-Welcome, welcome, welcome to
"The Tonight Show."
Thank you for being here. Thank you for watching.
[ Cheering and applause ]
Well, guys, after teasing a name change for a while, now,
today Mark Zuckerberg finally revealed
the new name of Facebook. Here it is.
-To reflect who we are
and what we hope to build,
I am proud to announce that, starting today,
our company is now...
[ Laughter ]
-What? -Yeah.
-Meta? -Meta.
-What? -Yeah.
Meta, as in, "When I joined Facebook,
I Meta [met a] lot of crazy people."
[ Laughter and applause ] -Hey! -Thank you.
[ Rimshot ]
-Yeah!
Wow, baby!
-Yeah, Facebook changed their name
and the response spectrum was like --
[ Smoker's gravelly voice ] We used to be TimeWarner
and people still hate us.
[ Laughter and applause ]
This feels like when there's an E. coli outbreak
at a pizza place and they just change the name
from Sal & Tony's to Tony & Sal's.
[ Laughter ] Same grass owners, yeah.
Companies often change their name
to help their image and, since it's up for grabs,
Johnson & Johnson is now
Facebook & Facebook.
[ Laughter and applause ]
They'll take it.
Meta.
Yeah, Meta. Apparently, they're trying
to win back younger users.
They even released a new ad
and it seems like they're trying a little too hard
to get to young -- You be the judge.
-What up, fam?!
You want a dope social media network
that's so snatched?!
Then join Facebook.
-F-F-F-Facebook!
-We're totally bussin' with Russian memes.
And we got a hella fire CEO.
[ Roars ]
We're not cheugy.
We're the GOAT.
-[ Screeching ]
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Cheering ]
-Wow!
-"What up, fam?!"
[ Laughter ]
Some news from the White House --
coming off some of his lowest approval rating numbers,
today President Biden left for Europe
and his first stop is in Rome,
where he's going to meet with Pope Francis.
Now, however, the Vatican just canceled
the live broadcast of the two of them meeting.
Not a great time for Biden, when the Pope is like,
"I can't be seen with you right now."
[ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, since Biden is going to be out of town for Halloween,
the White House will not be holding
its usual trick-or-treating event.
[ Audience awws ]
Smart move, though, to announce to the entire country
that you're going to be out of town on Halloween.
[ Laughter ] "How far do you think
I can throw this egg? Hit the West Wing
from here, you think?" [ Laughter ]
If there's another toilet paper shortage,
you can find it in all the trees around the White House.
[ Laughter ]
Biden actually wanted to do trick-or-treating,
but Joe Manchin blocked it
because he hates government handouts.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Cheering ] -Come on!
[ Rimshot ]
Come on! -That's right,
no Halloween at the White House,
meanwhile, one very nervous bird was like,
"He's still doing the turkey pardoning next month, right?
[ Laughter ] Hi, I'm Giblet, by the way."
[ Laughter ]
"I'm Wishbone, yeah.
[ Laughter ]
In a couple weeks, it's going to be like
Red Light, Green Light with us, so."
[ Laughter ]
Did you guys see this? While talking to reporters,
Senator Bernie Sanders was interrupted
by a phone call and people were talking
about his loud ringtone. Listen to this.
-So you're not onboard with this
framework, as it's now drafted?
[ Ring ] -I want to see the language.
[ Ring ] I want to see it improved.
[ Ring ] And again, I think it -- you know.
[ Laughter ] Yeah, that's actually
not an old-timey ringtone.
He actually has a rotary phone in his pocket.
[ Laughter and applause ] [ As Sanders ] I can only go
60 feet from my house before the --
[ Laughter and applause ]
Then, he picked up the phone by putting a horn in his ear.
[ As Sanders ] Hello! What?!
[ Laughter ]
Hey, this is cool -- Delta Airlines
is launching a new program that will use facial recognition
for passengers going through TSA.
It's all part of Delta's brilliant plan
to get people to take their masks off at the airport.
[ Laughter ]
They actually had the same facial recognition program
before you board a plane on Southwest Airlines. Check this out.
-[ Speaking Korean ]
[ Laughter and applause ] -Yeah.
Yeah, they don't mess around on Southwest, yeah.
[ Applause ] They don't mess around.
[ Cheering ]
Some more travel news.
This is real.
United Airlines just announced that, next month,
it will begin selling
mini bottles of hard liquor on flights.
[ Cheering and applause ]
Yeah, the move is all part of the company's new slogan...
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Wow! -[ Slurring ] I'll just have
one more. I'll just have one more.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, I saw that a futuristic robot dog
was just spotted walking
down 6th Avenue here in New York City.
Watch this video, yeah.
-[ Barks ]
-Yeah. Even crazier, there was another robot walking behind it
with a little plastic bag.
[ Laughter ] -Oh.
-I love how New Yorkers walked by
like nothing was happening, like, "Oh, yeah."
[ Laughter ] The robot was like --
[ As Schwarzenegger ] I'm a cybernetic organism sent
from the future to pee on fire hydrants.
[ Laughter and applause ]
They're like, "Oh, that? That's normal. No big deal."
[ Laughter ] And, finally, this isn't good --
a new study shows small amounts of plastic are found
in the food from chains like McDonald's.
[ Murmuring ] You can tell things are bad at McDonald's.
Today, they changed their name to McMeta.
[ Laughter and applause ]