I'm sorry.
For what?
This.
Who was that for?
I really didn't come here to dance.
Could you just interview me about the web- Nevel!
I stole a kiss upon your cheek. And now another kiss, I seek.
Seek some tapenade.
Oh. As I was saying--
You guys ever been to Fresno?
Shut up!
What? I was just--
Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!
What's your deal?
My deal is you haven't let me finish one sentence all night
and I can't take it anymore.
- It's like you won't even-- - What are you trying to say?
Get outta here!
I'll just come back tomorrow and finish it up.
Oh, no, you will not.
Where else am I gonna go?
You're banned!
Banned?
You have no respect for our privacy,
so now you can't come back here at all.
But I'm Tebow.
You're Te-banned!
How come no one's ever thought to juice corn?
So I grabbed a juicer.
Maybe nobody's ever thought to juice corn
'cause most people have brains that function normally!
[chirping]
Just walk toward me, ya nutty little chick.
[chirping]
Try to grab him.
[chirping]
Wow, if only I'd thought of that.
Zackerman, you don't need to yell at Freddie
in front of the whole class.
Oh, look, more backtalk from the sass master.
I am not the sass master,
and it's wrong for you to be mean to Freddie
just cause your boyfriend broke up with you.
Wow, Carl's, maybe you are the sass master.
The least you could do is apologize.
But I didn't do anything wrong.
Didn't you?
Fine.
I'm sorry if your feelings are hurt.
I didn't realize you were so sensitive.
What kind of faux apology was that?
I traded the shirt for something you really wanted
and something we can do together.
But that shirt was special.
It was the very first iCarly t-shirt ever.
You know, I spent like two weeks making it for you.
You said it was no big deal.
Oh, that's just something people say
when they give you a present. "Oh, that's no big deal."
It's always a big deal!
Did you get in trouble?
'Course I got in trouble.
Teachers tend to get upset when you put their heads
on the bodies of a big, fat animal!
I... I can't believe I let you talk me
into taking the blame for you.
You had to. I've already been suspended
once this semester.
If I'd gotten busted, they'd have expelled me.
- Well, here's an idea. - What?
Stop doing bad things!
Yes, Carly. You've never fought anyone before,
what makes you think you can take on
a great fighter like Shelby Marx?
Ah. Good question. Um...
Well, you call Shelby a great fighter,
but, I say she's just a punk.
[audience] Oh.
- And not the cool kind. - Hey.
Here are your four smoothies.
You sure you don't want to blast me in the head
with a lemon before I drink this?
All right, but I don't think you're gonna like it.
For most eighth grade girls, if they came home and found
their 26 year old brother dangling upside down
from the ceiling over a giant robot
made out of soda bottles, it'd be weird.
You're saying I'm abnormal?
Do I need to say it?
Want me to scrub your social media
for a friends and family rate of $500?
I'd rather wear a shirt made out of human hair.
And Spencer?
Look, I've seen those MMA fights.
They can get really rough.
I don't think it's a place for kids.
Okay, when did you suddenly turn uncool?!
Ah, when did you turn into a little baby
who yells at me the first time she doesn't get what she wants?
Right when you stopped giving me what I want!
- Uh... we're gonna... - Go.
No, it's fine.
We're just having a discussion. And I'm going to that fight!
No, you're not.
Look, I'm sorry you're upset, but I'm in charge here.
You're the kid and I'm the adult.
You give me that back right now!
No, I got it!
You give it to me as a present!
Let me go to that MMA fight!
You're not going to that fight!
Then you're not getting this smoothie back!
- Don't be such a big baby! - I can't believe
you're trying to ruin this for me!
It's my job to keep you safe!
You don't deserve this smoothie!
Give me that smoothie back right now.
Don't touch my Newton balls!
[groaning]
I just want you back.
I want you the way you're supposed to be.
I want you to make crazy sculptures
and to accidentally set stuff on fire and to wear socks
that light up.
And I want you to be single and lonely again.
And I want you to leave the country.
And nobody even likes you.
Why wasn't it weCarly?
We actually did discuss it, but apparently it tested poorly.
With who?
Carly.
It ain't called the weternet.
Please discuss the boy's hair and glasses.
He looks like Ms. Briggs.
Yeah, Except he doesn't have Ms. Briggs' crazy pointy boobs.
[laughing]
I know, what is up with those?
It's like she stuffs waffle cones in her bra.
Totally, I mean, she could poke an eye out
with one of those things.
See? Anyone can make an awesome smoothie at home.
So it really doesn't matter if a very mean person
unfairly bans you
from your favorite smoothie place
just 'cause he's mad. And what made him mad
was totally his fault in the first place!
Um, obviously, Carly won't need to add the anger boost.
Nope.
Now, give her a taste.
Hmm. Um-hmm. How is it?
I don't wanna talk about it.
You both should be furious with each other.
Furious.
I wouldn't say I'm furious.
Well, you should be furious.
What guy wants to go on a date and watch a girl go...
[groaning]
"I'm Sam Puckett."
[groaning]
Ew.
How can you sit there and listen to that whiny nub go...
[groaning]
"You're using too much Parmesan."
[groaning]
"Don't chew with your mouth open."
[groaning]
Seriously, why don't you two just pick up your forks
and use them to jab each other in the eyes?
The memes you're sharing have ruined my life!
Did they take your millions of dollars
and the food from your fridge and the clothes off your back?
Worse. They've taken my dignity.
This is so stupid. You guys are best friends.
Were best friends.
- Blegh. - Blegh.
Then we're prepared to buy you out of your contract.
For how much?
10,000.
20,000.
15,000.
- 30,000. - What?
And you have to give full refunds
to every iCarly viewer who bought Jinx Foots.
- Tech Foots. - I know what I said.
She can lip sync the song.
And how does that help the fact that she dances
like a diseased elephant?
I'm so mean. Do you see what pressure does to me?
It brings out my mean.
You know, anybody but me would punch you
right in the head.
Which is why you are my best friend.
Good to know. Now, why are you mine?
Yeah, well, you see, you learn something new every day.
Yes. Today we learned the meaning of argh
and that the two cops in my apartment
are even bigger morons than we thought.
Oh, Carly, you saw the woman pee, let it go.
Let this go? Okay.
[gasping]
Why did you throw this at me?
Well, you know when you put out a new shoe,
they always have a few minor problems.
Minor?
What would be a major problem?
If they came to life in the middle of the night
and ate your family?
Come check out this clip some kid sent in to iCarly.
This is insane.
You want to know what's insaner?
The Dorfmans are gonna be here any second,
and Spencer's not back yet.
You try calling him?
No, Sam. I'm just keeping my cell phone warm here
between my cheek and my shoulder.
You can't prove anything.
But I can prove that you owe me a car
and I'd better get it or you'll rue this day. Rue it!
[yelping]
They already replied.
With "Do better".
To my olive branch. Oh, I'll do better.
I'll lodge that branch so far up--
Ah, yes, love and light.
The party still going on?
Uh, yeah, but at ten o'clock, everyone turned invisible.
Hey, keep it down, you guys!
After the show, you got to take the puppy to the vet.
I think he's got an anxious bladder.
Why me?
He's your dog, too.
No, he's not. I never wanted a dog!
[whimpering]
I'm sorry. Come here.
Oh, my God, I'm a monster.
Hey, I'm Miranda Cosgrove from iCarly.
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