- Online shopping is putting brick-and-mortar stores
out of business, and if that happens,
you won't be able to make small talk
with cashiers who clearly don't wanna be there anyway!
That would be terrible.
- I was just lying on the couch watching TV
while mindlessly scrolling through my phone,
and I spent 500 bucks on stuff
I didn't even know existed earlier today.
Thanks, Instagram ads.
- I'm always comparing the prices online,
finding all the coupons, and using the cash back apps.
It takes a lot of time and effort,
but it's worth saving, on average, $3.
Hey, if you invest that $3 into the stock market,
in 30 years, you'll have, like, $10.
- Ah, yes, shopping on the Internet.
It really helps me get stuff done fast and stay organized.
My Christmas shopping has been done for months now,
and everything is already wrapped.
And I'm talking about next Christmas.
- These are all the technical specifications
and relevant literature that I will have to read
in order to make an informed decision
on which make and model I will purchase.
Some might say this is going overboard
just to buy some underwear,
but I'm only doing my due diligence.
- I just got an email about a limited time sale! Wow.
I don't really need a nine-pound spiral-sliced ham
for $100, but it used to be $140.
It would be irresponsible for me to pass up these savings.
- Sure, it's convenient to shop online,
but it can't compete with the adrenaline rush
of a last-minute dash through Target
right before it closes on Christmas Eve.
Bro, it's not even close.
- What's great about shopping online is finding,
like, the weirdest novelty gifts.
This year, I'm getting my Aunt Hilda
a peeing boy statue whiskey dispenser,
which is really gonna shock and offend her.
It really is better to give than to receive.
- I just did all my Christmas shopping on my phone. Wow.
Doesn't even feel like you're spending real money
when you do it this way.
- You've gotta go into it with a plan
or you'll waste a lot of time and money.
That's why I developed
my effective online shopping online course,
giving you access to all of my expert insights
for a special limited time discount of $99.
- "Spend another $35 for free shipping"?
(laughs) I love a challenge!
- Oh, sure, I'm gonna shop online.
Let me just give out my name, address,
and credit card info on the Web.
It's just begging for hackers to steal my identity.
Ugh, but I don't wanna leave the house,
so here you go, hackers, have fun.
- I'm chatting with a customer service agent
named Timmy right now.
The package is, like, a day late,
so I'm harassing him until he gives me a partial refund.
(chuckles) I live for this (beep).
- Oh, wow, these socks I'm looking at
have an average rating of 4.9 stars.
Let's see. Five-star review: "These socks are amazing."
Five-star review: "I love these socks."
Oh, wait a second.
A one-star review.
"These socks are terrible and have ruined my life."
Well, clearly this single one-star review
amongst the multitude of five-star reviews
is the one I should trust.
- I love searching for just the right thing to buy
and waiting until it feels like just the right moment
to click purchase and the thrill and excitement
of waiting for the package, and then it finally arrives,
and it's like...
Okay...
Cool...
My life is entirely empty and devoid of meaning.
- "Online" shopping?
As opposed to what?
In-person shopping?
That's a thing?!
I've never done that before.
Sounds primitive!
- Yo, check out these cool designs
you could be wearing on your own body.
Tap the icon on the screen or go to the link in the description.
You could be drinkin' out of cups!
And repping your favorite YouTube channel,
which is this one!
(fun music)
'Til next time, stay cool and attractive!