- Hey everybody, happy Monday.
Now, today I wanna talk about something
that I've heard from many of our community members,
one of which I was talking to exactly today
saying that a lot of the most common questions
that she sees in the comments are, how do I help someone?
If someone that I know in love is struggling with depression
or self-injury or eating disorders or whatever,
how do I help them?
And I know I've talked about this before
like on live streams and what it really tells me
is that our community is so great
and everybody wants to help one another,
and I love it so much.
So today, I'm gonna give you some helpful tips
and ways that you can best assist
those in your life who may be struggling.
And my first tip
is just to be a good friend.
Even if it's a family member,
we can still be a friend to them, right?
That means that we need to call them, text them,
send them voice memos.
However you talk to them, do that.
Check in on them.
And these calls and text and however you communicate
doesn't have to be like,
hey, how's recovery going,
or hey, are you taking that medication?
Like, how are you feeling?
It really is just like, hey, how's it going?
How are you feeling?
I'd noticed you've been a little down
and I want you to know I'm here for you.
Because the thing that we need to remember
is that we can't force anybody to do anything.
It's honestly best if we don't try to push
our agenda onto them.
It's better if we just check in.
We care for them,
we meet them where they're at.
We do our best to understand what they're going through
and assist as much as we can,
which kinda rolls into my second tip
which is educate yourself.
If you know a friend or family member's
going through depression, let's say,
find out how that feels for them.
You can educate yourself on the back end
like what is depression?
How is it diagnosed?
I have videos about that if you're curious.
What kind of treatment could they get if they want it?
What could I offer to help them find?
Is it just a therapist?
Should they see a psychiatrist?
Those are all things that we can easily educate ourselves
through YouTube, through Googling, WebMD, whatever,
we can find it, and so I would encourage you to do that.
And then ask them to tell you about it
if they're comfortable.
Like what does it mean to them?
If they're struggling with depression,
how does it feel?
Is it just that you're really tired and lethargic
or you feel irritable and angry?
Or is it just really hard to concentrate at work?
Like how does it manifest for them?
Because like I'm always saying,
everybody's body is different.
Everyone's mental illness affects them differently.
That's why there's a ton of different symptoms
that we kind of, as therapists, check off.
They must meet three of these or five of these
out of like a whole list of 10.
So ask them how it feels to them first
before we just assume,
because we don't want to assume
that everyone's depression is the same.
Like I just mentioned it could just be
I'm really tired and lethargic.
It could be that I'm super, super irritable
and angry at people,
or could it be just concentration difficulties.
We don't know.
If we don't ask, we don't know.
So notice if you're making assumptions
about their situation and instead ask questions
and seek to understand.
And my third tip is
truthfully to assist in anyway that you can.
This means that if we're checking in on them,
tip number one, number two we're educating ourselves,
and let's say that friend or family member says,
you know, I would like to see a therapist
or a psychiatrist or get in to treatment
whatever it may be, we can help them out.
That maybe, helping with a co-pay.
If we're a parent, and this is our child or a friend,
you could just say, hey, I'm happy to help
if you the co-pay is like $30.
I can spot you some if that makes it easier.
Or you can offer to pay for it in full.
You can offer to take them there.
You can offer to help them find someone.
There are a lot of ways
that we can assist in the process of their recovery path.
It's just making sure
that they're already ready for that step,
and we're just going to make it easier
for them to get the help that they need.
And to that end I wanna talk a little bit about 5150s
because a member of our community
just had one of their family members that was 5150ed.
And I just think it's important
that we understand that as family members,
we cannot hold someone against their will.
We can't put someone in the hospital.
Only people that can do that are, you know,
ENTs, therapists,psychiatrist, other doctors,
other health professionals.
Those are the ones that can actually 5150 someone.
And that's really a last resort.
Like if you've heard me talk about it in,
I have a video about that, too.
I'll link it in the description.
But my video about 5150 is I talked about
kind of why they exist
because it is a way to ensure that we are safe,
meaning we're not gonna harm ourselves
and we're not gonna harm someone else.
That's why 5150s actually exist.
However, I know from personal experience
with patients in the hospital,
'cause I used to work where people who came in
on a 5150 would see me first
and I have to assess them and decide
whether we would hold them and see what the doctor
or clinician was telling me.
Do my own assessment and them maybe
send them upstairs to the lock psych ward.
It can keep us safe for a period of time
but by and large I find that it's more harm than good.
Yes, maybe, we were suicidal but it could've helped
if we had a therapist on board already.
And they could have an emergency session with us,
or they could check in on us,
or we had a family member who would stay with us
and help talk us through it.
I know that a lot of people and a lot of clinicians alike
get really scared with the topic of suicide
or someone who's homicidal, wanting to hurt someone else.
But I find that by and large
most people just need to talk about it.
Something's happening and they want someone to listen.
And so that's why those other steps like seeing a therapist,
getting an emergency session, texting with your therapist,
checking in, having a family member or friend help us out.
Like there are all these steps in place.
Even back at the beginning,
I usually do like a safety plan with a patient preemptively.
Then I'll have them sign a no harm contract.
And so there are all these steps that we put in place
leading up to the last resort which is a 5150
because when we put someone on a hold,
it can, when we're forcing them to do something,
and we all know that if we decide
to do something on our own,
for some reason we're so much more excited to do it.
However if someone else pushes and tells us we have to,
we might not like it so much.
And so just keep that in mind
when it comes to helping someone else.
We cannot make those in our lives get better.
And by forcing them to, like,
if that's the only conversations we have,
if we're trying to force them into getting help,
we'll truly just push them farther and farther away.
And I'm sure a lot of you watching this video right now
have been in that situation
where a parent or a friend has just like
hounded you about it and you just kind of
don't talk to them anymore because
you're not at that place yet.
And so keep that in mind when you have a friend
or a family member in your life who's struggling.
Make sure that you hear them out.
Let them decide their treatment.
Obviously, like I said, the 5150s exist to keep us safe.
But there are so many other steps leading up to that
and we have to just support people check in.
And I know that a lot of times we can feel really helpless,
and that's a sucky feeling because
we want them to get better and we want to help.
We know that they're struggling.
Especially if we have a friend who's depressed
and we know that they have suicidal thoughts.
We can worry about them.
But that's why it's important to check in.
And sometimes just offer to pick up
take out and come over and sit with them.
"Let's watch Netflix."
Not making it a big deal, just be in there
because if you remember part of our DVT skills,
one of the things we have to check in on is HALT.
Are we hungry, angry, lonely, tired?
That hunger and loneliness, as a friend
or family member, we can totally help with.
We can cure it for that chunk of time, right?
And so just think of the way as you can help those
that you love gently, kindly,
by just letting them know that you're there.
And most importantly that you care
and support them because we don't wanna push anybody away.
We want everybody to get the help they need
when they need it most.
And I think that applies to all issues,
whether it's self-injury, eating disorders,
depression, anxiety.
I think all of us just need to know that someone's there
thinking about us, they care about us,
and they're ready to help when they can.
But as always I don't have all the answers.
Those are just my thoughts.
I would love to hear yours in the comments
about how someone in your life has successfully
supported and helped you.
Or if you're a friend or family member
of someone struggling,
what did you do that really worked out well
and it really helped them.
I would love for you to share that in the comments
down below and I will see you next time.
Bye.
(calm lounge music)