(music)
(laughter)
- I do have this sort of secret shame,
that I've only just begun to share with audiences,
but the night after this last election,
I accidentally fucked a Trump voter.
(laughing)
Yeah, no, now hear me out, I was drunk.
It was last call, he walked in, he had genitals
and he said let's go,
and halfway back to my apartment he finally turns to me
and he's like "how about this election?"
And I was like, oh I can't believe I didn't ask about this,
it's crazy what's going to happen to our country,
I'm terrified, and then just the longest pause imaginable
and he was like, "yeah, but he has some good ideas."
And I was like, NO!
I feel like I've spent the last ten years of my life
telling conservatives online to suck my dick
and then one finally did, you know,
and I hated it!
(laughter) Thank you so much, goodnight!
- [Announcer] Now let's hear it for Joel Kim Booster!
(applause)
(text notification)
- Oh, no!
- I caught a centipede in the bathroom
(gasp) holy shit!
- I know, right?
- Oh my god, I don't even know what to do with that.
- I think I'd need more than a condom as protection,
like, I wanna take this dick to court
and get a restraining order against this penis.
- That's gonna be a no for me, dog.
- Yeah, no ticket to Hollywood for this penis.
Come back next season, maybe.
Oh, my car's here. - Okay, bye!
(smacking lips)
Find a reasonably sized penis, okay!
- Oh, I did, it's right there!
- Oh, thank you!
(upbeat music)
(text notifications)
- Not much, you?
Not much, you?
- [Emcee] Please help me welcome to the stage right now,
Shalewa Sharpe!
(applause)
- I'm not used to a New York City crackhead,
like I'm from the South, so, a more genteel,
like a crack gentleman is what I'm used to,
you know what I mean? (laughter)
Somebody who really cares
about the people he's stealing from.
My crackhead in Atlanta once came up to me
and he was like, "Hey, miss lady,
I really hate to tell you this,
but I caught somebody else going through your car."
Okay, what is else?
Who?
Else, okay, alright.
(text notifications)
(bar music)
- Yeah, it's dead, right?
So dead.
- Oh, my god, you came?
- Yeah, I came, I said I was gonna come.
Okay, someone's cute in person.
- Thanks, uh, didn't you say you were,
like, with a group of people?
- That's a figure of speech.
- Is it? (laughter)
- So, you're a comedian?
Funny boy.
I bet you are really funny, I can tell.
- I like to think I am.
(laughter)
- So what is this, is this like a stand-up,
or is this like improv, or do you have like a team?
Is it like, happening now, is it happening later, or
- The show actually happens in that bar, over there.
This is more like the back bar where comedians come
to be alone and sort of center themselves before the set.
- Oh, okay. - Just be alone,
big part of it. - Yeah!
Okay well, good thing I came, because now you have company.
Let's just get a drink, right?
Excuse me, hi, I'd like a drink,
that's why I'm sitting here.
I'd like to not wait longer, please,
I'd like a Sprite.
- I think he's doing his best.
- Okay, we don't know him and we don't know that.
- Well, I do, I mean, I see him,
might have to see him a lot.
- Thanks. - I'm so sorry.
- Okay, so, a little about me,
I have never lost a Pepsi Challenge.
- Oh, okay, cool.
(bar music)
- So should we go make out?
- So I was coming back from my father's memorial service,
and a coworker came up to me,
and she said, "Oh, wow, so both of your parents are gone?"
And I said, "Yeah, unfortunately that is the case."
And then, she said,
"Wow, don't you wish you had had kids,
so they could've known their grandkids?"
(boos)
Biotch! (laughter)
What?
Okay, I'm just waiting on a bagel
and you've handed me an existential crisis.
Thank you, thank you, good morning, thank you.
(squeaking)
- That is not how my live-in boyfriend of six years does it.
- Wait, what?
- Nah, its..
- Okay, uhm,
well, thank you so much
for that experience.
But in the meantime, I think the show is actually happening
right now so I should probably go.
(laughter)
Is he a ghost?
- This is one of our best friends, make some noise
- He's the best,
- Joel Kim Booster! - It's Joel Kim everybody!
- I just would like to clarify off top
that I am their best friend, but they're not my best friend.
I just want to set the record straight really quick.
(electro music)