- [Host] What happens to a comedian
when you take away their audience?
This is a show where comedian's perform in an empty theater
while the audience watches from the rooftop.
(audience laughing)
So the comedians have no idea
how the audience is reacting.
- Welcome to seven minutes in purgatory.
(upbeat music)
- Alright guys, I'm gong for it.
- [Woman] Get it man, do it.
- Have any advice, anything you want me to try out there?
- Do whatever your body feels.
- Do what feels right, let's do it.
- Yeah, if it feels good, it's good.
- Yep.
- Oh, he's gonna have a horrible time.
- None of it feels right, it all feels really wrong.
- The whole thing is nasty right.
- Alright, woah!
I am very excited for our next performer.
You have seen him on Comedy Central's Key and Peele
and NBC's Superstore.
Please put your hands together for Colton Dunn.
(audience applauding)
- Yeah!
How you feeling Colton?
- Oh, I'm feeling great, man.
This is gonna be great.
(audience laughing)
- It's gonna be fun to be in theater
where there's nobody but just me.
Making my jokes.
- Yeah! Give it up for Colton.
Head on down, man.
See you soon.
Meanwhile, his fellow comedians
will be watching from the green room.
- Really inspirational.
- Colton Dunn, coming down the theater steps.
Getting ready to perform to 1,000 empty seats.
Having no idea how you guys are responding.
I love this guy's positivity.
Looks like he's going to a birthday party.
- Woo!
(laughing)
- Colton Dunn.
- Woo!
Yeah!
Woo!
Woo, woo, woo, woo, woo, woo.
Yeah!
Yeah! Keep it goin'!
(audience applauding)
Thank you.
(laughing)
No, stop.
Thank you.
Oh man, it is so so good to be here, you guys.
It is so good to be here.
I'm Colton.
It's wonderful.
Wonderful to meet all of you.
Now I perform under the name Colton Dunn,
but my full name is Colton Thomas Dunn McHenry.
I like that name,
but I don't know if it really describes me.
I'm a six foot tall, mixed race guy.
Colton Thomas Dunn McHenry doesn't sounds like that.
Colton Thomas Dunn McHenry
sounds like a failed railroad tycoon
from a Ken Burns documentary.
(audience laughing)
Colton Thomas Dunn McHenry
wanted to build a railroad to the moon.
(audience laughing)
He failed.
He died.
(laughing)
But, I love my name.
I try to be positive
and be happy about who I am.
I'm mixed race.
Some people call us mulattoes.
I don't like the word mulatto,
I don't think it sounds horrible though.
I think it could be kinda cool.
I feel like it kinda sounds like a foreign sports car.
Like a 2017 Ferrari Mulatto.
(audience laughing)
Zero to 60 in two seconds.
Still a few minutes late.
(audience laughing)
That was a little racist.
(laughing)
Yeah, yeah, life's good.
I'm glad they got the set all set up for me
cause I do like rock n' roll comedy.
That's kinda my thing,
I'm like a rock n' roll comedian.
That's how people know me.
When they see Colton,
he's the rock n' roll comic.
So, I'm glad I got my set with me.
(laughing)
I watched a
Muppet Babies the other day.
(audience laughing)
When was the last time you guys watched Muppet Babies?
(audience clapping)
Muppet Babies is supposed to be a comedy cartoon.
But I was watching it and I realized that Muppet Babies
is about an orphanage
where a bunch of freaks
and they never get adopted.
(audience laughing)
Muppet Babies is a tragedy.
It's a sad story.
(audience laughing)
About little monsters.
(audience laughing)
So I'm mixed race.
I talked about that earlier.
One of the fun games to play when you're mixed race
is when you fill out a form that asks you
for your ethnicity.
My favorite thing to do is to check another box
that they have on there that just says other.
And then they leave you a little space
where you can write in what the other is,
but I don't do that.
Just to creep the person out.
They just get a piece of paper and it's like other.
What's a other?
That's why I got so excited when Nicole Kidman
came out with a movie called The Others.
I thought I was going to be about Nicole Kidman
hanging out with some biracial people.
(audience laughing)
It was not.
It was not that movie.
(audience laughing)
It was ghosts.
(audience laughing)
Speaking of ghosts,
I watched a marathon of Ghost Hunters.
Give it up for Ghost Hunters!
(audience clapping)
Here's my problem, man.
Ghost Hunters has been on for like 13 seasons.
And spoiler alert, they have not caught any ghosts.
(audience laughing)
Not one ghost, 13 seasons.
They have caught no ghosts.
(audience laughing)
That's a wrap on ghosts.
Far as I'm concerned.
If I was runnin' the SciFi channel,
there would have been one season of Ghost Hunters.
Then I would have called them into my office
and said, "Hey, we're changing the name of the show
"from Ghost Hunters
"to Job Hunters
"because you're fucking fired."
(audience laughing)
Other thing I want to talk about
that I think is important.
I want to get the news out there.
I know a lot of teenagers watch this.
Do not be a teenage sleuth.
Do not be a teenage crime solver.
Alright, leave law enforcement
to law enforcement.
Cause you know,
the problem with teenage sleuths is
you don't know what somebody is going to do
when you present them with possible jail time.
They might freak out.
Okay,
I mean just think about, you know,
encyclopedia Brown confronting the gym coach
with some evidence about stealing from the food charity.
Gym coach might put a choke hold on encyclopedia Brown.
(audience laughing)
Roll him up in a gym mat.
Bury him in a field.
(audience laughing)
Scooby and the gang
confront Old Man Withers about that haunted amusement park.
You don't know what Old Man Withers is gonna do.
What if he pulls a gun?
Shoots Shaggy.
(audience laughing)
So if you're a teenager, you know about a crime,
just call the cops.
Y'all you gotta be positive, though.
And that's what I try to be.
So every morning when I wake up,
I don't look in the mirror
and see a fat Terrence Howard.
(audience laughing)
I see a skinny Uncle Phil.
(audience laughing)
I'm Colton Dunn.
Have a good night.
(audience clapping)
- Give it up for Colton Dunn!
(audience clapping)
- Well done.
- Thank you.
- That was so good.
- Good work, take a seat, take a seat.
- Oh my goodness.
- Crowd's hot, yo, crowd's hot.
- Hot as hell, right?
They love you.
- They were.
- No we could hear them.
- Appreciate it.
- I'm good.
- I only drink water and milk.
- That's it.
- Oh, man. Cameraman.
What the?
I'm sorry, Mom.