Hey guys, I received this story yesterday.
This gentleman indicated to me, that he has shared his story with a few channels, and has decided to share it with me, and has given me permission to share it with you.
Tony,
In the 1990's, I met a nice young girl while attending University in my State.
We hit it off, and proceeded to become a couple really quickly.
She and I ended up dating a little more than four years in total.
Little did I know, this relationship would change me, and my views forever.
I was a typical nice guy at this point, and I tried to prioritize her happiness over my own.
All was good, while we were attending college, I would have said at the time, I found the perfect girl.
After graduation, my girlfriend wanted to move back to her home state.
At this point, we had been dating for about three years.
Since I was young and dumb, I agreed to move to her home state when she asked me too.
The move went well, and when we arrived at her home state, we finally decided to move in with each other.
I got an apartment, a job and was really enjoying life.
There was only one small problem, we moved to her home state, to a very small town.
Everyone seemed to know each other, and outsiders were viewed with suspicion.
Making new friends in this environment was nearly impossible.
When I tried to become friends with my girlfriend’s friends, I was met with resistance from my girlfriend.
She insisted that I meet my own friends, and I thought, fair enough.
I also discovered living with my girlfriend was a little difficult.
My girlfriend was an only child, and as a result of that, she has never really had to learn to share.
I thought over time, she would learn and adapt to this, but some people are stuck in their ways.
I found myself 1500 hundred miles away from my friends and family in a new state, that treated everyone with suspicion.
The only people I could hang out with were my coworkers during the day.
In the evening, I had to commute back to the small town we lived in.
My girlfriend ended up getting a job at a local daycare which was no more than 15 minutes away from our home.
All was good for about 6 months, when she decided she needed to quit, and get a job at an amusement park 45 minutes away.
I was not happy with her decision on this.
She would have to work many weekday evenings, and almost all weekend.
I, on the other hand had an 8 to 5 job, and this severely cut into our time together.
It seemed I was always going home to an empty apartment.
This was in the 1990's, and the internet wasn't like it is today.
There were very limited websites, most of which were people making personal websites, and it wasn't as large as it is today.
I found myself spending lots of time alone.
I was getting frustrated with this arrangement as I was making roughly eight times more money than my girlfriend.
I paid all the bills, and the money she earned, she insisted in putting it in her own account, and not contributing to anything.
Soon, she started pulling away from me, being cold and distant.
She seemed, she always wanted to argue, and fight with me on every little detail, and everything was my fault.
I was miserable, and 1500 hundred miles from my own friends and family.
I absolutely had no support in the small town I was living.
One day after a frustrating day at the office, I came home, went by the mailbox and got the mail.
The phone bill to our landline arrived, and normally I would open it up, pull out the bill sheet and throw the rest away.
A little voice in the back of my head told me to actually look at the phone bill.
When I opened the account, I got detailed billing, so every number that was called and received on our landline was printed in the bill.
I started scanning all the numbers in the printouts, and very quickly saw a number that I did not recognize.
The number would call our apartment, or my apartment would call that number when I was at work, and the length of calls were for 30 minutes, or longer each time.
There were many calls on this number, and I needed to know who the number belonged to.
I drove down to the local library.
On my way into the library, I stopped by the pay phone, remember this is in the 90's.
I decided to call the number, and see if a guy or girl answered the phone.
To my horror, a guy answered the phone, and I immediately hung up.
I went into the library, and after doing my research, I discovered the number belonging to a person named Dave.
I knew Dave, not personally, but I knew the name.
When my girlfriend and I started dating, I asked for a list of guys whom she dated, and Dave was one of them.
At the time, she only dated two other guys besides me, so, it was easy for me to remember.
I had this gut feeling, that my girlfriend was disrespecting and cheating on me.
I went home, and when my girlfriend came home, I asked if she has been talking to Dave.
She immediately was upset, and asked me, if I was spying on her.
I said no, but I looked at the phone bill, and saw his number, all over the printouts.
She then proceeded to yell at me, saying I was very insecure, and that Dave is "Just a Friend".
After a bit of arguing, I decided to let it go, because I had no real proof she was cheating on me, but a gut feeling that she was.
For the next week or so, she made me seriously start doubting my gut on this.
She was showering me with attention, and spending a lot more time with me.
I thought I was going insane over this, but my gut wouldn't let this go.
One night after she fell asleep, I got out of bed, walked out of the room and closed the door.
The feeling that I was being played would not go away.
I ended up looking at the computer, and I couldn't help myself.
I logged on to the computer and went searching.
My thoughts were about the IRC, Chat program.
All innocent chats on that program with her girlfriends.
Next, I decided to log onto PINE.
Pine was our university’s email server that they never took away our access or accounts after graduation.
Over the years, I saw my girlfriend log in, and I saw her input her password many times.
I decided to log onto the server and see what I could find.
Pine was a shell style server, once you logged on, you could launch pine, by simply typing pine.
I didn't want to do this, as it recorded the last time you logged into that program.
I also didn't want to take the chance that she set up a separate password for the pine program itself.
I did not want her to know I logged in at all.
I did a directory of the server we were on, and I noticed the Pine Data Files.
I ended up downloading all these files to a floppy disc and logged off the server.
On a hunch, I decided to see if I could edit these data files with a text editor, and it worked.
I could read all emails, and my girlfriend couldn't tell.
I decided that I would take the disk to work, and read them there.
I did not want to wake her up, and have a fight, if my hunches proved correct.
The next day at work, I opened up the data file.
Between all the emails, was ASCII style symbols and garbage, but you could clearly read each individual email.
My world ended in that moment.
I quickly found the emails between my girlfriend and Dave.
I found them proclaiming their love for each other, talking about how great their sex life was, and mocking me.
I even discovered the name of Dave's girlfriend.
What really made me scared was, when my girlfriend said she wished I was a member of the Heaven's Gate.
The Heaven's Gate was a cult that just killed themselves, so they could catch a ride on a comet that was passing by the earth.
The girl that I have devoted my life to, was now wishing that I was dead.
There are no words that describe how I was feeling.
After work, and on my drive home, I decided I would go to the library again.
I was going to look up Dave's girlfriend, and figure out a way to contact her.
As luck would have it, I found her name in the white pages, and gave her a call.
When she answered the phone, I asked her if she was dating Dave, and she told me she was.
I told her I have some information that she needs to see, and asked, if she could meet me at the library.
I also asked her not to tell Dave that she was going to the library.
She said yes, and she would come meet me in half an hour.
I was full of rage, I decided to email my girlfriend all the emails that I had, and before I hit send, I blindly copied her father, mother, friends and Dave.
I just wanted to expose the affair to everyone.
Soon.
Dave's sweet girlfriend showed up.
I had some printouts of the emails, and I sat her down and gave them to her.
I explained, how I discovered the affair and I felt she deserved to know.
It was really hard to see her get her world crushed, but she deserved to know.
During our conversation, I wanted her to see who I sent the emails to, so, I logged onto my email.
It was actually perfect timing, as Dave sent me a response back that I'll never forget.
His response, "Sorry dude, I was just using her for sex".
Dave's girlfriend went from crushed, to angry within milliseconds of reading that response.
I forwarded Dave's email to my girlfriend, and to my girlfriend’s parents.
I told Dave's girlfriend, if she needed anything, to contact me.
I gave her my contact information, and I left.
Later that evening, when my girlfriend got home, I threw the emails onto the table, and told her to explain herself.
As soon as she realized what I had, she started sobbing, and saying that it was a mistake.
She said she would do anything if I didn't break up with her.
She proceeded to block his number on our landline, and delete the IRC program off the computer.
I told her she needed to leave, and go to her parents’ home, and that she could not stay with me.
She begged me not to do this, but I told her she needed to leave.
It took me nearly an hour of arguing, before she agreed to leave.
I then told her, that she needs to come by this weekend, and get all her stuff, and if she didn't get her stuff by Sunday evening.
I would deposit all those items left behind, in the dumpster.
My girlfriend’s father ended up giving me a call the next day.
He explained he didn't raise his daughter to be this way, and he was a bit ashamed of her actions.
I just thanked him for the words, and asked him to make sure his daughter came and got her stuff.
He said he would talk to her, and make sure she would be civil about getting her things.
When Saturday came, she showed up with her father’s truck and collected her items.
She asked me if I would change my mind, and I said no.
After she left, I felt like the world was crashing down on me.
I was 1500 hundred miles away from everyone I knew, and I was truly alone.
I decided right then, I would move back to my home state.
I informed the apartment office I would not renew my lease, and that I would be leaving at the end of the month.
They agreed, and I was set.
I went to work and told my boss what had happened, he was very sorry for me, and understand how hurt I was.
He asked me if I needed any time off, and I responded yes, but I want to quit.
I have decided, I want to be in my friends and family's back yard, rather than my ex-girlfriends back yard fifteen hundred miles away from my friends.
He told me he wasn't surprised, and did me a huge favor.
He back dated my resignation for two weeks, so I could get all my vacation pay to help me move.
I really owe that man a lot, for doing this.
I moved back to my home state, but I was a changed man.
My attitude toward women completely changed.
I would no longer treat them like a princess, or make them the center of my world.
I began to tell women what I wanted, and what I expected from them.
I would go to bars, start conversations with women and tell them they needed to go home with me, so I could make them breakfast.
Believe it or not, this worked more often than not.
I found myself being the bad boy, and the women started flocking to me.
I would see girls coming to bars, doing the "girls night out", and most of the time, these girls would tell me they were single.
I don't recall any of them wearing any rings.
These were the easiest girls to get to go to a hotel with me.
Show these girls a little attention, flirt a little, tell them that they are pretty, and you were in.
I learned real quick, that most of them were probably in relationships, as most of them would not stay the night, always giving the excuse, they needed to get up early for work, or something like that.
I figured, truly single girls would stay the night, and some did, but most left early.
It took me years to get over the anger I had.
I eventually met a girl that I just clicked with again.
I started seeing this girl, and I remember telling her of my past experience with my ex-girlfriend.
She was a bit shocked about this, and then I told her, if she wants to continue seeing me, then she would have to agree to some rules.
1.
No contact with an ex, whatsoever.
This is considered cheating to me, and a 100% deal breaker.
2.
No Male Friends, no exceptions.
I'm never going to hear, "We are just friends", ever again.
3.
No girls nights out.
If she wants girl’s nights out, she can do that, but she won't be dating me.
She agreed to my three basic rules.
She and I have now been married for 15 years.
She still does not have male friends, she doesn't go on girl’s nights out, she doesn't even want to go to happy hour with coworkers.
We have an open electronic policy, and if I want to search any of her accounts, I have access to them all.
Will my wife cheat?
I seriously doubt it, but it’s always a possibility.
She knows I will not put up with crap, and if I think she's wrong on something, I call her out on it.
She even has told me she respects me because I will not put up with crap, and I stand up for myself.
And for my fellow men, if your girl was one of the girls I met when they went out on "Girls Night", let me apologize.
I really did ask each one of them if they were in a relationship or married.
All of them said they were single, and not a single one of them were wearing a wedding band.
After a while, I could tell the true single girls, they would stay for the night, and not leave claiming they needed to get up early for work.
I really regret that I may have caused some of you pain.
I don't want to see any of you guys go through what I had to go through, when I was younger.
Watch for red flags, and you need to keep your girls in check.