- My name is Angel, I'm 46 and I got pregnant at 17
and had an abortion.
- I'm Melissa, I'm 24, I got pregnant at 19
and now my son is four years old.
(gently chiming bells)
I got pregnant at 18, right after I moved away for college.
I moved about three hours away from home,
found out I was pregnant and I had to call my parents
and tell them, it was kind of scary.
My boyfriend, at the time, left for the military,
so I was living all alone, basically,
away from home for the first time.
When he came back home we ended up breaking up,
and so my son was about three months old,
so from then on I actually moved back home
and raised my son up there, with my family.
- It's good that you had your family with you.
- Yeah, don't know what I would've done without them.
- I got pregnant at 17 and I lived with my family
but we were kind of dysfunctional.
The thought of bringing a baby into that wasn't a good idea.
And although I had wanted to keep my baby
and I really considered it but
I ended up going to an abortion clinic
and having an abortion.
I think in the long run it worked out better for me
as, like I said, I came from a dysfunctional family
and that's something I still haven't addressed with myself
so I don't think I'd be a very good parent.
I'm a great Nanny!
- I went to a Catholic school,
so it was like pretty much non-existent.
(laughs)
I don't wanna say it was totally non-existent,
like maybe a five minute talk in health class as sophomores.
I do remember my parents had like a quick talk with me too.
I was about 16 and my Dad took me to, like, a OB-GYN
for an appointment, so I could meet with the doctor
and have, like, a private conversation too.
- I went to a public school and
we had health class in junior high
and you know, they vaguely touch on things,
but I don't think it's quite as cohesive as it could be.
And a lot of what I picked up was from, like,
you know, magazines, TV, whatever, talking to friends.
A lot of (laughs) dirty magazines, quite honestly.
Yeah, that it would be better.
I mean you see all these movies and TV shows,
and everybody's having sex, and you're like,
that looks like fun, and honestly it's not as fun,
because most of the time your partners
aren't going to know what the hell they're doing.
So, it's like, I have this pregnancy now
and it wasn't really worth the fun.
- I felt like growing up I was kind of like
the last one to the party,
like all my friends were already, like, way ahead of me,
they were ringing up boys and they were like 13.
And I came from like a stricter family and
I was also heavily involved in, like, cheerleading and stuff
so I was always busy and I didn't really have, like,
the free time to do what my friends were doing.
By the time I was, like 17, and finally had ,like,
freedom of a car, I just felt like
I had to, like, hit the ground runnin',
like I just had so much time to make up for.
- I was kinda the same way, in that,
I didn't start having sex 'til I was 17.
When I finally had sex with my partner
I expected it to be a little more.
But, like you, I was, like I said, 17 years old
and all of my friends were having sex, you know,
in junior high.
- Yeah, yeah, same.
When I was, like 16, I started taking the pill
and then, I think around, like,
when I first started college, I decided to do the shot,
and I think when I ended up getting pregnant,
I think I just needed, like, another shot
and I think I must've been like a week late to go get it
or something at the clinic.
I was, like, doing my best, you know,
it's just one of those things where I got caught up
in life and let it slip my mind for maybe like a week,
or something, and it caught up to me.
- Wow! So like, just a week in between?
- Yeah, I think, like, I had my appointment scheduled
and something, like work or something, came up,
so I canceled it, and
thought I'd come back to it, or something.
What about you?
- I actually did not take any precautions,
I did not take birth control 'til I was older.
When I was 17 and when I got pregnant, I was...
just wild.
I don't think the whole time that we were having sex,
which was a few months, that we ever used any kind of...
- Just took the risk. - Yeah.
- I feel like that's kind of like a common thing
that teenagers think they can do.
- I think so too, because you think you're invincible
when your younger.
And you're like, Oh that's not going to happen to me,
and then all of a sudden you're like whoops!
- And now it did.
- My Dad had a lot of porno magazines hanging around,
(laughs) so I learned a lot from there
but not really from them.
Like, even now, they don't really talk about sex,
which is really weird.
- My parents were teenage parents so I think they
just tried to, like, keep me away from all that
and their, like, way of keeping me away from it
and protect me, was just pretending
like it wasn't an option.
- And see how well that worked!
- Yeah, and just completely just ignoring it altogether.
We might have talked about it, like, briefly,
maybe 10 minutes out of, like, my teenage years.
(bouncy music)
- I thought about it a little bit.
I kind of had decided
that I didn't think that I wanted kids.
I just really wanted to, like, focus on my career
in graphic design and kind of move to a bigger city
and just, really just do my work.
Basically I just wanted to spend my whole life doing that,
kind of just exploring and being like a free person.
- I thought about it for, like, five seconds
and decided it wasn't for me.
I was actually the neighborhood baby-sitter, like,
if these kids are that bad, I don't want to have my own.
- And never have a break.
- (laughs) never have a break.
(guitar music)
I felt really queasy and it went on for couple of weeks
and I ended up taking a pregnancy test, at my house.
You know it could happen, but you still don't know
what the hell to do when it does.
You're like, well (beep) now what happens?
- When I was on the shot, like, my period was also
really irregular so I didn't really have that to go off of.
I think I just had, like, some random lower back pain,
or something random and my boyfriend, at the time,
he's the one who actually suggested it.
And I was just like, you're wrong, but OK!
Like, I'll just prove you wrong.
And then, he was right.
- I think they were disappointed.
They were already in like a weird head space,
because my brother had passed away.
I don't think that they thought I was going to do
such an irresponsible thing,
not that I was ever a responsible child or anything
but they just expected me to be smarter about things.
They weren't overly caring or nice about it.
- So I kind of had, like, a similar experience.
My parents were kind of shocked.
I was really, like, focused on school.
I had just done, like, 18 credit semesters,
so, like, I was really, really busy with school.
I had, like, two jobs,
so I think everybody just kind of thought
that was, like, gonna be my only focus.
They definitely weren't, like, unsupportive
but, given like the distance and stuff,
I still kind of, like, felt alone,
even if I, like, kind of had their constant communication.
(rhythmic music)
- I guess I kind of just knew like right away,
just from being, like, in a Catholic school
and pretty strict parents.
They raised me as teenagers and I just kind of felt
that like, that's kind of what I knew,
that's kind of what people did.
I didn't really know, like, any other option
really existed that was OK at that time.
I just wasn't really educated on other options,
not that I regret my choice at all, I just feel like
I wasn't really handed with any other choices,
like I didn't have anything else to consider.
- The funny thing is, my grandmother, on my Dad's side,
is Catholic, very, very Catholic.
And then the Mexican family,
who wanted to take care of me, they're Mormons,
so I had all this, like, religious people that
wanted me to keep the child.
And I was never ready for it,
and the situation just wasn't ideal at all.
I don't regret my decision,
I do often wonder about it,
but for me it couldn't have happened any other way.
(chime music)
- No, because I didn't really have any at that time,
I was undecided as far as, you know,
if I was going to go to college or get a job, or whatever.
At the time I was working at a grocery store.
I didn't have any plans and the pregnancy didn't really
affect it, other than, taking money.
How about you?
- Well, I had already done one year of college,
so I kind of just really wanted to stick with that,
I felt like, you know, if I already had one year down,
I might as well stick with that 'cause that'd be, like,
my fastest track of, like, some sort of education.
It took me a lot longer to get my degree.
I had, like a year or two, where I was taking,
like a half semester, or like two classes in a semester.
I got it in, like, five years.
So I ended up doing it longer than most people,
but I still stayed on track.
- Good job, 'cause I'm a flake, I can't...
- I almost did, I was so close.
(guitar music)
- It's something that I didn't deal with
for a really long time.
And I kinda just disassociated
and I vaguely remember them just telling me
to count back from 10.
And then when I next came to apparently I was screaming
but they had found my Dad and he finally, like,
came and got me and he took me home
and he and my Mom both took care of me.
I am really super grateful that I was able to access that.
- After, like, I'd given birth, my son was in the NICU.
We were actually in separate hospitals.
That was kind of a weird process, like,
since he wasn't with me, I was able to sleep.
And so then I had to have, like, hospital transport me
over to see him at his hospital,
'cause he's at, like, a special childrens hospital.
So that was pretty rough, and like dealing with
the whole, like, NICU experience too.
So like, on top of already not having anybody near me
or, like, experiencing anything similar.
I had, like, an extra level of having a NICU baby.
My family was there, it was flu season,
so I was only allowed to let, like, two people in.
I only saw doctors and then the two people
that I had put on, like, the list.
(gentle rhythmic music)
- I think I might now, I don't think I would.
I mean my son's four so its really hard because
like now he's independent and, like,
he sleeps and he eats and he takes care of himself.
I just can't imagine, like, giving up sleep again.
- (laughs) Sleep is very, very important.
- Maybe in like 5 years I might change my mind,
but for now I'm just happy with just one.
- I'm actually really terrified of the pain,
because I like my vagina how it is
and I really don't want it, like, ripped up
or, you know, any of that stuff.
So, if I could have a baby where they just take it out
without too much fuss, I probably would.
- The myth is that it can't happen to you, but it can,
obviously, and it can happen at any time.
- Another thing that I experienced going through it
was how many friends you lose.
I guess you don't really think about it, like,
as your pregnant, but you get excluded
from a lot of, like, teenage experiences.
And you always think like, oh, they're my best friend
they'll always invite me.
You never really realize that it's just, kind of,
almost impossible just to keep that same, like,
teenage experience alive and no matter how hard you try
you still kind of just fall out of it.
(gently chiming bells)
Be smarter, educate yourself more, before you
really think you know everything as a kid,
without, like, any research.
Like, just don't go off of what people say on, like,
movies and your friends, like, just really like
look into it yourself, I guess and like research,
educate yourself.
- I agree (laughs) and also be more aware of your pleasure
than his.
- I can't say that my life is good or bad,
it is what it is.
I've dealt with a lot of (beep), even before then and after.
And I think, had I had a child,
it would have been even worse.
I think, right now, for where I am right this second,
it was the best choice.
- I think, it was really hard in the beginning
but I think where I've made it to now,
my son's four years old, he's in school,
he's doing pretty well.
I graduated college, I'm older and I'm stable
and I definitely think that, like, for myself,
I made a good choice and I was able to handle it
as well as I could.
And didn't really let it, like, derail me for too long
to where I wasn't able to, like, recover.
- You're a badass!
- I try.
- I think this was a great experience,
I'm grateful to talk to you and I think
you're an amazing person.
You've definitely inspired me in my, like, flakey ass,
that's for sure.
- I really enjoyed, like, hearing your story
and learning what, like, the other side, I guess,
what that experience is like.
It's really, like, eye-opening, just kind of to hear that,
you know, there are other options if you do feel like
raising a child isn't the best.
And your life will definitely still be OK,
even if you feel like, you know, you're a lost teenager.
I don't know, I like hearing other peoples stories
and I really liked hearing yours.
- I liked hearing yours as well.
(serene music)