A few months ago Amazon CEO.
Jeff Bezos became the richest man in the world.
His current net worth is around 140 billion dollars.
So. How should the world's richest man spend his money?
To find out I asked one of our writers
who is actually an expert in Jeff Bezos.
Please welcome
Lucas Kavner thank you so much Jim. Thank you.
How do you know so much about Jeff.
Well Jim we actually have a very close friendship
one that started blossoming
when we starred in a commercial together here
take a look like Wall Street voice.
How is that even possible?
We have the replacements ready to just say the word
and you're sure this is going to work?
Yeah. Wow. I've got chills.
You didn't do anything. Didn't I Jim, didn't I?
Here look at this.
See I could have done nothing at all with my face.
Instead I chose to do something weird
and distracting with it.
Martin Scorsese would say is a very good acting .
So you and Jeff became friends on set?
Oh yeah yeah.
And by friends I mean he actually doesn't know my name
and we were actually forbidden from speaking to him entirely.
We had a best friend vibe you know and that's why
I feel comfortable talking to him openly and honestly.
So in a recent interview just said that the only way
he can think to spend his Amazon money
is to put all of it into space travel.
He didn't say one of the ways he said
the only way. Space travel is literally the only way
he can think to spend 140 billion dollars.
And you think that's wasteful.
Oh No Jim I think it's mad sick.
See billionaires going to do what they going to do.
And billionaires want to do is a bunch of space bullshit.
Jeff I want to speak to you directly for a moment
because you're my best friend.
Jeff you can't only do the space stuff
OK right now almost half of American families
can't afford rent and food.
The average Amazon employee makes 30 grand a year
which you make every nine seconds.
That's 12 million dollars an hour pre taxes.
Just kidding Amazon doesn't pay taxes.
Jeff I want you to go to space.
OK. Build a planet at a Kindles. Buy Orion's Belt
and change the name to Jeff's belt. Have fun up there.
But then what if you use some of your extra space cash
to buy like 20 million dollars worth of food
and then you can use your rocket to fly around Earth
giving it out to the millions of hungry people
who think you spending all your money on space
and super fucking stupid.
That's a win win.
Interesting suggestion Lucas
do you think Jeff Bezos will take your advice.
We'll see. I hope you're listening Jeff.
I also left this is as voicemail on your phone
if you want to check them out. Oh he gave you his number?
Oh absolutely not Jim I have no idea who I called
Couldn't he just donate the money or establish a separate charity
like using a rocket to deliver food.
Seems sort of cool but mostly dumb.
Exactly. Jim that's the kind of shit billionaires eat up.
It's like Elon Musk you know
Elon right? He made that car you drive.
Oh I love my Tesla I love it.
It's good for the environment it's got a cool door handles
it does have cool door handles very cool door.
Yeah. Your Tesla is mad sick.
So the other day Elon tweeted I'm starting a candy company
and it's going to be amazing.
Yeah that's a real thing he actually wrote
and not just something he screamed at his parents
on his eighth birthday when they tried
to take away his giant bag of Skittles.
Elon loves cool and mostly dumb stuff
but Elon I want to speak to you
directly even though we've never met.
So we're only second best friends.
Elon you make your candy company buddy.
Give yourself a big top hat like Willy Wonka
and call yourself Elon The crazy candy boy.
But then what if what if in the same building as the candy
factory right you also make a bunch of affordable houses.
You can call them houselas which is fun.
Because it's like a play on the word Tesla.
Oh yeah I hae a Tesla. Yes you do you have a Tesla.
And then instead of selling these houselas
for a bunch of money you can just drop them
into poor or refugee communities for free
since you're a fucking billionaire.
Great idea Lucas that plan sounds sort of cool but mostly dumb.
Yeah now you're talking like a billionaire Jim.
Perhaps perhaps you will be my new best friend.
I just learnt your name today. Lucas Kavner everyone.
Doesn't have a Tesla.