So there’s this cute guy who seems totally cool and you know you’d get along great.
There’s only one problem: you’ve never met!
Not to worry.
I’m here to give you a foolproof guide to messaging him first so that you can get him
out of your instagram feed and into your life!
Hi youtube, I’m Amy North, a relationship coach from the west coast of Canada.
Today I’m going to give you my tips and tricks to sliding into dms.
Meeting online is pretty common these days, whether it’s Tinder, Bumble or even just
Instagram.
But what do you do when he doesn’t message you first?
That’s where I come in.
First off, what does it mean to slide into someone’s DMs?
Put simply, you’re sending a Direct Message (or DM) out of the blue to someone you’ve
never met.
I want to start by saying, while sliding into DMs isn’t a bad idea, real life trumps online
every time.
If you have any way to start a conversation or make a connection face to face then opt
for that if possible.
Otherwise, keep watching!
My first tip is to ask him an open-ended question
This is the same advice I’d give to guys trying to chat up girls.
Don’t just say “hey”.
Think of it like passing a stranger on the street.
You can say hello and maybe they’ll say hi back but it’s rarely going to get a conversation
going.
You need to say something that gets a response out of them and the best way is to ask an
open-ended question.
Nothing too serious but something thought provoking that they can’t answer with a
single word.
If you’re not sure if your question is any good, before you ask him, answer it yourself.
If your answer was interesting and easy to come up with then it’s probably a good question.
Respond to his instagram story
This is one of my best tips that I think is a very strong move when trying to make first
contact.
There are two reasons this works.
One, it gives you two something to talk about.
You’re responding to something he posted so it’s a great way to get a dialogue going.
Say he posts a picture of some nice scenery you can simply respond “Wow.
Where is this?” and the conversation will naturally go from there.
Easy, right?
Two, if you just send him a direct message out of the blue about nothing in particular
then he might get the feeling that you’ve been thinking a lot about sending him a message.
Think about it.
You had to make the choice to seek out his profile, go to his page and send him a message.
This shows that he’s on your mind.
While this isn’t a bad thing, it can give some guys a big head and make them feel like
they have the upper hand in a subtle way.
Responding to his instagram story is something you can do out of the blue and it’s still
casual because it’s just something you happened to stumble across.
Keep it light
Don’t scare him off with heavy topics and your deepest thoughts right away.
The goal here is just to get the ball rolling and let him know you exist.
Let him lead the conversation if at all possible but be fun and engaged by responding to his
messages at the same rate he responds to yours and by staying positive.
If you’re looking to up your texting game, go to coachnorth.com/texting There you’ll
find a free presentation about my new Text Chemistry system that takes all the knowledge
I’ve collected about the right and wrong ways to text guys to get the results you want.
Plus I’ve included some foolproof texts that are guaranteed to get a response.
All you have to do is copy and paste!
That’s coachnorth.com/texting
Don’t be thirsty
The act of messaging a guy out of the blue is already a risky move as it goes against
the conventional wisdom that men make the first move.
I think it’s great when women can go out there and get what they want and many guys
feel the same way.
That said, don’t push your luck by being too complimentary or flirty right off the
bat.
The fact that you’re messaging him shows him you’re interested.
In fact you could probably message him “You are a smelly loser” and he’d be thinking
that you want him so keep that in mind and don’t tell him how hot you think he is just
yet.
Perfect your profile
Perfect might be out of reach but one of the first things a guy is going to do when he
gets a message from a random girl is go right to her profile and try to figure out who the
hell she is.
With that in mind, go to your profile now whether it’s instagram, facebook, twitter
or whatever.
Are there good photos of you?
Is your bio up to date and reflective of the kind of person you are?
Does your profile leave a good impression on first glance?
Do you seem fun and approachable?
Does your username have 69 in it?
Delete terrible photos of you or untag yourself.
Put together a good public face because it doesn’t matter how good you look in real
life right now.
Your online persona is what he’s responding to.
Should you ask him out or not?
If you feel like the interaction went well and you want to ask him out for coffee, then
by all means, go for it.
If you’re not sure then it’s okay to simply let the conversation naturally wrap up.
The important thing here is that you made the first move.
He’ll know the door is open to future conversations and if he’s interested, he’s going to
reach out.
There you have it!
My top tips for sliding into the DMs.
What are some lines that have worked for you or on you?
Leave them in the comments below!
Thanks for watching!