfamiliar?
Because unfamiliar goes hand in hand with not available.
Then you go, well, how can I make it familiar?
I keep stopping and starting
but the thing is to just keep going.
And one of the best things you can say
when you're coaching myself is this.
I am making this familiar.
I will make this familiar.
- They key here is when you want something,
make it familiar.
As we have already defined early in this video,
our mind believes what we tell it.
So the easiest and most effective tool
to make an activity familiar is to tell ourselves,
I must make this familiar.
I am making this familiar.
Do it again and again and again,
until you become comfortable and confident doing it.
If it's waking up at 6:00 am every day,
do it over and over again
until your body starts getting used to it
and eventually, you won't even need an alarm clock
to wake up at that time.
Another great tool of mastering the mind
is lie, cheat and steal.
- I call lie, cheat and steal.
When you're running in the rain, you don't go,
"Ugh, it's raining, I could be at home watching Netflix."
You say, I love it.
I love it, love it, love it, love it, love it.
My body loves it, my muscles love it.
You don't have to love it by the way
when you're doing the 400 sit up or the plank
and you're tired, you just keep saying,
my body loves this, it adores it, it thrills it
because then you bypass the part that goes,
I didn't really like this, it's so unfamiliar.
I could be lying on the sofa now watching a movie.
So not only do you have to make yourself do it,
you have to make yourself like it
and how you make yourself like it
is what I call lie, cheat and steal,
lie to your mind, cheat fear and resistance
and steal back the ability to love working out.
Because no kid goes,
"I don't really like running and jumping,
I don't like playing."
I mean, if you spent one day doing what Ari does,
you'd be exhausted because they run and move and tumble
and they're full of energy.
They don't go, I just want to sit in my highchair all day.
They are so active.
And so the belief that it's unfamiliar
is actually not strictly true.
And you're going to reactivate re-manifest and regenerate
what you were naturally, which is loving to move
but we've just forgotten how much we like it.
And one of the things I do in our TT a lot
is to tell people, 'cause I make them a recording,
we are reactivating, re-manifesting,
regenerating the confidence you were born with.
The love of life, the drive to succeed
that you were born with.
So how you coach yourself to the gym
is realize why you don't do it.
Remember, you once upon a time loved movement,
more than anything in the world
and keep telling yourself you love it.
And then it will stop being what you do
and it'll become who you are,
because most people don't love the gym.
But then after they'll think, now I really like it now.
- Lie, cheat and steal your way into training your mind
to like what you want to achieve.
It's a powerful example of how the things we tell ourselves
impact our success or failure in life.
My wish for you is that you hone your self-coaching skills
to become a better version of yourself
and a better coach for your clients.
The tools we went through today are not only useful for you
but for you to teach your clients and coach them
through this deep transformation.
This video was based on Marisa Peer's
self-coaching episode in our program, Coaching Mastery,
where we take you behind the scenes
with over 50 plus world-class coaches
who break down their process,
so you can acquire the skills that create
powerful results and impact.
Click on the link to find out more
about Coaching Mastery.
Now, it's your turn.
What's your favorite tool for coaching yourself?
Share your tips and tricks with us
in the comment section below.
Hey, you're still here, that's awesome.
You deserve a standing ovation
for staying all the way until the end.
Help us spread the love and drop a like on this video,
share it with your friends and colleagues
who might also find it useful.
Sharing is an expression of love.
We release videos like these every week.
You probably want to be notified.
So go ahead and smash that subscribe button,
so you get a notification on YouTube
every time we release a new video.
Be kind, stay awesome and have a beautiful day.