Let me just quickly give you a list of four emotions that can change your life
in one day emotions are powerful
sometimes it doesn't take much to alter your whole life direction
okay here they are number one
disgust powerful emotion disgust says
i have had it
see that could be the day the day you can say i've had it
and whether you've had it with something small or something major the day you can
say i've had it may not be the day it ends
but the day it begins here's the next one decision
and decision making is powerful and it's emotional that's those knots in
the pity your stomach right waking up in the middle of the night in the cold
sweat trying to decide
we sometimes call it inner civil war what shall i do well
for progress you must decide the best advice i can give you came from
a wealthy friend of mine who said if it's easy do it easy if it's hard do
it hard just get it done
if you went home tonight and in the next few days
cleaned up a whole list of decisions that might furnish enough inspiration
for the next 10 years i found this out
many times after you've decided getting on with it is easier than deciding
sometimes decision is the toughest part
here's the next emotion desire wanting to bad enough
and i don't know how to tell you to want to that's something you've got to come
up with there's two things i know about desire
number one it comes from inside not outside you don't send off for it
number two i know desire can be triggered
by something who knows what it might be sometimes desire waits and sleeps for
something to happen maybe it's a book maybe it's a song
maybe it's a sermon maybe it's a lecture a seminar maybe
it's the conversation of a friend a happening an event
who knows the best i can advice i can give you is
what i give my staff it goes like this welcome
every human experience you never know which one is going to
turn it all on even the bad experiences
sometimes from the bitterest experience comes the greatest awakening
so let down the barriers take down the walls the same wall that keeps out
disappointment keeps out happiness
let life touch you don't let it kill you but let it
touch you
here's the last one this one's powerful resolve
resolve says i will two of the most powerful words in the language i
will benjamin israeli once said nothing can resist a human will
that will stake even its existence on the extent of its purpose
shortly put i'll do it or die see that's powerful that could be the
day that turns your life around the world has a strange way of stepping
aside when somebody says i'll do it or die
the man says i will climb the mountain they've told me it's too high it's too
far it's too rocky it's too difficult it's never been done before but it's my
mountain i will climb it pretty soon you'll see me waving from
the top or dead on the side because i ain't coming back
now let me show you what triggers all emotions into activity
that brings results and results is the name of the game
here it is action finally you must do something about how
you feel
jesus the master teacher said don't just be listeners
be doers the world admires the doers whatever it takes to get you
to try harder read more set your goals and go for it
all of these emotions these categories of emotions
are there for a reason and they're to give us a message a message that
something needs to change now one of two things has got to be
changed when we're feeling any of these emotions and before i tell you this
let's make sure you're enrolled here how would you feel in your life if you knew
no matter what emotion you felt you could go okay am i feeling uncomfortable
or is that a feeling of fear or is that hurt feeling or an anger type of feeling
or a frustrated type of feeling or disappointed or a guilty or inadequate
or overloaded or lonely feeling how'd you feel if you
knew in a moment or two you could instantly get out of that
feeling no matter how intense it had been would that be useful
then stick with me okay because i know this may seem a little bit cumbersome
first listen to me carefully at any moment you
feel any emotion the first step you're going to always
want to take to master your emotions first step always will be to identify
the signal what i mean by identify the signal is figure out if you're having a
feeling which one of these categories does it go
into let me say that again because i think you'll get this one
if you're feeling pain it's a message you need to change the way you're
looking at things and therefore what they mean to you or
change the way you're communicating your desires or needs to someone
especially if the pain involves somebody else or change the way you're behaving
the way you're treating others and that'll get you a new response
that's in essence the basis of all these action messages
they're telling you you got to set a new outcome and move in a new direction
otherwise you're going to stay in pain and by the way let me mention something
to you if you ignore a message if you ignore
one of these signals and these action signals whether it be the signal feeling
hurt or fearful or angry or frustrated disappointed or overloaded
that signal doesn't go away it intensifies you'll feel even more hurt
even more angry it intensifies until one day you get smart enough say
hey i gotta change something here i gotta change my expectations
the way i'm evaluating this thing the way i'm looking at things the way i'm
feeling about it or the way i'm communicating what i need
or i'm gonna change the way i'm behaving period i'm going to keep feeling this
until i make one of those three changes it's that simple next once you've
identified the signal i.e you've been identified you said i
was feeling rejected and what that really means is i'm feeling
uncomfortable or it really means i'm feeling hurt or angry or lonely or
whatever then the second step is appreciate the
message respect that emotion don't make your emotion wrong so many times he said
well i don't want to feel rejected or i don't want to feel bad or i don't feel
angry i don't feel hurt don't do that appreciate it has a
message for you it means you got to change
but it also means something very specific depending upon which emotion of
these 10 categories so before we go any further let me
review with you what the messages are that each one of these 10
signals is giving you we've already said that if you're uncomfortable the message
is simple you got to change your state clarify
what you want and take action in the direction of what you want
and immediately you won't be uncomfortable anymore if you're feeling
category number two emotions of fear whether it be concern
or apprehension or worry or anxiety or scared or frightened or terrified no
matter what intensity it is any one of those still our fearful
emotions and fear emotions deliver one message to us
we need to prepare ourselves to deal with something or to avoid the negative
consequences of something that's coming up
something that's about to happen a situation or event basically fear is
get prepared get yourself so you can deal with something and that's a
valuable message isn't it now the problem is what most of us do is
we get fearful and we don't take the message we either try to deny the fear
and act like we're real strong and all it does is get stronger and stronger
or worse we just surrender the fear and we don't get the message
all we do is we get caught up in the emotion and we get more and more scared
and we amplify it and we start thinking of the worst that can happen rather than
figuring out okay what do i need to do to be prepared to
avoid the negative consequences and make this work
for example people have fear of failure that's a valuable fear
it's saying get prepared so you won't fail the third category of emotions
those of hurt feelings give us a signal and a message that says
you have an expectation that's not been met
and you have a feeling of loss i.e you expected somebody to keep their word and
they didn't that hurt your feelings or you expected someone never to share
something that you told them privately and they told somebody else
and now you feel hurt you feel a sense of loss of intimacy with them
or loss of trust and that sense of loss is what creates that feeling of hurt
inside of us what do we need to do it tells us
immediately we have to evaluate is there really a loss here
again do we need to change our perception maybe you just didn't
communicate to this person that when you told them this you wanted
them to keep this information private maybe you haven't lost anything
maybe you just have to change your way of communicating your needs
or again change your behavior the next category is anger
that's the fourth category and again emotions like irritation
or feeling livid or furious or enraged or resentful
all of these fit into this category any of these emotions are simply signals
giving you a message and the message here is that an important rule that you
have in your life has been violated by someone else or maybe even by you
see when we think something's really important and somebody violates that
rule we get upset about it how we deal with
that upset will determine a great deal how much pain or pleasure we really
experience in our lives and how close we get to other people how
much we push them away from us in other words if somebody violates your
standards that's the message what you're supposed to do with that
message is real simple communicate that you have a standard
communicate that you know it's only your rule it isn't necessarily their rule
but you need their help or you need to compromise them possibly
you know some things you get angry about you're going to get angry about for the
rest of your life and you better identify those things
and realize that those are just your standards they're not everybody's
standards and if you go around being upset because everyone doesn't live by
your rules you're going to be upset your whole life
so again maybe you need to change your perceptions change your rules so the
life is a lot simpler and a lot less painful for you
the fifth category of emotions frustration
these action signals are telling you you need to change your approach to
achieving your goal whatever you're going after you're not
going to get it the way you're doing it right now that's why you're frustrated
you keep trying to get the same result by doing the same thing over and over
again there was a definition given a long time
ago about insanity it's an insanity is attempting to get a
new result by doing the same thing over and over again
it'll never work so you've got to change your approach when you feel frustrated
just know hey that's a message i gotta change my approach i need to be
more flexible in the situation category number six disappointment if
you start to feel disappointed that's a signal
and that signals bringing you a message and the message is that you need to
realize an expectation you had an outcome you're
going after is not going to probably happen unless you change
your expectation and make it more appropriate for the situation at hand
in other words maybe you wanted something to happen in too short a
period of time realize disappointment says you need to
change your expectations you need to change
simply your view of things and come up with a more appropriate
outcome for the time that you have involved the people you have involved
the situation you have involved so that's the message listen to it
utilize it don't keep re-experiencing disappointment and stacking it till you
feel overloaded overwhelmed or hopeless or inadequate which our emotions will
talk about later but first let's talk about the next one
the seventh major category of emotions are guilt or regret emotions
hey when you've got feelings of guilt or regret a lot of people say well don't
feel guilty about anything garbage guilt serves you if you hear the
message and the message of guilt is really
simple it says you violated one of your own standards and
you must do something immediately to ensure that you're not going to violate
again in the future that's why you have the pain of guilt
now what most people do is they do one of the other they either
deny the guilt take themselves out of it and don't feel guilty at all
which you know i agree you shouldn't stay in guilt but if you just deny the
guilt and don't get the message the guilt's gonna come back it'll get
you sooner or later it's back there it's deep it's dark it'll get you so with
that fear maybe you should turn that fear into getting the message instead of
being overwhelmed and again surrendering to guilt that's
the other extreme people just walk around and they allow
themselves then to feel inferior for the rest of their life
they feel so regretful about what they once did
that is not the purpose of guilt it's to make sure you clean up your act
it's to make sure that you don't violate this again it's that you make things
right when you screw up that's what you got to do now sometimes
you can't sometimes someone has passed away
or something's occurred where you feel guilty about something happen the past
you really can't change the only thing you can change is your
present and future behaviors when you do that
you can let go of the guilt that's the message it offers you
and again when you immediately feel the signal what do you do you identify the
signal and you realize hey i'm feeling regret or i'm feeling guilt
secondly you appreciate the message it's a message that says you need to change
something either your perception or your
procedures maybe you're feeling guilty about something you shouldn't feel
guilty about at all have you ever done that
i really regret what i said i was wrong boy the guilt will disappear
or change your behavior in the future change the way you're going to
communicate to that person or people like them
any one of these three changes again will immediately eliminate the guilt and
then guilt has served a good purpose hasn't it it's kept you on track it's
moved you forward it's made you a better person
that's why it's there utilize it don't wallow in it
let's go to category number eight inadequacy
boy if you feel inadequate those are any of those emotions again
that make you feel like you're less than feelings of being unworthy for example
would be inadequate feelings whenever you feel this emotion or emotion
like it get excited appreciate it's offering you a message and the message
it's offering you is simple it's saying you need to do something to get
better in this category right away it doesn't mean you have to be perfect at
it inadequacy just says you gotta do
something don't sit on your death anymore you're feeling inadequate
because you haven't done anything to be really good in this area
now the first thing you got to do is as you go through this process is ask
yourself is this really an appropriate emotion
that is am i really inadequate or do i need to change the way i'm perceiving
things maybe i've got some rules that say in order for me to be adequate you
know i have to go on the dance floor and out do john travolta
you know that's probably inappropriate perceptions you need to change the
perceptions or it may be changing the procedures
which is i need to prepare myself by doing something right now to get better
one thing you could do is just go practice one thing you do is go out and
initiate some communication so inadequacy is a message to get up and
do something to become better or to change your criteria to look at
what you're doing and make it easier for yourself to feel adequate you probably
got rules that are too harsh now category number nine this is one of
the categories that i think immobilizes and destroys more people's lives than
virtually any of the others combined and that is a feeling of being
overloaded or overwhelmed or hopeless or depressed they all fit together
i use overloaded to make it sound simpler because if you say gosh i'm
depressed you'll immediately feel much more
intensity than if you say i'm overloaded the key here is to realize that this is
a signal when you feel hopeless depressed
overwhelmed or overloaded the message that's offering you it is you need to
reevaluate what's most important to you in this situation
sit down right now and decide what is absolutely important what's a necessity
for you versus what's a desire write down all the things that are most
important for you to accomplish then two put them in order of priority
and then three take the first one on your list
and do something about it it's the same thing with depression the
same thing for being hopeless sit down and say okay instead of saying
it's hopeless i need to change my state number one that's always the message of
all these emotions number two i gotta clarify what's most
important to me write it all out three what's the order of the importance
and four what's the first thing on my list let me
go handle that the minute you go handle anything
and you deal with one simple issue your brain can handle it
and as soon as you handle that situation you will feel like your control of your
world you will not feel overloaded you will not feel overwhelmed you'll feel
like there's hope and you won't feel depressed your
self-esteem grows when you do something to take control of events
instead of events take control of you and all you have to take control events
is chunk them down pick one thing and master it the message
is simple you're trying to do too much and too
short a period of time you're looking at the whole world and expecting everything
to be perfect overnight and you're feeling like you can't handle
it all chunk it down here's the final category category 10
feeling lonely have you ever felt really lonely
gosh i don't think there's anybody alive who hasn't but what does it mean when
you feel lonely what is the message that you should get from that signal
i think the message is really simple what we really need at that moment the
message is telling us we need a certain connection with people
the challenge with that message is a lot of times people take the word connection
or the idea of the need for a connection with another human being and they make
it into a sexual connection or instant intimacy and they feel
frustrated because even when they have that they still feel lonely
what we really need to do is identify what kind of connection maybe you do
need an intimate connection maybe you just need
some basic friendship or someone to listen to or somebody to laugh with or
someone to talk to it's real important we feel lonely just
say hey this is really neat what's great about being lonely is it says i really
care about people i love to be with people
and i need to find out what way i want to be with somebody right now
and then take an action immediately to go in the direction we want