-Congratulations, hosted "SNL." Fantastic.
-Yeah, that was awesome. -Second time back.
-Yes. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Needless to say, I was thrilled to see Stefon again.
-Yes, Stefon did come back. [ Cheers and applause ]
-And, uh... -That's John Mulaney.
-Yep.
-John Mulaney writes Stefon and is our dear friend.
And he came out as Stefon's lawyer, Shy.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
He was a lawyer as well as a -- -As a conceptual piss artist.
-Yeah. [ Laughter ]
-And he whispered in my ear to make me laugh.
He said, "My girlfriend" -- [ Laughing ]
[ Laughter ]
He goes, "My girlfriend works at Yoshinoya Beef Bowl."
[ Laughter ]
Which is a restaurant chain in L.A.
[ Laughter ]
-I will say it's very --
You mentioned -- I got a nice mention.
Thank you so much. -Yes, yes.
I did "A Closer Look."
Stefon, your husband, did "A Closer Look."
-And it is -- It's the question
I get asked the most is, "How's Stefon?"
-Uh-huh. [ Laughing ]
-So I was very happy to be --
Like, it's a weird thing, 'cause I'm --
I just want you to know, I'm fully aware that Stefon
is a fictional character. -Oh, sure.
-But when he's with other men, I have a real, like,
"I'm glad he's happy." -Yeah, right, right, right.
[ Laughter ]
"Oh, Colin." -Oh, good -- Colin.
-"I love it -- Colin. Oh, that's interesting."
-Oh, good. Little young for you, Stefon.
-Little young, Colin. Oh, yeah.
"Little young. Going young. I see how it is."
-But I'm happy for you, Stefon. -I'm doing well, too.
[ Laughter ]
-But I want to ask -- Wait, I want to show a clip.
You played an old man. What was your name in the scene?
-Oh, Horace! -Horace.
-Horace. He -- He, uh...
-Yeah. -So that was a sketch
that Cecily Strong and James Anderson wrote.
And it just said, "Bill enters in a wheelchair."
And I was like, "Well, that's getting picked."
-Yeah. -"We're gonna do that."
And it's very dirty. -You had taken some Cialis.
-And she wants to get pregnant. -Yeah.
-And so -- [ Laughter ]
We're a couple, and my Cialis kicked in,
and it only lasts for a couple minutes,
so they had to take the opportunity
to try to get pregnant. [ Laughter ]
-I was so impressed, because I know from
having worked there and just network censors,
clearly, the rules are you're not allowed to simulate at all.
-Anything! -Yeah.
-And Betsy, very nice lady, came down and said,
"Bill, you are not allowed to move a muscle
when she sits down on you." -Yeah.
-"Or we're gonna be -- you know, we're gonna get in trouble.
But, you know, it was fun.
-But what you could move was the wheelchair.
-I could move the -- -And you were really --
[ Laughter ]
You were really good at it.
And I want to show --
[ Laughter ]
This is, uh -- You were great.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-It was so bad. Poor Melissa.
Oh, yeah. Do you have a clip of it?
-Oh, yeah. Let's take a look.
-I guess we will leave.
Come on, Horace.
Wow.
Slow...
Slow.
Horace.
-Know what? No.
You know what?
You should be ashamed of yourselves.
This woman is -- [ Laughing ]
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
This woman is your friend.
-You, uh -- [ Cheers and applause ]
-I'm so bad at my job.
-You got very, um --
I was watching that, I'm like, "Oh, God, Bill got very good
over the years of knowing where to put his face when he breaks."
-Yeah, I had to go right behind her, yeah.
Well, it was bad 'cause I backed up and I knew I hit something,
but I didn't know what it was.
And I could hear Melissa behind me going, "It's me."
[ Laughter ]
Just like, "Oh, it's me."
And I look, and I see Aidy Bryant,
so I'm like, "Well, if Aidy's alone,
that means I have the entire table behind me."
[ Laughter ]
And she's looking at me like this, and I'm just like --
-It was -- You always -- [ Laughter ]
There's such little space
to operate anything in an "SNL" sketch.
-Oh, no, it's awful. -And it reminded me
another sketch you were in, which was a game-show sketch
where Wiig and Maya were like
showcase show girls in a golf cart.
-Yes, yes. -And I think Maya
was driving around a golf cart in just a tiny circle,
and Wiig had to run around her being like, "Wait! Hold on!"
[ Laughter ]
-And then it cut to me and Vanessa Bayer.
That was the sketch that started -- I'm sorry.
That was the sketch that started, um --
-Oh, yeah, it was a game-show sketch
with the best opening line.
-The best opening line was -- So it was like,
"You -- We -- You said --
Now we're back from the break.
The answer you gave was "beef."
I'm so sorry, but the correct answer was "nine."
[ Laughter ]
Which means that she said, "I believe the answer is beef,"
and they went, "We'll see if you're correct
right after this message." [ Laughter ]
And I read that -- James Anderson, again, wrote it.
And when that came up, we all started laughing.
-It was great. Well, you crushed it, buddy.
-Thank you, buddy. -And congrats on "Barry."
Can't wait to see more of it. -Awesome.
-Bill Hader, everybody.