Hi, I'm Addison. I'm a 16 year old girl who attends
Dixie Holland's High School in St. Petersburg, Florida. I'm a cheerleader, prom queen, and
I'm pregnant.
My family don't know yet. I've been hiding it from them.
You know, at first I thought it was a little icky and maybe even exploitive for a big company
like MTV to be making money by documenting the trauma of unplanned teen pregnancy in low-income
households, which is a failing of our country's sex education and health care, but the producers told
me that I'm gonna get my own Chevron TV show to be played at gas stations everywhere if i do this so
seems fair to me.
[TV sounds]
Oh you rat bastard!
That's my mom, Debbie. She gives the best advice and she's a real classy lady, she
was the hottest girl in the whole school. Like mother like daughter.
Bye mama, I got cheer practice.
Okay. Hey, Addie? Do me a favor pick up some Diet Dr. Thunder on your way home.
Okay.
Hey what's all- what's all these cameras for? Are we on cops?
No no no no no no no uh it's um....
for the yearbook.
Okay.
Well don't show them your cooter. Least not for free.
Bye mama.
[TV sounds]
[hoarse laughter]
My boyfriend Colby is meeting me now so I can tell him I'm pregnant with his baby.
So I always drive my boyfriend Colby home from his football practices. Mostly
on account of his suspended license due to his pending vehicular manslaughter charge...es.
But it's nice to get to spend the ride home together. Oooh! Hi baby!
Hey Addie.
That's my boyfriend, Colby. He's a super senior on the football team and he can shotgun four bang energy drinks in a row.
Whoa what's with the camera? Is this To Catch a Predator or somethin'?
No no no no stop it you silly boy, come here.
Oh I missed you!
Oh I'm your horse ride me ride me!
I want to smack it! Oh you can smack it baby.
Now, coo coo. There's something important I gotta tell you.
Oh god this is To Catch a Predator!
No, Colby!
Colby.
What?
I'm pregnant.
What? How'd you find out?
Well, I knew this was gonna happen. I told you you gotta get on the pill on account of my
condom allergy. My dick'll fall clean off.
Well you know I didn't want to get on the pill because I didn't want to put on weight.
Well you're sure gaining weight now. I mean in a way, this is kind of a relief. I was about to tell you you was looking fat.
I needed to calm down after my talk with Colby. So I decided to hang out with my BFF Michaela.
She's been my best friend since day one on account of them accidentally swapping us at
birth at the hospital. It took both our moms three years to figure it out and swap back.
Oh are you supposed to be drinking coffee? On account of the big ol' goose egg?
Actually you know it's only fish I'm not supposed to eat. And there ain't no fish in an iced vanilla latte.
At least I hope not.
You are such a good mom.
Thank you.
Oh how'd Colby take the news?
Why why why why why why why
Well, I think.
Are you gonna tell your mom?
I mean I think I gotta, you know? Like I'm gonna start showing soon and so she's gonna figure it out so like you know.
But I've been- I have been hiding it super well with my clothes and stuff so I don't think she knows yet.
I think she's gonna be pissed, you know she hates Colby.
I know she hates him and I don't know why. 'Cause like just because he don't got a car or a job
or like you know like he has a few cases tied up in litigation and like he cheated on me with
Kelsey that one time at that party and like he wipes front to back and like I don't know you know.
And, uh, he snorts sugar and tells everybody it's cocaine.
Right like, I know he did that and like I don't feel good about that, but like that was in the past. You know what I mean? Like that was in
the past. He's a new guy and like he's gonna be a great dad so she's gonna have to accept him.
Hey mama?
What?
Can I tell you something?
While I'm watching Judge Judy? Nuh-uh
Mama, c'mon! This is- Mama this is important.
What.
Now mama...
This might come as a shock to your system nervous of-
with your privy-
brace yourself...
Mama due to a set of unfortunate circumstances beyond- within my- the be-
What is it?
Mama I'm pregnant.
No shit, Sherlock.
Wait mama, how did you know?
You look like a tomato on toothpicks. Of course I knew.
That's just rude mama I don't-
[liquid splashes]
Hey mama I think I might have just uh... piddled my panties.
No baby, your water just broke.
No I don't think so I think I just peed my pants!
Well do whatever you want, it ain't my cooter that's about to be 'sploded. You bring me my Diet Dr. Thunder?
[moans]