Okay. I'm going to operate the heater controls.
Now, Land Rover heaters are not their best feature, if I'm honest.
That's on full.
I can't feel it at all.
In the leaning tower of Citroen, I was starting to relax a bit.
She was VERY pretty.
She just liked it. She wouldn't like to go in Hammond's, 'cause that's stupid.
Jeremy, can I just say, this is the biggest entertainment
I've had on a road journey in my whole life.
It's absolutely hilarious.
It wasn't hilarious, though.
And since Hammond's Cottage was now suffering from subsidence,
we pulled in for some bodging.
-Hammond... -Yeah?
-We've done 20 miles. -Oh, yeah, I know.
We'll have to stop nine times to rebuild your shed before we get there.
In a matter of moments, I'd mended the Citroen's attachment.
The problem was, the air was hitting this massive slab here,
forcing the whole car back and lifting the front wheels off the ground.
So, I've taken out this window. The air will now go in there.
And then I've removed the rear door, so, it can come out here.
Twenty.
Thirty.
Oh, yeah. That's just massively improved it.
No, it's made no difference.
Make it stop!
Right, we've done about 30 miles.
One hundred and eighty something to go.
Amazingly, the convoy did keep going
until eventually, we pulled in for a fuel stop.
Okay. Now, this is a bit of a faff.
-Hammond. -Yes.
-I may have made a mistake. -Where?
Well, I added this escape chute so that I can go from my aeroplane fuselage
into the back seat of the car, which is here. It's very good.
But I've covered up the filler flap.
-Oh, my God! Jeremy, no, no, no! -No.
-What? -Seriously, you're going to hit it.
-Yeah, that's quite close. -Yeah, but unlike your two cars...
Ready?
Oh, yes.
Yes!
Soon, refuelling was under way.
Here we go.
Go away.
That's an all-new...
I've never seen a lockable fuel filler cap where you need to saw it.
It's very secure.
Refuelling over, we headed on our way.
And several perilous miles later...
we finally reached Cornwall.
Polzeath. That's where we're going. Oh!
I've got all the excitement you get as a kid on a family holiday,
winding round little roads... the odd glimpse of the sea.
Been on the go now pretty much seven hours.
Could have flown to New York in that time.
But no, here, drizzle, cold, frightened...
And all I have to look forward to is camping with a...
a lunatic and a retard.
But then...
Oh, no!
Got a warning light.
Guys, I've got a warning light on the dashboard. Says "stop".
As you'd expect, the happy campers chose to ignore my distress signal.
Oh, yeah. That looks a suitable holiday destination.
I think so.
Holy moly!
What manner of terrible thing has happened under my bonnet?
It's actually had diarrhoea, is what's happened here.
At the campsite, I settled down to watch Hammond's creation take shape.
Yep. Oh, yep.
I'm brave.
-Do you want some help? -No. Don't need it, mate.
A one-man job, this.
Having got the block of flats going again, Jeremy eventually joined us.
This is gripping.
-What are you doing? -Finishing touches.
In Hammond's head, his build was coming along nicely.
But it wasn't.
No.
And an hour later, Jeremy and I were bored.
Is there a pub?
There was, so we went to it, leaving Hammond to carry on building.
I see this as a sort of club room.
Darts... hanging out with your mates.
Oh, yes.
There it is.
Shall we order Hammond something?
I'm thinking of the beer-battered fish, pea puree, tartare sauce and...
"I don't like beer. I don't like batter. I don't like fish."
-He doesn't eat fish. -I know, he doesn't eat fish.
He might eat a free-range egg.
Back at base, the wind was getting up.
That bit's slightly too short.
When we got back from the pub, Hammond was still going.
Is this his motorhome?
-I don't believe it. -That is outrageous.
Come in, dude, come in.
This is the bed. Forms a...
-Yeah, that can happen. -Sorry, sorry...
I'll give you a quick squiz round if you like. This is the library here.
-Thank you. -So, you've got a library.
-Library. This is the dining room. -It goes on.
-Look at that! -Awaiting dining room furniture.
-Bloody Nora. -In here, this... [bleep] Mind that.
-Yeah. -Sorry.
-What's in here? That is huge. -That's a child's bedroom.
-This is my living room. This is lovely. -What's this?
-Look, he's got an ancestral portrait. -Yes, I have. Great Uncle Tall there.
Just a minute, this is Great Uncle Yourself.
With the very lengthy tour over, it was time to get some sleep.
These are my night clothes that I like to wear.
There we go.
Still, could be worse.
Oh, God!