Hey there!
So as you can tell from the title of this video, today I'm gonna be talking about something
that's very personal to me which is my sexuality.
And the reason I'm talking about this is because I've been hinting at it a lot on Tumblr, and
I've been seeing people that identify with me and commenting and asking me things, and
it's been really relieving to know that there are other people out there like me, so if
you're watching this and you happen to identify with me, just know that there's nothing wrong
with you.
You're completely normal, and you're not alone.
That's the goal of this.
So I think the easiest way to jump into this is to just go into a story.
So I remember when I was in 5th grade.
My friend Michael came up to me and he was like "Hey Evan!
Do you know Gina?"
And I was like "Gina from Mrs. Reeves class!
Yes I do!"
And he was like "I got a big crush on her" And I was like "Oh okay!
That's pretty cool."
And then he was like "So who's your crush, Evan?"
To which I responded "I don't have any crushes.
I just...
don't have any crushes."
And Mike was like "Dude.
Dude I just told you who I had a crush on and you're not gonna like tell me?!"
So Mike and I didn't really talk much after that.
There was a weird trust thing obviously there.
But the thing is, I genuinely didn't have a crush on anyone, and that's the first instance
in my life I recall where I felt like I didn't fit in.
Like everyone I knew was getting in relationships or gossiping about some hot celebrity, and
I was sitting over there like, "I mean I guess I can see how they're objectively attractive;
can't we get back to math class?"
So, that's how I was.
And I figured maybe, ya know, I just haven't hit puberty yet, and I'm gonna learn.
And of course in 5th grade we did get the "puberty talk" which was our sex ed in America
which was "Here's a penis.
Here's some hair.
Put'em together; that's you next year!
Also your voice'll crack."
So congratulations American health system; I really learned quite a lot about my body
However, it wasn't 4 years later until we had the actual sex talk which wasn't really
that good either because all I learned was "Here's the miracle of life.
Straight people havin' sex making straight babies."
I didn't learn anything about any other types of sexualities or anything.
So thanks for that.
Of course, yes.
Why didn't your parents teach you?
I was risen in a very Christian environment so sex was definitely not on the dinner table
conversation, you know what I'm saying?
So therefore I was kinda just living day by day going "Why am I not attracted to anyone;
this is kind of weird."
I didn't really think about it too much cause I was so focused on my studies.
However, when I did hit 10th grade that's when I was like WHOAH!
Alyssa!
Whoo!
Women!
Hot!
I can totally!
It was like a nice awakening for me where I realised that I liked girls.
Congratulations Evan, you're heterosexual; is that really what this is about?
Not really.
However, that's when I hit puberty.
I was a bit late, so I started to find an attraction to people, but it wasn't until
I was graduating high school...
I was about 18 years old till I got my first relationship.
We were together for a year and a half and we never did the do.
No sex.
We just didn't want to.
And a lot of people don't believe that, but the thing is as much as I loved her, and as
much as I was into her, and we made out and hung out all the time, and I really cared
about her, sex just wasn't something that I cared about.
I wasn't driven towards that.
Which makes ya know, party conversations a bit awkward because any party I go to nowadays
is like
Never have I ever: screwed a girl in a golf course.
I'm gonna go that way.
I'm just not interested in it.
It's totally cool for everyone else to be interested in it because that could be their
own sexualities.
But for mine, I really don't identify that way.
However, it wasn't until maybe about last year sometime when I was telling this story
to a friend, and she said,
"ya know, Evan, it sounds a bit like you're demisexual."
And I was like "What the heck is demisexual?
How many types of sexualities are there?"
Well!
There's a lot!
There is literally an infinite number of numbers (real numbers) in between 0 and 1.
It's the same type of thing between heterosexuality and homosexuality and between sexuality and
asexuality.
So that's where I kinda started to research into it and found out there is a thing such
as demisexuality.
However, something you should know is that I don't 100% identify with this because I
don't really like labels.
So if I said "Hi, I'm a demisexual."
You might say "That means that you're this and this and this..."
Not true.
Not necessarily.
And if you're like "what's this, Evan?"
To tell you the truth, I'm still pretty new to it, but demisexualism is when for instance,
I can develop romantic feelings for people, but I don't develop sexual feelings towards
anyone until a deep companionship is formed, and even then, that's just a prerequisite.
It doesn't mean I'm just gonna be like Oh!
We're friends!
Let's bang!
That's not how it is.
I can't help it either.
Like a lot of people will say "Oh, well isn't that just called having standards?"
No, that would be if I was choosing that.
I do not choose to have a sexual feeling for someone; it just happens.
You all understand that as well.
But for mine of course, I have to be very good friends with someone and know them so
strongly on an emotional level before then my body starts to go "ya know what?
We should do the do."
Now there's a problem with this though.
It's probably a reason why I've been single for 6 years.
Which is that, it's the opposite way that most people work.
Because this happened actually a couple weeks ago:
One of my friends, I was like "ya know she's pretty attractive, pretty smart, pretty funny..."
I'm just gonna ask her to see if ya know, would you ever consider dating me?
Now her response was "oooo Evan, do you really wanna risk ruining this friendship?"
Which unintentionally was probably the most heartbreaking thing she could've said to me
because that's just how I am.
I don't really develop strong feelings for anyone unless I'm friends with them whereas
most people, once you're friends with someone, you don't develop those feelings because you
know, you're friends.
You're not in a relationship.
So it really sucks in a way to be the way I am.
But I'm kinda happy?
Like now that I know that I'm not alone.
There's so many other demisexuals out there, there's other people on the asexuality scale
that don't have any sexual drive at all.
I do have a sexual drive, it's just very low, and it's not on the top of my mind at all
times.
Most times I'm doing other things.
That's why I focused so much on my studies when I was in America.
And now I'm doing YouTube, and I've got a job.
Sex just doesn't drive me as much as it drives other people.
But that doesn't mean that other people are wrong and I'm right or that I'm wrong and
other people are right.
We all just have different sexualities.
So I'm hoping, some of you out there identify with me or if you're out there and you have
some similar type of thing, I'd love to hear about it because honestly, I was living the
first 23 years of my life confused and wondering why I didn't have the normal feelings that
everyone in movies does.
So if you do identify, please I wanna talk to you, I wanna like...
Open your eyes!
It's really great!
I'm really happy that I'm able to talk about this.
But anyway, thank you so much.
I'm glad that you took the time to watch this.
I know it was a bit personal, but I hope that I was able to help at least 1 or 2 people.
So yeah, I guess I will see you guys next week.
Thank you so much for watching.
Good bye.
*cue the catchy whistling outro tune* *swish*