(wedding music)
- SHUT UP!
- Alright, dude, what's going on? You always love your
SpaghettiOs.
- I don't know. I just--
I just feel like I'm missing something,
you know? Do you think I need a
girlfriend?
- No, you need more than that.
- A Fleshlight?
- What? - What?
- No, what you need is a Russian mail-order bride. Check it out.
Svetlana!
Come on, we don't got all day.
Hey, honey, do you think you could give me a back rub?
- (speaking Russian)
- (in frustration) She always does that. LOOK. There.
God.
See, dude? My life is pretty much perfect now.
- (in broken English) Help. Bad man, call police.
- You're right. I should go get one. Thanks, man!
- Have fun.
Alright, time for my leg waxing! I want this jungle of hair to be gone.
(gunshot) Aw, man!
(beep-beep)
- Siri, find me a Russian mail order bride.
- Did you mean Mail Order Bride, or Male Order Bride?
- Uhhh, MAIL order bride.
- Okay. Finding Russian Male Order Bride.
- Thanks, Siri!
(dramatic music)
- I'm sorry, I do not understand what you mean by "Why is my poop green?"
(doorbell rings) - Mail order bride day, Siri!
- Ouch, that hurt, bitch!
(steamy music)
- (in broken English) Happy wedding day, my American love!
- What the hell?
- I am mail order bride Vladimir.
- No, I- No, This is not what I asked for.
- Too bad, I come in!
- Mom, I'll take out the trash later! Hold on, I'm getting another call.
Hey dude, what's up?
- Dude, Anthony. My Russian mail order bride is a... man.
- You spelled "Mail" wrong, didn't you?
- I bring you pot pie chicken!
- DAMMIT VLADIMIR, I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID FOOD!
Hurry up, Anthony. He's cooking me food and cleaning things and it's really starting to piss me off!
- Alright, I'll be right over.
- HEY, STOP THAT!
- You like pedophile?
(doorbell rings)
- Alright, dude. So here's what you gotta do if you wanna get r-
- Wha-, who's this?
-My new mail order bride.
- So you got a new one?
- Yeah. I gone through several.
- Then what happened to the others?
- They died.
(screaming)
So anyway, if you wanna get rid of the Russian male order bride out there, you just have to challenge him to a Poovi Dipev.
- What?
- It's Russian for Talent Show, idiot.
You see, they have to accept all challenges of Poovi Dipev.
- Sounds legit.
- YOU STAY!
- Alright, Vladimir, I challenge you to Poopy Diaper.
- He means Poovi Dipev.
- Uh.... yeah.
- Anyway. If we win, you have to go back to your stupid Russia place.
- I accept. Prepare to be lose!
- God, his grammar sucks d*ck.
- Привет. Hello. Today I sing Capitalist Pig American National Anthem.
♪ Oh, hey can it be, ♪
♪ I like dogs and like bride. ♪
♪ And my uncle Mikael ♪
♪ said Twilight is good book. ♪
♪ Aaaand laaaand oooof shiiiip ♪
♪ and the (unintelligible, high-pitched) ♪
YOU GO NOW. YOU'RE GOING TO BE LOSE.
- You ready for this?
- Let's do it!
(dance pop music)
- I cannot be lose. I CANNOT BE LOSE!
They cannot send me back to Mother Russia.
(gunshots fired, guys screaming)
(laughing evilly)
- HAH! You just shot our stunt doubles!
(dramatic chords, flies buzzing)
- I cannot believe I am lose.
- OK, Vladimir, I'll let you stay... (creepy voice) on one condition!
(laughing evilly again)
- I love America!
- I love being married!
- I love peeing in water balloons!
- What? - What?
- WHAT?!
- To see an alternate ending
and bloopers, click
the link in the description
below!
- Kill shot right
here. (gunshot)
- Thank you for the
subscribings! I like it
very much!