Sunny Lenarduzzi: When it comes to success in relationships, business, and life, what's
the most influential factor?
Well, as Jim Rohn famously said, we are the average of the five people we spend the most
time with.
The people you surround yourself with affect your thinking, your mood, your self-esteem,
and your decisions.
If you surround yourself with people who inspire you, you'll be more motivated to take action.
But have you ever wondered how you actually connect with people that you admire?
I've been really fortunate to build tribe around me of people that I once really looked
up to, and now they've become friends and part of my network.
So that's why I wanted to make this video.
So, smash the like button and I'm going to show you how to build your tribe step by step.
Cheers.
Step number one is the magnet effect.
Now, this exercise actually changed my life.
And I've used this exercise to build my tribe from scratch, and to attract the right people
into my life in all different kinds of capacities, whether it's personal or business related.
So, how does this exercise work?
Okay, well hat I want you to do, whether you do this right now and pause the video, or
do this at the end of the video, it's really, really important and if you don't do this
step, none of the other things I'm going to tell you today are going to work and you're
going to still feel frustrated that you're not attracting the right people into your
life.
So, whether you like it or not, you are what you attract.
If you're trying to attract people that are inspiring and motivated and going after their
dreams, but you're not doing that, why would that person want to be around you?
I want you to write down the traits of your ideal best friend, your ideal tribe member
who would be the exact person that you need and want in your life, who you know is going
to help you build an even bigger and better life for yourself.
So, things for me on my list when I do and continue to do this exercise is abundance,
and open minded, and generous.
Healthy, fit, inspirational, motivated, driven.
So many things on the list, and the list really does go on.
And then basically what you do is once you write that list, you want to look at it and
go am I embodying all these traits?
Because if you're not embodying the traits that you're trying to attract in your tribe
in the people that are surrounding you, it's going to be really hard to attract your tribe.
So, you have to do this exercise first before you move on to anything else.
You want to flip the script on yourself, write down all the things you want in a best friend,
and then see if you're actually all of those things.
Step number two is do a tribe audit.
Now, this is going to feel weird and uncomfortable.
But, growth is uncomfortable, and the only way to grow is to really take audit of the
people and the things in your life, and how they are affecting your growth.
So, tribe audit is simply taking a look at the people you're spending the most time with,
the five people you're spending the most time with in your life.
Ar those people fitting into the traits and the things that you're looking for in your
tribe?
If they're not, and if you have people in your life that are what I like to call soul
suckers, because they drain you of your energy, they drain you of all of your optimism and
positivity, but you have to put on your own mask first if you've ever heard that analogy
when you're in an airplane.
You're always told if anything goes on, put on your own mask first.
You have to take care of yourself first in order to be the best version of yourself for
everyone else around you.
So, in order to take care of yourself, you have to take an audit of the people you're
spending the most time with.
And it doesn't mean if they don't fit the criteria you have to cut them out of your
life by any means.
They could be old friends, they could be good friends, they just may not be the people that
are going to elevate your energy and elevate you to a new place in your life that's much
more positive than maybe where you are currently.
So, you just want to be cautious and really do another audit of the amount of time you're
spending with those people.
And reallocating that time to discover new relationships and new friendships with people
who are going to, again, lift you up and elevate you.
Soul suckers.
Real quick, I want you to be very, very honest, this is a safe place and a safe community,
and we can all learn from one another, right?
So, in the comments below I want you to write down the traits of your ideal tribe members.
What are the top three, top five things that you want in the people you spend most time
with?
It's okay to be blunt, it's okay to be honest.
It's okay to put it out there, because as soon as you do, guess what?
I bet you there's people in this community that probably are perfectly fits for your
tribe.
Step number three is find your people.
Now, this also might feel slightly uncomfortable, especially if you feel a little awkward meeting
new people, which I totally get.
It might come as a surprise to you, but building new relationships is not really comfortable
for anybody I don't think, and I'm a total homebody.
So, going to networking events and that kind of stuff, ugh, it really just drains my soul.
So, there are a few hacks to get around this.
And one of the best hacks or tips that I've ever heard came from Lori Harder, who's an
expert on building your tribe.
She's a brilliant entrepreneur, and she also wrote the book a Tribe Called Bliss, which
is all about breaking through superficial friendships, creating real connections, and
reaching your highest potential, which is what we're talking about today.
And I also had Lori on the podcast for aa full interview on the book and this subject.
If you want to check it out, it is in the description below to go listen there, and
be sure to subscribe.
So, what was Lori's tip?
She turned to Instagram, as most of us do.
But instead of just creeping other people's feeds, she was looking through hashtags that
were relevant to her.
So, she was looking at things like #fitness, #soulcycle, #laWomansevent.
And she would look up these hashtags and see who was creating content round them, or using
the tags.
And she would start following all those people, and slowly but surely build relationships.
Now, she said out of 50 people that she would reach out to on a regular basis, like every
week, about 10 of those people would get back to her.
So, don't take it personally if you don't get a response, but this is such an easy first
opportunity to reach out to somebody and start building a relationship.
Now, the next step of this, step number four, is how you actually reach out.
So, I call this clearing the blocks, which is another term that Lori shared with me.
Which really doesn't put any pressure on the person you're reaching out to, because it
is a little bit weird.
If you've never met the person, you're reaching out to them on Instagram, or you happen to
run into them at an event one time.
Going up to them, or messaging them and saying, "I can't wait to be best friends with you,"
is a little creepy.
We do generosity.
Now, it's also important to understand that I have relationships that have taken years,
I'm talking like five years to build.
Where, initially, for the first four of those five years, all I was doing was adding as
much value as I could to this person that I really looked up to and admired.
I was liking their content, I was sharing their content, I was responding to their emails.
Whenever they've had an ask on social media for any help with anything, I would try and
see if my skillset fit my needs, and I would try and reach out and help them.
Because sometimes if the person is on a really high level and they're super successful, they're
getting inundated with people trying to get their attention.
So instead of trying to get their attention, you want to say this is how I can actually
help you, and I would love to do this.
No pressure, whatever you need from me I'm happy to help.
So that's the best way to start really clearing those blocks.
So, instead of asking, just give them some sort of generosity, give them some sort of
lead in, where you're actually helping them, and you aren't asking them for a thing.
And that will pay off all day, every day, way faster, even if it does take a couple
of years.
Way faster than asking for something right off the bat.
I can tell you right now that when I get emails from people, or DM's from people saying, "Can
I pick your brain?
Can I have a quick coffee chat with you?
Can I take you for lunch?"
I don't have time.
And I know that sounds terrible, but I don't.
I barely have time to see my friends and my family at the moment with how busy things
are.
People that get my attention are the people that lead with value.
Even if it might not be something that I can ake them up on right now, they're always going
to be filed away in my brain.
And I actually have a special folder for them, because one day I'll probably come back and
say hey, you know hen you offered to help me with X?
I would love to take you up on that.
So, that's how you really clear the blocks for people and get their guards down, is not
asking, but giving.
Finally, step number five is reiterating this point, and making sure that you don't take
it personally if you don't get a response from someone that you want to build a relationship
with.
So, first and foremost if you don't get a response and you kind of lose the inclination
to even want to build a relationship with that person, that's cool, let it go.
But there's probably someone who you are really interested in meeting, or sitting down for
coffee with, or building a relationship with in the long run.
And don't let that go.
So, what I do is I usually span it out within three months, and I'll put a reminder on my
calender, or in my notebook, or in a [inaudible 00:09:19] to say reach out to X.
And it'll have a whole list of people that I do want to build relationships with, and
it'll just be me pinning them again, to be basically checking in and saying, "Hey, hope
everything's great with you.
I saw your recent post on this," or "I saw you just launched this.
I wanted to say congratulations."
Or, "I really loved reading that," or, "Watching that video."
"And as always, if there's anything that I can support you with, please let me know."
Or, if you see something specific that they need help with, mention that and say you know
what, that's actually what I do, and I would love to offer you my guidance.
Here's a really quick strategy of what I think could be helpful for you.
Lay it out for people, tell them exactly how you can add value.
And you'd be surprised at the response you get.
So, I mark a three month reminder for the people that I really want to build relationships
with, to continue to follow up with them.
Again, no expectations, I'm not asking to pick their brain, I'm not asking them to go
for coffee or lunch.
I'm just saying how can I help you?
And that's where you're really going to see those relationships start to bloom.
Never ever ever utter the phrase can I pick your brain?
Not only does it sound gross, but it's probably the most off putting phrase that anyone in
the world can hear.
This brain of mine has taken 31 years to build, so you can't pick my brain and get all the
information that I have up here in a quick coffee chat, and it's pretty much insulting
to say that to somebody who is an expert in their field.
So, let's just all make a rule, and we're never going to say that to anyone again?
Okay?
If you're down for that, put, "Boss," in the comment below.
Also, I wanted to reiterate that this will take time.
And it may take years, but it also may take a couple o days or even a few months with
the right people in your tribe.
But those big aspirational people that you hope to have in your circle one day, it's
okay if it does take time.
Just continue to add value to them, and I swear to you it will come back tenfold eventually.
So, thank you so much for being a part of this tribe.
We appreciate you so much, so comment below with the hashtag BOSSCLUB to be entered to
win shout outs or swag from the BOI Boss store.
And if you haven't subscribed yet, be sure to subscribe to the channel.
We have new videos every single Tuesday, and next week's video is all about how to handle
rejection and hate.
if you liked this video and you're excited to build your own tribe, let me know.
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