"What do I do when my wife starts pulling
away?"
This is a really -- this is troubling, right?
My name is Paul Friedman. I founded The
Marriage Foundation
and you should visit our site
themarriagefoundation.org and you should
subscribe to this channel so you could
learn about marriage the way marriage is
supposed to be.
And you're in a quandary now
because if your wife is pulling away,
when do you pull away? She's pulling away
because
she's not being attracted.
She's pulling away because and I'll just
put it bluntly,
you're pushing her away. Look at it that
way
instead of looking at it as a victim.
"Oh, my wife is pulling away.
Well, it was me you know blah blah blah." I know
I can be an
a-hole at times but it helps to put this
in the proper
perspective. You're pushing her away.
The question isn't why is she pulling
away. The question is,
what are you going to do to change
yourself
so that instead of pushing her way with
your behaviors
because that's what's doing it. You got
to shift it
so that she's being attracted to you.
Okay.
I have just succinctly put this into the
proper
context. She's not pulling away.
You're pushing her away. She's
pulling away because your behaviors are
pushing her. You could go, "Well, what are
those behaviors?"
Stay with me.
This is really important stuff.
If I tell you the behaviors which I'm
not able to
because there's just two of you in this
world of your marriage
and I don't know what those behaviors
are that are pushing her away but I do
know that
you can find out and it won't be enough
to find out.
Yeah. You can observe. You could pay
attention and go, "Oh,
when I do this?" "Oh, when I do that?"
Unfortunately,
it's way more subtle than that. So here's
what's
really wrong. Here's what's really wrong.
I'm trying to show you what won't work.
Here's what will work.
You see, it's not enough to just not
push her away
because a marriage is always supposed to
be going in the right
direction. It's not supposed to be
stagnant.
You're supposed to be experiencing ever
increasing happiness
and ever-expanding love. Those are
the barometers of your
marriage.
What causes your behaviors?
Your thinking, your thoughts,
your philosophies, your ideas.
Those are the springboard for how you
behave,
right? If you're mad, you're mad about
something that maybe no one else gets
mad at.
And so that anger causes
certain behaviors, you might have a dirty
look. You may raise your voice
but you never analyze, should I even be
angry about this?
Because you don't self-scrutinize, we are
not taught this
growing up. We should be taught this
because it's our mind.
We are in charge of our thinking, and I
don't mean just
one thought at a time. We are literally
in charge
of our philosophies, our thinking, our
attitudes. All of that is under your
control
and it's an obligation to control it
and you can't control it if you're not
aware of it.
So self-scrutiny means watching your
mind,
watching your thoughts, and then
analyzing
whether those thoughts really fit your
philosophies.
Usually, they're just like ancient ideas
that we have in our head that don't even
line up with how we believe.
You have to have a yardstick.
A yardstick of morality, a yardstick
of self-description who do I want to be
but we don't do any of that. So your
whole mission
has to be to get your thinking lined up
in a way that is
loving, supportive,
and holds to your wife all of these
attractive
qualities that make you someone who
she is attracted to.
Get all that. Now here's the problem.
The problem is in this world
there's no tools. I created those tools.
There are courses for men and courses
for women. Right now, you should only be
looking at the course
for men or one of my books but you need
to learn
how to change your thinking entirely
or, and
I started The Marriage Foundation 2009
or something
but I really began working with this
stuff in 2001 so I've been at this for a
long time.
Thousands and thousands of people have
come by. We have helped people but more
importantly, we have learned.
And so, I'm telling you right now. If you
don't turn
this and the way I'm telling you how to
turn this around
your marriage is going south for sure.
Your marriage will end because
her pulling away is defining
your behavior that is pushing
her away. Your behavior is based on your
thinking
unless your thinking changes which you
can do
and I show you how it's over.
So I know I'm being tough
but you want the truth, don't you?
You know it's funny when I first started
doing this stuff
in the beginning, I was actually a
divorce mediator, tons of money
in that. If you ever want to consider
being a divorce mediator
but it's kind of unethical. I realize
to help people get a divorce
when they shouldn't be and most people
shouldn't. So I shifted my practice but
before I did that I started really
learning, I started digging into all of
this.
And my early clients, most of them came
from referrals because I was saving
marriages left and right.
My son died in 2008 but before that
happened I was getting all these
people coming down from Hollywood, not
Hollywood exactly.
They lived in different areas but the
movie stars,
and the screenwriters, and the directors,
these people were coming down to San
Diego to see me.
And they used to say you know, "We were
told about you
that we would get mad at you but that
you were always right."
And I started getting this reputation of
an iron fist
sometimes in a velvet glove but mostly
just the iron fist.
I just believe in telling it like it is.
Why would I BS you? Why would I pander to
your ego
when you're trying to save your marriage?
And when you save your marriage, I'm just
not interested in just you saving your
marriage. I'm interested in you
getting the benefits of marriage that
you're supposed to get.
Unconditional love is an amazing
experience
that you can have continuously. Right now,
you can't even imagine what I'm talking
about.
But happiness, you can imagine that.
Ongoing ever-increasing happiness that's
how it's supposed to be
and you can have that. A
lot of guys go, "Well, what about sex?" Yeah,
you have that too.
It comes with it. It's part of the package.
So
believe me when I tell you, you don't
want to let this go.
You don't want to try other things like
marriage counseling and stuff like that.
It's a waste of time.
It'll destroy your marriage. Go with this.
I'm Paul Friedman. I founded The Marriage
Foundation and I'm here to serve you.
Take advantage of it. Go to our website,
like this video, leave a comment. God
bless you!
Take care and thank you for your time!