- I'm creating a website with all the ammunition
that a cyberbully will need to attack.
I'm not just feeding the trolls,
I'm rolling out an all-you-can-eat buffet.
After uploading some of my childhood pictures
along with my email and phone number
I offered $50 as bait and posted my challenge
to Reddit and 4chan, ground zero
for the internet's most vicious trolls.
Let's see what happens.
Within hours the hate came flying in.
At first it was insults about my intelligence,
a few about my age slash looks,
some made no sense at all.
Then came the threats.
Basically, dude, people will attack
your family to get to you.
It's best if you don't make a public statement
that you're impenetrable.
I carried on with the rest of my day
as the attacks kept coming.
The ext morning I discovered
my Instagram and Twitter accounts were hacked.
After an eagle-eyed troll noticed my password
in my challenge photo.
A password my assistant, Jasmine,
assured me was out of focus.
Then the memes hit.
(light, intense music)
The cyberbullies were obsessed with one of my photos,
trying to to one up each other
by portraying me as a sex dildo.
But one troll rose above the rest,
slamming me with nonstop images, memes, and unfortunately,
poetry.
I responded to the troll and said if he wanted my $50
he would have to appear on camera.
He agreed but only if he could choose the location.
He's given me coordinates and we're almost there.
He had complete home-court advantage,
and I was unsure what sport we were even playing.
Follow the light, cuck.
Can't even spell cock right.
There he is, there he is.
I now had a rare chance to confront a troll face to face.
Hey man. - Hey, shit.
- How should I address you?
- Lol Jessie.
- Little Jessie?
- Lol, do this shit for lol's,
lol's sec, lol's hacker group, fuck yeah.
So I said cyberbully me and here are
some of the things you did.
You sent a picture of someone holding a bottle of pills.
It says jon dore's libtard agenda on the pills.
- Yeah.
- So you think I'm liberal and retarded?
- Yeah.
- Here's another one.
You posted what looks like a tweet
coming from Kim Jong-Un's personal account.
It says got my first
intercontinental ballistic missile working,
where should I send my first nuke?
And then you have a poll, Jon's front door.
- Yeah. - Sixty-eight percent.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna take issue with this.
I live in the United States now.
If you were to nuke my front door
you'd also already be nuking the United States of America.
- Is it going to happen?
- Yeah, 68% of people do want it to hit,
oh is this all fake?
You didn't actually put out a poll?
- No. - oh.
So then you've gone into some poetry, if I may.
- I did.
That one I'm proud of.
- So this is what you wrote.
What's true of you is you're mediocre,
but you covered up like a choker,
but you're still a choker.
Notice you just rhymed choker with choker?
- Yeah, cause I used a double meaning.
- That's an air ball.
- How old are you?
- How old do you think I am?
- Like 49?
- All right, let's just move on.
What advice would you give to kids
who are being trolled or bullied online?
- Keep your sanity by going insane.
I mean I was a little kid getting bullied
and I toughened up.
- Okay, let's say your trolling made me freak out
and blow my head off in a microwave or something?
- I don't hold personal responsibility for your choices.
- Do you think you'll be a troll forever?
- Yeah, hell yeah.
If anyone's gonna save the world from a big brother
type reality, it's gonna be the motherfucking trolls.
- Have you ever felt remorseful
about any of the trolling you've done?
- No. - None at all?
- Zero percent.
Have you ever heard of Aristotle's extreme of means?
- Totally I have, but for the viewers explain it to them.
- So in order to correct a virtue
you try to practice the extreme antithesis of that virtue
'cause you don't find virtue on one extreme or the other.
Virtue, virtueness isn't binary, it's balanced.
Yeah, that's Aristotle's--
- Extreme of means.
- Yeah, exactly.
Well, you did win the cyberbully challenge hands down
so I do owe you $50.
Actually, will you give me an apology first
before I give it to you?
- Fuck no, what?
- For the horrible things you said online?
- You can get a handshake and maybe a bro hug.
- All right, $50, handshake, bro hug.
- No, no, that's a full ass fucking hug.