Improvement Pill here today I have a special guest on the channel the author
of international best-selling books the happiness equation and the book of
Awesome Neil Pasricha and he's gonna talk to you about how to become tougher
take it away Neil in my late 20s my wife told me she didn't love me anymore
and asked me for a divorce a few days later I lost one of my best friends from
a suicide I was in complete shock and ended up losing a lot of weight suddenly
due to stress people at work would ask me what's your secret is this keto and
I'd say no it's just no food no sleep I had the raccoon eyes and a zombie look
to prove it to my parents became very worried about me so they put me in touch
with a therapist I had never seen a therapist before and I didn't want to
start I thought they were for people with serious issues real problems but
then when I started seeing one I basically bounced off the walls feeling
great after each session why well therapy helped because it allowed me to
spill my thoughts my anxious thoughts my bizarre thoughts my wild thoughts
whether they made sense or not and my body felt the high of that
crystallization and objection that mental orgasm the process helped me sort
clarify and confirm my feelings and that ultimately helped me get tougher and
move forward I gained confidence to move out on my own eventually begin dating
again and slowly after working through a ton of confidence and comparison issues
meet someone new who I fell in love with very few of us have any kind of practice
where we speak to a pro about her thoughts or where we do something really
proactive to help ourselves process them therapy is great but it is very hard to
access I mean it's expensive and there are often cultural or social stigmas so
I developed a simple science back tool so that you can get many of the same
benefits without having to go to therapy it's a two minute morning practice that
help stuff in your mind each day how does it work
every morning you grab an index card and write three prompts I will let go of I
am grateful for and I will focus on I do this every morning now so for example in
a recent entry I wrote I will let go of comparing myself to Tim Ferriss I am
grateful for the smell of wet leaves on my driveway I will
focus on writing a new chapter of my next book it takes only two minutes to
do and it will help your mind toughen and ready itself up for the day why does
it work well for the first prompt I will let go of research published in science
magazine by neuroscientist Stephanie Bryson and her colleagues called don't
look back in anger responsiveness to miss chances in successful and non
successful aging show that minimizing regrets as we age creates greater
contentment and happiness the research also shows that holding on to regrets
causes us to take more aggressive and risky actions in the future so the
strongest and happiest people are aware of regrets they Harbor and then choose
to let them go what does that mean well it means crazy as it sounds whenever we
write out our little anxieties they disappear I have five pounds of blubber
on my stomach I'm worried about what school my kid will go to next year I
think I said the wrong thing in an important email yesterday want to know
what happens when I flip back in my journal weeks later oh I think to myself
what email was I worried about again I often can't even remember what the cause
for concern was what about the big anxieties say your mom is sick gravely
ill these may be her final days well the two minute morning practice still help
yes it will because you're saying it you're moving it you're processing it
you're admitting how you feel about it so the heaviness can be examined and
acknowledged for the second prompt I am grateful for research by professors
Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough show that if you write down five
gratitudes a week you'll be measurably happier and even physically healthier
over a 10-week period you are really helping your brain build stronger neural
pathways towards the positive rather than the negative places our minds
naturally want to go and the more specific the better writing down family
food and job or something similarly vague over and over doesn't actually
cause any spike in happiness take the example I just mentioned about
your mom being gravely ill even writing down gratitudes will force your brain to
find little positives even amidst a bigger negative situation
I got to read my mom the book she read to me when I was a kid
nurse Jasmine brought me a coffee my kids all came home for the weekend for
the first time this year it's a simple practice that allows for a quick
therapeutic strengthening and little moment of presence from our future
focused minds and now finally the last prompt what does I will focus on help us
do well one thing that causes anxiety is your gigantic could do or should do list
that you face every morning the last prompt helps you strip away the endless
lists of things you could do and focus instead on the thing you actually will
do why because if you don't you will mentally revisit your could do list all
day and that will only cause decision fatigue decision-making uses a
particularly complex part of the brain and we are wasting energy
anytime we're unfocused as Florida State professor of psychology Roy Baumeister
and New York Times journalist John Tierney said in the book willpower
rediscovering the greatest human strength decision fatigue helps explain
why ordinarily sensible people get angry at colleagues and Families splurge on
clothes buy junk food at the supermarket and can't resist the dealer's offer to
rust-proof their new car no matter how rational and high-minded you try to be
you can't make decision after decision without paying a biological price it's
different from ordinary physical fatigue you're not consciously aware of being
tired but you're low on mental energy the simple two-minute warning practice
helps develop mental toughness right before you get out of bed I will
let go of helps avoid revisiting a worry throughout the day I am grateful for
helps be more positive every day I will focus on keeps your attention on a big
goal do this every day and I guarantee that you'll find that less things bother
you your mood becomes improved overall and you become tougher I hope you guys
learned a lot today from Neal the strategy he just shared is only one of
nine powerful different concepts that he talks about in detail in his latest book
you are awesome how to navigate change wrestle with failure and live an
intentional life which just came out I hi
recommend you guys to check it out by clicking on the link in the description
box below besides that guys stay tuned