(Steve) Today was another goddamn hiking day, and I wanted to die
We were out in the middle of Culver City headed towards some giant staircase that masochists loved climbing,
and I was with my favorite masochist --
sorry -- misogynist, Cib.
Now, Cib has a history
with birds
But today, today was about hiking to the top of the greatest staircase the world has ever seen
I can see by Cib's frustrations, he's still struggling with nicotine withdrawal
I assure you, I never once said "it's just birds"
and yet, he seems to believe that's my go-to scapegoat
Is that- is that how it's said?
I always thought it was space goat
Oh the poor guy didn't actually know
Y'know Cib's really talented at a lot of things
But he's- he's just terrible at calculating time
His mind just doesn't seem to absorb anything of value
I'm pretty sure it's because his parents tried to guillotine him when he was eight
Oh, fun fact actually, I named uh my dog Littlefoot after my little feet
Even though I'm a size 11, I'm- I'm so tall that from all the way up here, my- my big boy feet look like little boy feet
Yes, I read a lot of magazines still
Playgirl, mostly, for the articles
And I've been trying for years to understand women
For instance, why do girls like big cock?
Little cock fun too
[ Static ]
As I stared at the staircase, I wondered
Was I ready?
I'd been doing squats every night until about 2 AM
and one night I had a bit of pizza, so I was Dr. Farts
I put myself in a face down, ass up position to squeeze out the rest of the gas
and Alyssa walked in on me in the bathroom
I couldn't explain to her what I was doing, but she knew because of the smell
[ Horse noises ]
[ Fart noises ]
Now this is actually the position I was talking about earlier when Alyssa walked in on me
Gets the gas out
I pondered
mysteriously. Do I tell Cib there's dirt on his face or
do I forget about it and think about my favorite things like, Dr. Tarantula?
I chose the former
Cib was too dirty to be around
I don't blame that man for ignoring him
Now you wonder why I ignore you in the office, Cib
I act like I'm busy, but I'm literally doing nothing
[ Crying sounds ]
Just breathe, Cib
It's an involuntary bodily function and a simple lesson for a simple man
[ Fart noises ]
Actually, you left uh, a whole flower shop in that one
but I gotta say, even though the hike up there was exhausting
It was worth it. Living in LA for so long
I feel like I got used to the city and got stuck in a bit of a rut
You know, I wake up, go to work, then go home, and repeat
and it's like that every day
But LA still has so much to experience, and I feel like I'm slowly starting to figure that out again
[ Fart noises ]
[ Toot ]
[ Leftovers ]