Hello and thank you for your comments
and questions for the Fake Trump - or as
Remy Melliard put it: "Long time, no Fake Trump"
"Totally not good."
And so we take you now - live - to this press conference,
already in progress.
I know a lot of you agree
that with Donald Trump the hands
tell the real story. It's true, it is so true.
In fact this guy points out that
the fingers literally the digits are digital.
They're binary.
They keep making one of two gestures:
1's and 0's, 1's and 0's...
It's like a binary code.
And if you could translate the Morse code,
I think it's like an SOS: "we did not choose
to be part of this! We are here against
our will! Someone please save us!"
Next: China! I had a very productive meeting
with the president of China: Xi Jingping.
(nailed it) And I told him: in China it is
so dirty the air, so dirty. Pollution so bad.
They're now the number one polluter in
the world. Did you know that? Number one.
And that is why I have brought back coal
mining in the United States! Because when
it comes to the world's biggest
polluters, I promise - from this day
forward - it will be only America first!
Next question:
BOTH!
Why do you think I do so much of my
decorating in gold? Nigel, big fan of the
piss play. His mouth, super big.
Next: North Korea
and Syria. Not good. And with these
threats to our national security I
hereby ask all Americans to answer the
questions that really matter like:
"Who in the Obama White House was wiretapping me?"
Was it China? Because we now have
evidence
it was Susan Rice. And by evidence, I mean I
saw it on a conspiracy website on the
internet. And her name is 'Rice.'
Coincidence? I don't think so.
Next question:
Merkel: why didn't you shake her hand?
Well, you know how I like to do a
handshake. It's like arm-wrestling.
And I looked at her and I was
pretty sure I was not going to win.
well I look better than
Steve Bannon. Okay, he's off the Security Council.
Next up: Tax Day in America!
I know everyone likes to complain "Oh no.."
"Tax Day is coming up, I have to pay so much.
"It's so complicated..."
I don't know why
more people don't treat Tax Day like I do:
It's a celebration! Because if you do
your job right, you don't have to pay any tax!
Like me, I'm very smart. Very good
businessman. And for me, the 15th of April?
It's like Kings Day in the Netherlands.
This is, it's a celebration. The whole day,
they have no taxes at all. They celebrate!
And that is why I am abolishing the IRS!
And by the way I'm also making myself King.
That is how we are going to make
the American colonies great again.
And finally!
First of all,
I guarantee you I am NOT micro, and I
guarantee you I am NOT soft.
And that was it for the Fake Trump press
conference! You know how it works - if you
ask your questions in the comments below
maybe next time they will be answered by
the Fake Trump.