- It's kind of a chilly day outside,
so I'm just checking out some cool memes.
Huge thank you to ShipStation for sponsoring this video.
Be-woop!
Okay, we got a glove.
Oh, no lie, that could easily be a video of me.
They'll snap hard, and cause pain.
"When a pregnant woman goes swimming,
she is a human submarine."
First of all, depends if she's submerged or not.
Actually, I guess it kind of doesn't,
'cause submarines don't always have to be submerged.
She's a human submarine, it's factual.
"I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end..."
Clown, egg, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, gas, liquid, solid.
Man, this is one of those that I'm not gonna get,
Sam's gonna laugh, you're gonna laugh,
and it's all at my expense.
You, dozen, 2, 4, 6, 8, 10, even, states of matter.
In the end it doesn't even matter.
Oh, there you go, okay, so it's Linkin Park, right?
But why is that, oh, It, 'cause it's the clown, Mike.
Oh my God, is this Gerber Mountain Dew Baja Blast?
I made a mistake, and I said somewhere in one of my videos
that Sprite or Seven Up has caffeine,
and I apologize for it, I was wrong.
It's Mountain Dew that has caffeine in it.
Still not healthy for you.
Babies do not need caffeine.
They have a lot of energy, and their energy expidenture
is huge, because they're growing.
They're exploring the world, their neurons are firing
at paces that you couldn't even comprehend at your age.
Unless, of course, you're a baby.
"You've heard of elf of a shelf, but have you heard of..."
Esophagus Pharaoh.
Carsophagus of esophagus.
- [Sam] Sarcophagus.
- Sarcophagus, that's what it is.
That's cute.
"What are the results?
Doctor: you have..."
Tunnel vision?
(Sam laughing)
- [Sam] That's pretty good, it's not what it is.
- It's not?
- [Sam] That's pretty good.
- It's a tunnel, and there's fish, tunnel vision.
- [Sam] What kind of fish?
- Oh, I don't, you think I know what kind of fish that is?
- [Sam] Can you take a guess at some fish types?
- Salmon, tuna tunnel, catfish tunnel, carpal tunnel.
It's a carp?
- [Sam] Carps.
Tunnel fish-ion I think is better.
- Tunnel fish-ion is better.
"Hospital staff shortages are getting out of hand."
I love that only one of the dogs is wearing a mask.
You think one of the dogs is an anti-masker?
"Me: goes to bed; my nostrils."
Yo, so, so true.
Our bedrooms tend to be, they're over air-conditioned
or overheated, which makes them dry,
so nostrils seem to clog up.
One of my nostrils usually actually doesn't work.
I probably have a deviated septum.
"Botox."
(Mike laughing)
I like wrinkles, it shows wisdom.
Smile lines, say it with me, smile lines.
"Oh, so when other people call their pets 'fur baby,'
it's fine, but when I call a kid a 'skin dog,'
somehow I'm 'disgusting' and 'the worst
pediatrician in this hospital'?"
Can you imagine if I just walk in,
"Hey, skin dog?"
"Me: I believe science.
Science: please just don't use your phone
right before bed and right after waking up,
it's literally destroying your circadian rhythm.
Me: no."
People pick and choose when they want to listen to science.
They may believe it, but they can choose to not listen
to it, and that's the beauty of being human, right?
It goes against science to jump off of a cliff
with a squirrel suit, but yet people do it.
But that is the beauty of being human.
We are infallible creatures.
I truly actually don't even know what infallible means,
but it sounded like it worked in that sentence.
Ketchup, tomato, aww, that's actually cute,
I give that one ten out of ten for cuteness.
As you know if you're a practicing physician
or a medical student, we don't replete with blood
unless the patient is actively bleeding,
or has a hemoglobin less than seven.
Back to the memes in just a second,
but first, I wanna talk to you about ShipStation.
Look, if you've ever had to ship anything before,
I don't need to tell you how frustrating it can be,
but thanks to ShipStation, shipping will become
the easiest part of your online business.
Its order management and shipping software
is designed to make retailers' lives hassle-free.
From the dashboard, you could easily import orders
from Amazon, eBay, Etsy, even your own website,
and automate just about every shipping task,
even from your phone.
They work with international and local shipping companies
around the world, like FedEx and UPS,
and you even get access to discounted rates
that are usually reserved for Fortune 500 companies,
without the contracts or any of the commitments.
98% of the companies that use ShipStation for a year
keep using it for as long as they're in business,
and it's now available in Australia, Canada, and the UK.
Ship more in less time.
Just go to shipstation.com/doctormike
to get a 60-day free trial.
Remember, doctor is spelled out.
That's two months free of no hassle, stress-free shipping.
All right, let's get back to the memes.
"Has COVID-19 forced you to wear a mask
and glasses at the same time?
You may be entitled to condensation."
Not compensation, just condensation.
Happens all the time.
For some reason, happens to me a lot in Ubers.
Don't ask why.
"@RealDoctorMike, I'll leave this one up to you."
Whoa, inappropriate chest compressions.
Those are pelvic compressions.
Someone's gotta move her up to the sternum.
Right here where the heart, see the heart?
"You know, it's a beautiful day,
I don't know why we don't operate outside more."
Yeah, uncontrolled environment is probably why.
That's what I would go with.
No plugs is a second problem.
Dirt problem, imagine like the leaves
just getting blown into the abdominal cavity,
that would be a bigger problem.
A raccoon just runs in and steals the appendix,
another big problem.
"A colon can completely change the meaning
of a sentence, for example:
Jane ate her friend's sandwich.
Jane ate her friend's colon."
Yeah, don't eat your friend's colon.
Never thought I'd say that on this channel.
"Basic: insulin, insulin injection.
Power: allows user to not die.
Weakness: dollar signs."
Facts.
"Allows glucose to enter body's cells.
Diabetics usually don't produce insulin.
Extremely expensive in US."
That is not true about diabetics usually not producing it.
Maybe Type I diabetics that might be true for.
I mean, first of all, I don't like calling them diabetics.
Patients who have Type II diabetes,
they may produce insulin, and not have it
be effective at the site of the cells.
Good Pokemon card, though.
"Humans: born in a hospital.
Bears: born in the safety and warmth of a den.
Giraffes."
(gentle music)
Are giraffes born in a neck?
Why are giraffes born so high up?
"Tanning bed: select a cancer,
basal cell, squamous, melanoma."
Honestly, it's fairly accurate.
The fact that we still have tanning beds,
knowing how much cancer they cause,
like we've banned things that don't cause
nearly as much harm as tanning beds do.
It's just like, it's a cancer salon, it really is.
"Neighsal congestion.
Post neighsal drip."
I'm assuming, because horses go neigh?
Neighsal, neighsal?
"My brain when I try to make it learn
something that I'm not interested in:
Could not copy files because no."
I swear I have gotten this notification
when I couldn't concentrate late at night,
and full panic mode set in.
"If I can't remember this, I will fail the test,
I will not become a doctor, I will not reach the goals
that I set for myself, my father will hit me,
my Soviet father will hit me."
Suddenly, my brain started working.
I don't know why, that fear always worked
on this error configuration.
"How we see Dr. Mike.
How Dr. Mike sees Dr. Mike."
No lie, it's true.
That's actually somewhat normal.
Like, obviously not distorted like that,
but if you look at yourself, and you see
that there's like improvements to be made,
that's kind of healthy.
Like as long as you don't get stuck on that,
and constantly think about it over and over again
to the point where you hate yourself,
that can become pathologic.
Those who have a narcissistic personality disorder
will look at themselves, and see themselves as perfect,
hear themselves as perfect.
The idea of not liking hearing your voice recorded
is kind of human and normal.
"Medical students, biochemistry."
Yo, yo, yo, I've been crushing school my whole life.
As soon as I met biochemistry, I was like,
"Dang, I need help."
It's like the combination of the most difficult,
intricate parts of chemistry, mixed with like calculus,
and they had a baby.
"Why do 90% of all medicines sound like cool wizard names?
It is I, Zyrtech the almighty."
I don't understand the people behind pharmaceutical naming.
They throw Zs, Xs, they try and sound exotic.
It's my job to memorize them, and I can't,
and we expect patients to do?
I can't pronounce most of them.
"Question: what is oxytocin?"
I need some oxytocin.
Bear, oxytocin, please.
Yeah, yeah, you smell gross,
'cause you've been rolling around in the snow,
but I need the oxytocin.
"My milkshake brings all the bees to my car,
I spilled all over my car,
bees inside of my car,
they could kill me, I'm allergic to bees."
You'd better have an EpiPen ready,
and it shouldn't be my milkshake.
My honey shake brings all the bees to my car.
"When my friends ask how I can work
12 to 13 hour night shifts for so many years.
'What is already dead cannot die.'"
The paleness you develop working overnight shifts
or ICU shifts is understated for me.
I believe in that month alone,
I developed a vitamin D deficiency.
"YouTube playing two unskippable ads in a row.
Me watching a CPR tutorial to save
someone having a heart attack."
That's why you gotta get YouTube Premium.
Right here, click down below.
"Sons of Johnson & Johnson."
Dwayne Johnson.
I would really like if someone asked him an honest question,
if he was ever using supplemental testosterone.
It's a question I've been curious about,
'cause he's huge, he looks like he doesn't age,
like I would love the honesty to come out,
because I know even if I follow his routine,
there is no way I will be his size,
it's just genetically not possible.
He could also be genetically gifted,
and I may be judging him unfairly.
"Family: it's all in God's hands now."
There's a lot of technology.
What about us, the doctors, we're making decisions too.
"Oh, you're sick and really weak?
Here, tear open this steel package for medicine."
I would complain, but I know this is done
to prevent kids from having accidental ingestion.
I will give them a pass this one time
on the poopy packaging.
"I don't know how to say this."
"Oh my God, just say it."
"Dysdiadochokinesia."
Is it some kind of like an incorrect
mucus secretion of the nose?
I have no idea.
Here's the definition, right here.
"Doctor Mike: 'Never put anything in your ears.'
Me who wears hearing aids: confused screaming."
I understand, I should clarify my statement,
and say never put anything in your ears
that has not been directly recommended by another physician.
"Jokes that go over Dr. Mike's head.
Sam, Dr. Mike, fans."
It's true, there's a lot of jokes that are just like...
Don't judge me, okay?
I have like eight jobs.
Going on tour, which by the way,
if you don't have tickets to that, you're missing out,
'cause we already created the tour.
It is literally fire.
It's comedy genius with the help of some comedy geniuses,
improv, medical game shows, audience interaction,
the tickets are down below, definitely get yourself tickets,
'cause it's gonna be amazing.
I'm a boxer now, doctor obviously,
YouTuber, content creator, dog dad,
what job do you think I should have next?
Drop it down below.
Those were some ridiculous memes.
Here are some ridiculous Kickstarter
health slash fitness products.
Some of them made me bleed, some of them made me gag,
also don't forget to go get your 60-day free trial
to ShipStation by visiting shipstation.com/doctormike,
and as always, stay happy and healthy.
(upbeat music)