Hey, this is Mat Boggs and today we’re going to answer a question that was sent in by Leonor
Olbera.
So Leonor, great question.
Thank you for submitting this.
And Leonor writes, “Matt, do you have an episode on how to survive & keeping LDR’s
‘alive?’”
Well, Leonor, I do because I am the king of long distance relationships, or at least I
was before I got married.
It seemed like every relationship I had was a long distance relationship.
That was actually part of my pattern.
I think it was actually part of me not really wanted to be totally vulnerable and risk getting
in a relationship so it was one of the strategies I used to kind of keep love away was being
in long distance relationships.
So if you notice that there’s a pattern of that, it’s something to look at.
Is there any resistance to real intimacy, real intimate, deep relationships?
And there’s lots of scenarios where long distance relationships happen because one
of you is in the military or one of you goes to school or gets transferred with a job and
it ends up separating you.
So the question is then how do you keep that relationship alive?
Well, I’m going to give you three tips and these really worked for me.
I hope it works for you as well.
So here’s the first strategy.
Number one is to have a progression plan.
See, as human beings, we do much better when we know that we’re moving in a particular
direction towards a goal or towards something that we want.
If we feel like things are stagnant or if they’re not progressing, or worse yet, if
they’re decaying or dying, that’s when the stress gets much bigger, that’s when
we start to get overwhelmed, that’s when we start to really feel like we’re disconnected.
So what’s a progression plan in a relationship?
A progression plan is what’s the plan for you to be together again?
Or at least what’s the plan for you to have a plan?
By when will you know?
By when will you have more information about when you can be together again?
Getting to those benchmarks, giving yourself a goal to say, “Okay, I’m going to sustain
the relationship over thousands or miles,” or at least long distance, whatever that looks
like for you, when you have a progression plan, that’s going to use how you’re wired
up actually as a human being to give you energy, creativity, insight, motivation, and momentum
to then create that relationship, make it stronger until you get to that next moment
when you’re able to finally be together.
Strategy number two is to have consistent connection.
Now, that’s much easier to do today than it was 10 years ago with all of our apps and
you can have Skype on your phone, you can Facetime.
You know, I travel for work sometimes and one of my favorite things to do is Facetime
with my wife and my daughter and it’s way better as far as establishing connection than
what we had 10 years ago just even talking with a phone.
So if you can do Facetime, if you have that ability to communicate, not just over the
phone, but face to face, it’s going to really engage the connection.
And also, several times throughout the day, have text messages going on throughout the
day and connect.
And then the last example of consistent connection is to honor the relationship the same way
you would if you were living in the same house, in the same town, by having consistent date
nights.
So one of the things that my wife, when we were just dating, what we would do is we would
have date nights.
So Friday night would come and our date night was we’re going to watch a movie together.
So we’d decide on what movie was wanted to watch and we would go and rent the movie
– this was in the old days.
You had to go and rent the movie.
We would go to the store, we’d rent the movie, we’d bring it back, we’d put it
into the player, we’d each pop our popcorn, have our drink, and I’d be at home on my
couch, she would be at home on her couch, you know, I’d have a little headset on and
the phone or whatever and we would say, “Okay, press Play.
Ready, set, go!” and we’d both press Play at the same time and we would literally watch
the movie over the phone together.
So she’d be watching the movie, I’d be watching the movie and then we’d comment
about the movie and kind of laugh together and hear each other together while we were
watching the movie.
Even though we were thousands of miles apart, it was a great way that helps us connect.
So build in things like that for you.
What is it that you and your special person can do together to help create that connection
not only on a weekly basis for a date night, but also on a daily basis as well?
Strategy number three is to delight and surprise each other.
Do the unexpected.
This really helps when you know your partner’s love language.
What matters to them most?
Is it words of affirmation or is it quality time together or is it gifts?
And put together care packages and send it their way if it’s gifts.
Surprise them, show up if it’s quality time.
Once of the great moves that I did in my relationship is it was Valentine’s Day and I told my
girlfriend (my wife now), I said, “Hey, let’s do a special Valentine’s Day date
night where we’re going to watch a romantic movie except we’re going to do it different.
I want you to dress up as if I’m taking you out to a Valentine’s Day dinner and
I’m going to dress up as if I were taking you out and I know we’re just going to be
at home but it’s a way that we can make it a little bit more special.”
So I was setting this up on Monday and like Valentine’s Day was on a Friday.
And so as we got closer to Friday, I said, “Hey, look, I’ve got meetings all day
on Friday so I won’t actually be able to talk to you until like right before our date
night.
It starts at 7:00, so like 6:30 I’ll call you.”
She said, “Okay, no problem.”
Well, little did she know I actually got all dressed up, I got on a plane, I flew to her
hometown, rented a car, drive, and at 6:30, I called her on the phone from outside of
her house and I said, “Hey, babe, are you ready for our date night?”
She said, “Yeah.”
I said, “Are you all dressed up like you promised you’d be?”
She goes, “Yeah, I’m all dressed up.”
I said, “So am I.” And then I rang the doorbell and she said, “Hang on.
Someone’s at my door.
I’ll be right back.”
And she came to the door and answered the door and it was me!
And I’m like, “Surprise!”
And she’s like, “Oh my gosh,” and she starts crying.
She’s like, “No way.”
And sure enough, her hair was done, her makeup was done, the dress was like bam.
She was looking great and I got to take her out on an amazing Valentine’s Day night
and the great thing is we had already had this way of connecting on Friday nights and
here was a way that I got to delight and surprise her, really show her how much she meant to
me and deepen our relationship.
So those are the three strategies that you can use as well: a progression plan, know
what you’re building towards and then that will give you motivation when it gets tough
to fight through those times when you’re super lonely or things aren’t going great.
Number two: consistent connection.
And number three: delight and surprise one another.
When you use those, you’ll help foster the love and the care between you two and together,
you guys are going to be strong enough to make it through, be together again and have
your amazing relationship.
So I hope this serves you.
If it does, please share it with someone that you know is in this situation so it can inspire
them and motivate them to keep going.
And I would love to hear from you.
If you’ve ever had a long distance relationship, what has worked for you?
Go ahead and post a comment below.
I love reading your comments.
Share what’s worked for you as well.
And lastly, if you’re not subscribed to this channel, make sure you get subscribed
so you’ll be the first to get the latest and greatest videos that come out each and
every week.
And to support you in attracting the relationship that you want, I posted a resource for you.
There is a link in the video and in the description.
Go ahead and click that link.
It will help you understand the hearts and minds of men and attract the relationship
that you want.
Thanks so much for watching.
I’ll see you soon.