- "I'm gonna go home.
"You heading my way?"
Aw, shucks.
Malcolm getting some tonight.
(soft electronic music)
(shimmery music)
My name is Jasmine Diaz.
I'm a celebrity matchmaker and dating strategist.
What a dating strategist does is help singles
strategize their dating life.
What I look at is the full scope
of who a person is, what their goals are
as it relates to their dating life,
and I create a path, essentially,
to help them find their one.
I don't know what to expect, to be honest,
about a dating simulator.
It might be like real life, it might not be.
I'm curious to see.
I'm building a dad right now.
I think I want him to have realistic body type.
No, that's not realistic either.
That looks like my husband, actually.
Okay, let's just go here.
We're gonna go with this dad.
I think this represents real people.
Let's change your outfit, Dad.
Jeez, they don't really give you too many options here,
but all right, Dad's looking good right now.
Malcolm Roberts, here we go.
"Whoa," okay, Amanda says, "Whoa,
"I haven't seen these in years."
"I pull out one of the dusty albums
"from the top of the pile,
"and we begin looking through it."
Aw, look at the baby.
"The only way your father and I--"
"The only way your mother and I--"
Okay, I'm confused.
I'm just gonna go with this.
"The only way your father I continue
"to get you to stop crying," oh.
He's gay.
I just realized.
Now we switched.
Okay, I'm down with that.
"The only way your father and I could get you
"to stop crying was the put the glasses on you.
"Amanda and I pile into the car," finally,
"and take one last look at the old house.
"So many memories here.
"Hard to believe your father and I bought this place
"almost 20 years ago.
"We pull up for the new house an step outside.
"The lawn is freshly mown."
Wait, the for sale sign.
Okay, got that.
Maybe Malcolm meets the guy across the street.
"Gotta get my hands on a nice hot cup of,"
okay, let's do this.
Malcolm's going somewhere, finally, with Amanda.
(laughs)
Amanda looks like a teenage girl.
She should be out doing her own thing.
"At least when I'm home,
"some random guy isn't gonna come up
"and sit on the recliner next to me."
I think you need more random guys in your life, Malcolm.
"Dad, are you just afraid to meet new people?"
Finally, push him out.
"We walk inside."
All right, look at this dude.
I like him.
Got tats.
I'm feeling the dreds and the facial hair.
"Welcome to the Coffee Spoon, guys.
"How's it going?"
(laughs)
That's at least how I'm thinking he's gonna sound.
I like this guy.
Malcolm seems a little too buttoned up though.
That's my own clothing choice though.
"So what'll it be?"
We have options.
Let's not make you too hipster.
Let's just go with black coffee.
Oh, hearts, connection.
Feeling this, I'm getting somewhere.
Mat, "A classic."
Malcolm, "I don't get it."
"Oh, it's a pun.
"Goodspeed You! Black Emperor is really amazing
"and influent--"
Okay, now we're getting a little too deep.
"I'm doing the thing again."
Yes, rambling.
Malcolm's not really dropping any hints
that he's interested.
I mean, I think that Mat was showing little signs,
like, hey, there might be something there.
"This couch is actually pretty comfy.
"Maybe not comfier than that couch, but it's all right.
"Good lumbar support."
I'm kinda feeling like Malcolm is a little bit of a square.
He's a little socially awkward,
so for me, figuring out where that comes from,
and working on ways to overcome some of that,
'cause he seems like he has a little anxiety.
"This place, right next to our house,
"and that guy seems not only cool,
"but also just as uncomfortable
"with talking to other people as you--"
Yes.
See, Amanda is the smartest one
in this situation, in my opinion.
She should be the matchmaker.
"You should totally become friends with him."
I like what you're thinking.
Malcolm, "Hm, I don't know.
"I can't meet new people if I always stay inside,
"and also don't go outside,
"and also don't talk to people."
That is true.
I tell people this all the time.
This is very common, actually.
People think they can meet other people
by staying in the house.
"You oughta come by when my daughter's hanging
"around the shop.
"You two might get along."
Okay, so I like that they both have kids.
This is working somewhere.
Malcolm, "Yeah, I'm sure we'll maybe come in
"from time to time."
Okay, he's totally missing the hint.
"You know what?
"Let me get you guys' opinion on something.
"I'm working on a new banana bread recipe,"
okay, he cooks, I like this,
"and I need help coming up with a name for it."
We're naming this thing now.
This is a really important moment.
We're making decisions that will impact the future
of this coffee shop.
Right Said Banana Bread.
I'm really connecting this well.
It's working.
"Like Right Said Fred."
See? I'm with you.
I'm feeling the music.
"But now, it's about banana bread.
"I think your youngsters would like it."
You youngsters.
Malcolm, come on.
"Right Said Banana Bread.
"Strong decisions."
"I wanted to say baby because I thought
"it would sound cool,
"but once I said it, I realized
"it just doesn't sound good coming from my mouth."
Oh, this is getting intense right now.
Okay, so I'm wondering now,
are they the only two people in this coffee shop?
Because Mat is spending a awful lot of time here,
clearly suggesting that he's interested.
Mat, "See? Sounds good when I--"
Wow.
Oh, now there's another man.
"Across the way, a man catches my eye.
"He sits by himself,
"brooding over a cup of coffee.
"I hastily look away,
"hoping he didn't catch me staring.
"We finish our drinks and head out."
- Hey.
- "Thanks for stopping in."
"Take care."
I think Mat was doing a great job,
expressing interest, offered some free food,
which you only do to someone
that you're kinda feeling.
Malcolm just missed all the hints.
"As we're walking home,
"I hear heavy footsteps come up behind us."
"Malcolm, bro."
"Turn around, I'm greeted
"by a familiar face jogging up to us."
Aw, there's some hot dudes up in this neighborhood.
Why do they all have kids?
Where's the moms in this situations,
or the other dads.
Everyone's a single parent?
Like, are none of the relationships actually going well?
"Craig?
(Craig sighs)
"Bro, holy--
"Wow, I haven't seen Craig in forever.
"Amanda, this is my friend, Craig.
"We went to college together.
"We were roommates for a while too."
I bet.
"Are you babysitting?"
"Nah, dude, River's my kid."
"Man, it has been a long time.
"Feels like, one minute, we're rolling up
"to exams with bad hangovers,
"and the next, we're both fathers.
"How have you been, man?"
It seems like they have a really good rapport.
It's not awkward or weird.
I'm assuming Craig is single.
We'll see.
I mean, I'm liking it so far.
Wait, he has twins?
"You have three kids?"
"Ain't life something, bro, right?"
The dialogue is good.
I mean, what's great about it, Malcolm's not weird.
That's half the battle there.
"The Craig I knew is not fit
"to be responsible for a living thing,
"including and especially himself.
"One time, I watched him drink an entire jar
"of marinara sauce for dinner."
It gets like that sometimes.
He was jogging.
"He's a totally different person."
I gotta say, Craig is doing a great job
for a dad of three.
I have one kid, and I look a hot mess most times.
"Anyway, we better get home."
Malcolm's going out tonight?
Let's go clubbing, Malcolm.
"I'm gonna put on a nice outfit
"and go tear it up on the dance floor."
(whimsical electronic music)
How old is he supposed to be, with this lingo?
"I'm just kidding, I'm actually going to..."
Oh, he's not going to the club?
He just disappointed my whole life.
(sighs)
Let's go watch the game.
"While you do that,
"I'm gonna do drugs and commit some light arson."
She's having a whole lot more fun.
(doorbell rings)
Just as I'm heading out, the doorbell rings.
"I walk over to the door and open it."
"Hello."
"A handsome--"
Really?
"Handsome, clean-cut man stands at my door,
"brandishing a plate of cookies."
He moved into the right neighborhood.
There's nothing but men everywhere.
"My daughter Christie wanted me--"
So they're all single dads with daughters?
Now this is starting to feel like a conspiracy.
"My daughter Christie wanted me to let you know
"she baked them herself."
What's interesting to me is
that Malcolm's attracting all these people.
Most people have a hard time getting,
like, one person to approach him.
This guy got, like, I don't know,
three people in one day.
"I'm sorry, can you close the door real quick?"
"I look at Joseph quizzically, but comply.
"After a second, I hear a knock on the door,
"opening it, I see Joseph standing there
"with a huge smile."
"I'm your new neighbor, Joseph.
"I promise not to talk about your dead spouse this time.
"I'm throwing a barbecue--"
Oh, so they're starting over, okay.
He's getting invited out.
Is this a date?
Is this not a date?
"Also, four kids is a perfectly normal amount
"of children to have."
"Well, neighbor, I'll let you go to bed.
"See you at 3:00 p.m."
He got a date on day one.
Look at that.
Malcolm did much better,
and maybe the neighbor's a much better speed for him.
He's clearly got something attractive about himself
that he's attracting all these people.
There are obviously some parallels to real life dating
in terms of the exchanges you have with people
and all of that, just the social interaction.
What's cool is kind of seeing
how he is progressing in terms
of, like, his social ability.
With dating in general, the more you do it,
the better you become.
The more you put yourself out there,
the more you communicate, it's almost like flexing a muscle.
"A big, burned out neon sign above the tiny dive bar.
"Jim and Kim's, huh?
"All right, I'll do.
"One beer please."
"Sure thing."
I'm actually really proud that he decided
to get out of the house to begin with.
You can get so used to your routine,
just going from, like, job to home,
and not really considering anything else in between,
so I think it's great.
He's doing something about it.
"A middle-aged woman
"holding a nearly-empty wine glass saddles up to the bar,
"and sits uncomfortably close to me."
"Hey, sailor."
"Oh, hello."
- Ah.
- "Good to see this fresh meat in here."
Go, girl.
"Are you watching the game?"
Mary's forward.
"Oh, I love that team.
"And I also love that game.
"I love someone who knows their way around balls."
Whoa, Mary.
"I'm getting the impression that she's a little drunk."
Probably.
"Buy a gal a drink," Mary?
Don't by Mary a drink,
'cause Mary needs to get home safe.
"Suit yourself, sailor."
"I hear an affirmative grunt
"from another man at the bar."
"Go team."
Oh, this is the guy from the coffee shop.
"In my opinion, my team is far superior."
I don't know if I like this guy yet.
"Based upon our win/loss record,
"I say that my team is superior.
"The conversation ends there,
"and we both go back to silently rooting
"for our respective teams.
"The game is close, with both sides playing their hardest
"to win, but in the end, my team prevails.
"Quiet cheers ripple throughout the bar.
"I raise a respectful glass
"at the man drinking whiskey.
"He raises his in response.
"An unspoken truce has been formed."
Okay.
"My name is Robert.
"You must be new here.
"Mary already hit on you?"
(laughs)
Yeah.
"Are you a whiskey fella, or a beer fella?"
Malcolm, life choices.
Let's see.
Do we like shots?
Let's do some shots.
- Mm-hm.
- I'm a good matchmaker with this game.
I'm just getting it.
"Robert nods to Neil, who serves up two shots of whiskey."
"Here's to your health."
"Man, this guy's mysterious and cool."
See, but I feel like this guy is not his type.
"Robert signals to the bartender for another round."
"What are you doing here tonight?"
Trying to make friends.
"I'm new in town,
"figured it might be good."
Okay, so I like that Malcolm feels more comfortable.
He's clearly into this dude,
and he's really trying hard.
"I'm gonna go home.
"You heading my way?"
Oh, shucks.
Malcolm getting some tonight.
No, I'm just kidding.
(laughs)
"Robert and I leave the bar
"and find ourselves walking in the same direction.
"We get to Robert's house,
"which is just a few houses away from mine.
"We stop, and he turns to me."
Aw, man.
"I don't kiss and tell, Malcolm.
"Are we doing this or what?"
I think it would be a mistake.
I think Malcolm wants to be in a relationship,
in a serious relationship
with someone who's like him.
It really comes down to end goal, right?
So, if you're looking for a serious,
long-term relationship, you know,
having casual fun kinda takes you off the right track.
Whew, he's got options,
but then he's got a date.
I mean (sighs) this is so tough.
I think it would be a mistake for him to do this,
so I'm just gonna say no thank you.
"Better call it a night."
That's the professional me.
The party me would say let's do it.
"I arrive at Amanda's school,
"check the front desk."
"You must be Malcolm.
"This period's almost over.
"Would you mind waiting in the back?"
"Mr. Vega turns to me and sighs."
"Middle schoolers, right?"
In a way, I kinda feel
like Mr. Vega would be more Malcolm's type.
They're both, like, intellectuals, it seems.
"I don't normally do these impromptu teacher meetings,
"but as sure as you know,
"Amanda's a very bright student.
"I'm concerned about her."
"What's going on?"
- I don't know.
- "Amanda has never been the most engaged student,
"but I know she cares.
"I just wanted to ask, is everything okay at home?"
We just moved.
"On my way out, I stop, thinking for a moment.
"I turn to Hugo.
"Hey, Hugo."
- Ah.
- "Yes?"
"They ever catch that rye?"
- Hm?
- "Yes."
See, told you.
Malcolm has an effect on everybody, it seems.
Now, wouldn't it be a surprise
if all the men that he's crossed path with show up
at the same place at the same time?
'Cause that's how life is.
"Well, we better start getting ready.
"We definitely don't want to be late."
"Wait, no, we have to be fashionably late.
"Who shows up at a cookout on time?"
"We're going early just because you said that.
"I head out of the door,
"and Amanda reluctantly follows.
"I guess we're not as early as we thought we were.
"Joseph's backyard is already packed with people
"Hey, there's Joseph.
"I wave to get his attention."
"Welcome, I'm so glad you two are here.
"Let me introduce you to my family.
"Kids, come over here.
"This is Chris, my eldest."
"Hi."
"This is Christian and Christie, my twins."
"They stare creepily and say nothing."
They are kinda creepy.
"There's our youngest, Crish.
"Wait, where is Crish?
"Maybe Mary put him in his crib."
"Oh no, it's the woman from the bar the other night."
Oh, interesting.
The plot thickens.
What is she doing here?
"Oh, and how could I forget my lovely wife, Mary?
"This is our neighbor, Malcolm, and his daughter, Amanda."
"I'd shake your hand,
"but I have a glass of wine that I need to tend to."
Okay, they have a real weird relationship.
"Mary leaves, and oh god, this is so awkward.
"I wonder if Joseph knows.
"I wonder if Mary knows that Joseph knows.
"I wonder if Joseph knows that Mary knows that I know."
That's really how people think.
"My wife has a wonderful sense of humor,
"but please, you two enjoy the barbecue.
"All the guys are really excited to meet you."
All the guys.
"Let me introduce you to Damien."
"Joseph beckons a tall man
"in gothic attire over the conversation."
"Good evening, friends."
(laughs)
Mysterious.
(laughs)
That's probably the best word I have.
"If ever you're interested,
"it would bring me great pleasure
"to host you for a spot of afternoon tea."
"Wow, uh, yeah, that sounds rad."
- Ah.
- "Splendid."
"Great, I bet you're excited
"to get to know everyone better.
"Hope you both enjoy yourselves."
"Isn't that the barista--"
See, I knew all the men would show up.
"Isn't that Amanda's teacher?
"Hey, I know Craig.
"Wait a second, all these people live
"in our cul de sac?
"That can't be right.
"I'd better investigate."
I think Craig is a friend,
but Mat and Hugo, the teacher,
and the guy at the coffee shop, were better choices,
so I'm gonna go with that.
"Mat and Hugo seem to be embroiled
"in an intense discussion.
"Craig looks on, smiling politely.
"I walk over to say hello."
"Well, I don't think it's fair
"to try and compare two art movements like that."
See, this is totally Malcolm.
The feeling that I get is that Malcolm is really smart,
and a little quirky, but he doesn't want to be.
I'm staying in this zone because I feel
like that's more authentic.
"It's pretty nice."
Okay, so we're talking about the neighborhood now, yay.
"Seems like your daughter is fitting in fine."
"Amanda comes over with Daisy in tow."
"Dad, look, I'm making friends."
"Amanda, you remember the cool barista
"from the coffee shop, and my old college friend,
"and, uh, your teacher."
It's a interesting dynamic
between the three options that are here.
One, to me, is very clearly a friend,
and the teacher, who I originally thought was, like,
okay, you know, more of an intellectual,
very common in terms of interests,
I think he's a little too much.
Overall, I feel like the coffee guy,
although he doesn't have the best,
most amazing job, might actually be a better fit.
Sometimes, people want a partner
who makes the same amount of money as them,
or has similar career interests,
but that doesn't necessarily mean
that that's the right option for you.
Sometimes, someone who has less
or does something completely different
than you do can still be a really good choice.
The social exchanges were pretty realistic,
meeting people at the coffee shop, at the park.
I mean, these are common places
where you tend to meet people,
so I think the game got it right in that regard.
I think the scenarios that are present
in the game are real life scenarios,
so in that way, it might be a good tool
to help someone feel more comfortable, for sure.