J: Since meeting you I don't even fancy anyone else
C: Yeah *kiss*
S: All right
J: Hello and welcome to part two of our lovely video collab with Stevie
J: Not that you're in part one
C: I was; a little bit. I came and handed you drinks, and...
J: Wow... If you haven't seen part one on Stevie's channel go and watch it right now
J: And you'll see the magic as I transform her
J: Have you seen it?
J:We're waiting
J: Okay you're back
J: The end result
S: Hii
J: Isn't she gorgeous? I did that
J: In this video we are not just gonna discuss how C: I feel like really small! J: excellent Stevie looks
S: We just keep interrupting Jessica
J: In this video we're not just gonna discuss how excellent I made Stevie look
J: Although I did
J: We're also going to be answering your relationship questions
J: That Stevie and I asked you and you asked us on Instagram
S: Guys, she's letting me wear her grandmother's pearls I feel like I have so much responsibility right now
S: Is that what it feels like to be a lady?
C: Did she tell you what she'll do to you if you lose her pearls?
S: No, she just said "Please, be careful"
J: So, I thought I was going to do a relationship advice Q&A because we come from very different angles
S: Yeaah And I do sex, dating and relationship advice on my channel
J: I didn't even introduce you S: Of the lesbian kind
J: Cause I assume that everyone knows who Stevie is S: How dare you, I was doing it for you.
C: Everyone knows who Stevie is
J: Who doesn't know who Stevie is? S: That's not true
C: So Stevie is The Lesbian Teacher
S: Is that my title? C: The Lesbian guru
J: Stevie Guru S: Lesbian Teacher
C: Guru is better J: A lesbian guru, like a beauty guru, but about lesbian
J: People that haven't watched so far, I am Jessica, I am a lesbian, I've always been a lesbian; That's it;
J: I am married to Claudia
C: I am a lesbian, but I haven't always been a lesbian
C: I don't know, we're going like that?
C: I used to date men
S: That doesn't mean you weren't a lesbian, just because you dated men
C: Oh yeah S: Sexual behaviour and sexual orientation are very different
C: But... yeah
S: Most people's sexuality isn't fluid. Some people's are. But is like the same as gender fluid people
S: Most people know their gender J: Yes
S: But some people are gender fluid
S: HI, I am Stevie and I'm a lesbian. And I'm polyamorous. And I'm single and looking
[DING DING DING]
J: We're married, very monogamously
J: It's also quite interesting to have this three way conversation with two people who can't
J: hear very well
J: And one person who occasionally has speech difficulties
S: Okay. So we're here to answer relationship advice questions
S: And we we're trying to tell you the differences between us
S: so that you could determine or figure out why we might have different answers
S: to certain relationship advice questions.
J: So I asked on my Instagram so I have a lot of disability related
S: Look how hot Claudia is. Sorry!
J: Okaay
C: It's okay. S: Jealous Jessica
S: It's so funny because I know that I have to hit on them equally or not at all
S: So, what I've chosen is to hit on them equally
C: We haven't really done everything that we wanted to do J: We haven't
C: like our threesome
S: Right?
J: Don't even...
S: Anyway, that's not going in the video
J: This is not! Oh for Christ sake!
J: Stevie, would you like to pick our first question?
S: Umm
S: Oh yeah, "Does jealousy affect you differently?"
S: So like, how do you guys feel when you feel jealous
J: I've noticed a lot of my friends get jealous about their partners past
J: Which I totally don't get
C: If I found out that you had done something with your ex I would wanna do it too
J: Oh
C: Like something sexual or J: Like in the past
C: Yeah like "Oh we had sex in a public space" I was like "We're gonna have sex in a public space"
C: So that it wasn't like, your memory wasn't with... I know it's, so that's kind of weird
S: Kind of possesive C: Yeah
S: But like in a hot way C: I am a bit possesive
S: It's like "Oh you get to have sex in a fun way now because I'm feeling possesive"
S: Not like "I'm feeling possesive and I'm gonna make you feel bad for the fact
S: that you did that thing with this other person"
C: Oh no it has nothing to do with feeling bad it's like
C: I don't want you to have that special memory with that person
C: Cause I'm gonna like top it
S: Oh that makes me cringe
S: It makes my bones cold
J: I love it! What?
S: Nooo!
J: It's not bad S: No, it's not bad, it's just different
S: Someone told me that I would be like throwing up. Yeah I don't really feel jealousy.
S: There is like other things I feel that I think people think jealousy is or similar to jealousy
S: but even those I feel very rarely.
J: Do you feel jealous about things not related to relationships?
S: No. Not because I say it, not because I think that's
S: the bright thing to do, but I literally don't feel that.
S: I like look at myself in the mirror and I'm like "Meh, I could look better or whatever"
S: I'm hot
S: You know what I mean? Like if your partner is attracted to someone else
S: doesn't it make you go "Am I attractive?"
S: NO. I never but literally never thought about that J: Yeah, I don't get that
J: If you find someone else attractive it doesn't make me think that I'm not great
J: "What are some red flags in a relationship that shouldn't be ignored?"
C: Still on the line of jealosy I would say a red flag would be if your partner is
C: excessively jealous all the time
J: I think things like talking down about your friends "Oh yeah you don't really need that friend"
S: I feel like sings of abuse and red flags are C: Yeah. Yeah.
S: completely different things J: Yeah.
S: The only way to answer this question really
S: our red flags is gonna be different from everyone else's red flags.
S: The only way that you can even answer this is to be like : know what you don't want in a relationship,
S: know what you're triggers are, based on your childhood, based on your past relationships
S: and make sure that you aren't falling back into those cycles. J: Yeah.
S: There is like this beautiful metaphor about like "If you're in the woods you can't see
S: what the tallest tree is or the shortest tree is cause you're in it."
S: It's like being able to step back and ask someone that you care about,
S: "What do you think I have issues with in my relationship?"
S: And that's the reason why abusers, that what you brought up, why abusers try to cut you up from them
S: cause they're gonna notice that
C: But you're kinda saying it from the point of someone who's experienced an abusive relationship already
S: You don't have to been in a bad situation to know what doesn't work with your personality
C: But it takes longer to recognise it... J: I think the thing is if you already feel uncomfortable,
J: that's it.
C: I think it's hard when you're in a relationship to recognise red flags sometimes
C: until a lot of them have actually passed.
C: Listen to your friends cause your friends usually actually have your best interests at heart
C: So if lots of your friends are saying you're partner is not good for you then you should actually
C: reflect on it.
J: If all of your friends are like "Your new boyfriend... C: Or girlfriend
C: Why did you assume it was a man?
S: Yeah, why are you saying boyfriend?
S: You've never even met a man
J: I don't know where they are
J: Where do you keep them?
J: Are they in the woodlands?
J: That upset people on Twitter. Why were they upset?
S: They were so mad because they think lesbians are man haters or something
S: Uuh this is a good one but it's not relationship advice, it's about us.
S: Should I stick to relationship advice?
J: Go for it, why not?
S: Did you have any premature judgements about each other?
Having only met you once before I was like " I can see that she's kind of bit scary"
J&C: But now we now you and you're anyways not scary
S: That's what everybody says. So like "Once I got to know you than I was like , she's not scary at all"
S: I thought Jessica, I thought that you would be more like; I thought that I would've find more like sadism,
S: more like, not bad parts because I love a little evil but
S: I thought that you would be a little more evil than you actually are.
C: Ohh, you mean like you thought what she does on camera is not real?
S: No, nonono, I thought that maybe you'd be like " I have a secret, I'm into blood stuff"
S: You'd tell me or I'd find some like, I don't know, not squeaky clean and gorgeous and perfect nests
S: And you're just not. You're just like; everything about you is so; you're just like:
S: I love... J: I don't have any naughty side
C: I don't think it's like; I would say... S: Yeah, naughty, that's the right word
C: But she's a bit naughty, like...
S: You are gonna cut this out
J: Wow, that's just censored, right there
S: No, that's so cute!
J: We have a whole censored part
J: "How do you deal with taking a break from your partner so you can explore the polyamory?"
J: That is specifically for you.
S: Since I've realised my lesbian identity I haven't had a primary partner that did have
S:full partners outside of our relationship.
S: There is like a little bit of kissing or flirting or like maybe a hook up or something in my relationships,
S: but never like a full other partner, so yeah, I never had to be like "How do I give them space?"
S: I am also not a very clingy person, I am, but not emotionally, I'm like physically clingy
J: Like, be in my space
S: Hi, I need you to get me attencion for the next 30 minutes and then you could do what you want
S: So I literally know exactly what I need and I exactly want and I demand it
S: and then a lot of people that I date find that really like "I can breathe I don't have to guess,
if I'm gonna do something wrong or like
S: if you need more, whatever, cause I'll just be like "I need more right now. Go"
S: "How can I be a good ally to disabled people?"
S: What about, in dating, specifically? J: Okay
J: First date, if you're dating someone who already has a disability, has disclosed it to you, you know this before
J: you go to the first date. The most important thing to do is to not be scared to ask questions
J: but also think things through. So, if you think you can probably find out the answer
J: to your question by googling; like disabled people are not Google, we are not here
J: to answer your five thousand questions that would very easily be answerd
J: by the World Wide Web
J: But also, disability is such a broad spectrum, you don't know exactly what that person is like
J: You have to ask them specifically, like "What do you need me to do, on the date, to help facilitate,
J: to make it a bit better?". Be very aware especially with mobility issues about the date, as in where you're going
C: Don't chose a restaurant that is like, upstairs
J: Don't be dumb
J: If your person is like "I'm in a wheelchair" don't go "I know this really cool place,
J: it's awesome, there are only like three steps down"
J: What so now I can hover? Not how that works
J: So that's first date, if you already know that they've got a disability
J: umm, if you are dating someone and they then get diagnosed
J: or become disabled because they've had an accident,
J: then, again, the best thing to do is just to be aware of their needs
J: to ask them what they need, to be really kind of a person led, but don't push
J: if you feel like it's too much. And I think the most important thing is what Claudia does, which is don't make a big deal
C: Just be how you would be with them normally, but with a bit more...
J: Ask about what they need on practical level and remember, flirt shamelessy, constantly
J: If you're helping them get their wheelchair over like a really annoying car
S: That's brilliant
J: bump it up and go "Wohoo, I saw down your bra"
J: Like, that's what we need right then, okay?
J: If Claud's helping me up the stairs, if she doesn't squeeze my bum I'm like "Excuse me"
S: When I'm talking to someone that has a disability or something that I need to be aware of or whatever
S: I always give them two options cause I know for people that don't have the same disability
can kind of like you're imposing to ask them, which one you're probably not
but to help you feel better or maybe them if you are imposing cause you asked a stupid question
because you don't know many things about their disability
Is to give them two options in the same sentence. Be like:
"If you comfy, comfortable at answering this, here is the question, or we can talk about your favourite color"
J&C: Yeah, yeah S: That's a silly example, but just giving two things
and then following up with the joke about the favourite colour so that gives them an easy out
I love how you treat her, cause like, you don't cuddle her at all, so she's just like
"I'm in an excruciating pain right now" you're like "Cool, you want carrots?"
Like at the grocery store, like I would...
Oh, I hate when I'm on a date and I'm like " I can't stand up for very long", like if we go somewhere
it needs to be places that have chairs and they're like " Are you okay? " "How are you, oh my goodness"
"Is everything okay, what can I do to help you darling?" And I'm like " AAHHHHHHH"
J: "Would you get into a serious relationship with someone who is closeted?"
Because then you can't meet their family etc.
S: My answer about dating someone closeted, I don't know what they would wanna date me?
J: Because you're fabulous S: I know but why would you wanna date someone where
all anyone would have to do is literally google my first name
and then they know that your friend or any, like the person you're with is... queer.
S: You know what I mean? Like I'm such an out and kind of well known lesbian
C: But maybe the question is almost like "You'd be secretly dating?"
S: How? J: Think about you as a person outside of your actual life
S: I don't think there is anything wrong with being closeted
I truly don't. I feel like I would be stifled because my career is literally
based around lesbian sex J: Sure.
S: So, if I'm gonna date someone; cause I want to get married eventually get married to
someone that would never wanna be open in public about that?
J: But...
they're closeted but they might not be closeted later on, they might be closeted because they are
forced to live with their parents, who are homophobic C: But I think that's the problem
S: Also, coming out of the closet is a journey and some people
C: change
S: are, well just some people are willing to go through that with you and some people aren't
That is not an emotional journey I want to be going on at this point in my life
C: It would make me feel sad
S: Yeah C: Because I'd feel sad about the time that
I was closeted
And it would make me feel like the world still hadn't changed positively enough
For my partner to feel so...
J: I just think is a person by person thing
S: I also think you are really way more passing than both of us
J: If you brought me around as your friend
S: No one would be like "They're definitely gay together"
J: Yeah, okay
J: I have a question that you could probably answer with just one word
"Shoud I stay with the girlfriend that keeps on making fun of my insecurities and embarasses me in public?"
J&C: No. S: Absolutely not.
C: That's a red flag.
J: "Should I give up my dreams if my girlfriend wants me to give them up?"
C&S: Uhh J: Like, no, honey, NO. Get away
C: "If a monogamous couple have a threesome or go to like an orgy, are they actually monogamous?"
S: I don't think so
S: I think that like, you can be "monogam-ish" J: That's a good word S: with whatever agreements that you have
But I think that if you; like you guys are so f*cking monogamous;
you're like "We can't even fancy other people"
or whatever
Like that's an element of non-monogamy that you're using to spice up your relationship or whatever
Doesn't necessarily mean that you are fully polyamorous
it just means you're using elements of non-monogamy
J:I hope we managed to answer someone's questions somehow in this.
S: One of the questions that we got was "Are you both happy?"
And my answer is "Mmm, yep, this is great, this is my life now"
I'm just very happy with my life being in Brighton
J&C: Yaay C: You should move to Brighton!
J: We've got her now. She's ours.
Thank you for watching! Goodbye!
C: We haven't ruled out a threesome
C: So we're only monogam-ish... S: Okay thanks so much guys for watching
See you later, byeee
*vintage music playing*