You got dumped but, for you, it’s not over.
You want your ex back and you’re doing everything in your power to make them change their mind.
I admire your drive, but you’re going about it all wrong.
The truth is, if you really want your ex back, what you need to do is stop chasing them completely.
Hi, I’m Brad Browning, author of The Ex Factor Guide.
As a lifelong breakup coach, I’ve helped thousands of people like you get a second
chance with their ex.
Oftentimes this second chance turns into a long lasting relationship, marriage, and even
more, but let’s take this one step at a time.
First, I’d appreciate it if you’d like this video and then subscribe to my channel.
So let’s talk about WHY you’re chasing after your ex.
I’m sure that right now you feel lost and alone.
You just want the pain to be over and you think that the best way to make that happen
is to reconnect with your ex, figure out what went wrong, and reconcile.
You think the more time that goes by, the less chance you have with them.
That’s what’s driving you to do some pretty crazy things like calling them repeatedly,
blowing up their phone with texts and maybe even showing up to surprise them.
I’m here to tell you that you’ve already made some serious mistakes here, based on
bad assumptions, and if you don’t pull back right now, you just might lose your ex FOREVER.
First off, let’s talk about your first assumption: that the best way for you to feel better right
now is to win back your ex.
I think that this is actually dead wrong.
I’m not saying this shouldn’t be your goal in the long term.
I think there are plenty of relationships that can be rebuilt stronger than ever and
lead to many years of happiness for both parties.
But, in this moment, trying to reconcile with your ex is only going to cause you MORE pain
and heartbreak.
And, in reality, removing your bad feelings is not a good reason to get back together
with your ex and if you go into it with this mindset, you’re going to end up right back
where you started whether it’s in another few days or weeks.
Right now, what you need, and what your ex needs, is time and space.
Whatever went down between you two was significant enough to cause them to dump you and you both
need to sit with the implications of that and process what went wrong.
I know it’s painful, but unless you get to the root of what really went wrong in the
relationship, you’ll never reach the path forward with your ex.
This time apart is not only for your own mental well being, it’s necessary to make your
ex realize that they made a mistake, and it's essential to getting that second chance.
And remember that this time apart is not forever, though it may feel that way.
I’m a big proponent of the No Contact Method.
That’s where you spend 30 days after the breakup, completely cut off from your ex.
No phone calls, no text messages, no in person meetups.
Nothing.
You don’t need to ignore them completely but don’t get dragged into a conversation
and don’t let them use you as a shoulder to cry on in hopes that it will lead to something
more.
It won’t.
For more info about No Contact, check the description below, I’ll include some links
to other videos.
But essentially it works by giving the two of you time apart.
This time apart has a few functions.
First, it allows you to process the negative feelings that are associated with the breakup.
I’m sure if you two met up right now it could easily turn into a shouting match where
you’d say things that you regret, and drive the wedge even deeper.
After thirty days, some of the negativity that you’ve been stuck in will fade from
your ex’s mind and he or she will be much more open to talking to you in a calm, constructive
manner.
Second, it makes your ex worry about losing you.
This time apart will hammer home the idea that they really WILL have to live without
you.
If you’re always showing up and reaching out to you, they won’t have time to miss
you or really notice your absence.
In order to maximize this feeling of loss, try to spend some time dating new people.
I know, dating other people is the furthest thing from your mind right now, but it really
can help you in the long run.
It will give you an added confidence boost, seeing that you do have other options, and
it will make your ex jealous and upset which will help your chances BIG TIME.
I know, it’s hard to actively make choices that will hurt your ex.
After all, you care about this person.
But this is the kind of wakeup call that will make the difference between staying single
and reconnecting with your ex for good.
And essentially, since they broke up with you, you’re giving them exactly what they
asked for.
They can’t begrudge you moving on after being dumped.
Third, No Contact allows you time to work on yourself.
Self improvement is the best way to spend your No Contact period.
Because, without your ex, you’re going to have more time on your hands.
You can either spend that time wallowing in sadness, and end up ten pounds heavier, full
of regret, and cut off from the world--or you can spend it making small but meaningful
changes in your life that will not only make you feel better, but will show your ex that
you’re someone who is working towards goals and making the most of their life.
This will create a powerful contrast to the puddle of tears they left you in when they
decided to end things 30 days ago.
And, whatever happens next, this will have been time well spent because it will show
you that you don’t need them to be happy after all.
If you can understand this, you’ll realize your value and when the time comes to reconnect,
you’ll be way more confident and in control.
And finally, A No Contact period subverts your ex’s expectations.
Instead of chasing after them like they expect you to, you’re taking the initiative to
move on with your life, improve yourself and disconnect from them completely.
This sends a powerful message that they’re not the “winner” and you’re not the
“loser.”
They won’t have you begging for forgiveness or trying to change their mind.
They’ll have to live with their decision and watch as you live your best life, without
them.
So if you can’t contact your ex, how are you supposed to know your chances with them?
You’re in luck.
Head on over to BreakupBrad.com/Quiz right now to take my free ex back quiz.
It just takes a few minutes, it’s totally confidential, and it gives you a personalized
report that lays out exactly how likely it is that you can have a second chance with
your ex.
I created this quiz for my clients, to tailor a strategy to their particular situation,
but now I’m making it available to the world.
That’s BreakupBrad.com/Quiz
Let’s talk about the question I’m always asked about No Contact: What if they forget
about me?
What if this time apart causes them to realize that they made the right choice and allows
them to move on?
In my experience, it’s extremely rare that your ex will “forget” about you in 30
days.
In fact, it’s around the thirty day mark that they will begin to miss you more than
ever because that’s when it dawns on them that they may really have lost you forever.
Coinciding with that, it takes about 30 days for their negative feelings surrounding the
breakup to fade away so that when you do contact them, they’ll be much more open to talking
with you.
And while this time apart will allow them to process the breakup, this is actually a
good thing.
It’s not going to mean that they’re going to suddenly realize how much they DIDN’T
like you.
It’s almost always the opposite.
When someone handles a breakup gracefully, it makes the dumper go, “Wow, they’re
handling this so well.
Maybe I was wrong about them.
Maybe I made a mistake.”
And letting them really sit with that feeling will be KEY to winning their heart again.
So we’ve talked about why No Contact works.
Now let’s talk about why chasing your ex doesn’t work.
This applies to chasing your ex IN ANY WAY, whether you’re demanding an explanation,
begging them to take you back, or just staying present in their life in hopes that they’ll
realize the mistake they made.
It’s all bad news and here’s why:
Chasing your ex sends them the wrong message.
I know that the message you’re trying to send is this: I want you back, I think we
can make this work if we give it another try, and I’m the perfect person for you.
But the message you’re actually sending is quite different.
By chasing after your ex AFTER being dumped you’re telling them that you lack confidence
in your own desirability.
That THEY’RE the desirable one and that you’re LOST without them.
Think about it this way.
Have you ever turned someone down romantically?
And has that person ever stuck around, refusing to take no for an answer, pathetically trying
to get your attention and make you change your mind?
This never works because it only makes you feel more desirable and it makes them look
more desperate and low status.
That’s exactly what you’re doing to your ex right now.
And by chasing your ex you’re also telling them that you don’t respect their feelings
or their boundaries.
Breaking up with someone is never easy.
It took a lot of reflection for them to come to this decision and it required a lot of
courage for them to go through with it.
Because, at the end of the day, they do still care about you a lot.
They even still love you on some level.
So for them to dump you and for you to refuse to accept that decision and keep on hanging
around, trying to change their mind, sends the message that you think YOUR wants and
needs outweigh theirs.
And if you don’t respect their decision, it’s pretty easy to see that you don’t
respect them as an individual who has made a choice.
This isn’t romantic or charming, it’s hurtful and it WILL hurt their opinion of
you.
Not only that, but chasing your ex actually has the effect of strengthening their resolve.
The more you reach out to them and try to get their attention at this point, the more
they’ll pull away.
This is just human psychology.
They’re trying to protect themselves because they know that they do love and care about
you so if they let their guard down, you just might be able to change their mind.
Knowing this, every move you make in their direction, they’re going to put up boundaries
and walls to try to keep you away.
If you break through these barriers, by stalking them, showing up to their work, or otherwise
pestering them, you’re only going to make them feel scared and unsafe, which is NOT
what you’re going for.
So at the end of the day, if you want your ex back, you need to STOP chasing them right
now.
I know it may be difficult.
It may feel like you’re going against every fiber of your being, but you need to trust
me that No Contact is the best way forward.
As a breakup coach I’ve helped THOUSANDS of people around the world get the second
chance that you’re looking for, and it’s always through careful planning, restraint,
and subtlety.
It’s never through sending them 400 texts at 3 am.
Well, that just about does it for this video.
Thanks for watching all the way to the end and I wish you all the best with your ex moving
forward.
If you found any of that helpful, don’t forget to like this video and subscribe to
my channel.
I recently passed 500 thousand subscribers which I never thought would be possible here
on youtube, so thank you for that.
I’m actually on instagram now as well.
My handle is @breakupbradbrowning if you want to check me out.
Bye for now and I’ll see you in my next video.