Hello everyone, I’m Andrew and I like my slashers a little smaller.
Chucky has always been my favorite movie maniac,
I mean, what’s not to love about a psychotic Cabbage Patch Kid doing a bad Jack Nicholson
impression?
Nothing like a strangulation to get the circulation going!
But cute as he is, this Good Guy is extremely bad news.
If you wanna live to play another day you’d better follow our guide on
How to Kill Chucky.
It’s easy enough the first time around.
Just shoot him.
Chucky was born as Charles Lee Ray,
a serial killer known as the Lakeshore Strangler,
who also looks exactly like Tommy Wiseau.
Oh, hi Mark!
And by extension, me.
Ha ha ha.
What a story, Mark.
One night, a cop named Mike Norris chases him into a toy store,
Where the two exchange gunfire until Charles is fatally shot.
He uses a voodoo ritual to transfer his soul into a nearby Good Guy doll.
Endenlieu pour du boisette Damballa!
Endenlieu pour du boisette-- Ahhh!
Think like, My Buddy with a less catchy jingle.
He goes, My Buddy, My Buddy, My Buddy.
Chucky quickly settles back into his old routine,
Getting revenge on his ex-partner and throwing a babysitter out the window just for funsies.
Problem is, the longer he stays in the doll body, the more human it becomes.
He starts to bleed, feel pain, get ingrown toenails,
All that fun stuff.
Last night I got shot.
You know something?
It hurt.
It hurt like a son of a bitch.
It even bled!
It’s good news for you, though, because now you can kill him with a bullet through
the heart.
At least, according to the official voodoo rulebook.
There’s a lot of fine print in there,
like the fact that Chucky can only transfer his soul into the first person he revealed
his true nature to.
In this case, a boy named Andy Barclay.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
I don't believe it.
I just don't believe it.
Andy.
Mike and Andy’s mother interrupt the ritual, but they have a pretty hard time putting Chucky
down.
Burning him in a fireplace just pisses him off,
And blowing off his arms and legs don’t do much good either.
They literally shoot his head off and he just keeps coming,
until a well placed shot to the heart puts him down.
The heart!
Shoot him in the heart!
The nightmare is over for Andy, but not for Play Pals.
The toy company behind the Good Guy dolls faces a huge PR disaster,
You know how that goes.
Our doll killed a bunch of people gruesomely, this is gonna effect quarter four sales for
sure.
To prove that this metal O is harmless, I will personally eat one.
See?
There's nothing--
Boy, this thing is shredding my insides!
So they rebuild Chucky to prove he’s just a harmless lump of plastic.
Then, in a shocking turn of events, Chucky comes back to life.
And if you know any economists, you might want to give them a call right now,
Because he’s extremely susceptible to hyperinflation.
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
Let me explain:
Before Chucky beats that teacher to death with a yardstick,
he also jams a bicycle pump in her chest and blows her across the room.
Not really sure how those physics work,
but it’s actually some great foreshadowing for his death at the end of ‘Child’s Play 2.’
Chucky, Andy, and his foster sister Kyle all wind up in the Play Pals factory,
and for once, Chucky actually gets to finish his ritual.
It’s too late, though,
his soul is permanently trapped in the doll and he is pissed.
Nooo!
It really seems like nothing can stop him,
not even a hundred gallons of boiling pink plastic.
But if you can maneuver an air hose into his melty mouth,
It’ll make an airtight seal and set Chucky up for a nice, gooey, satisying head explosion.
His remains are left in the factory for eight years,
Until Play Pals decides to bring back the Good Guys.
Again.
For some weird reason.
There's already a terrible history at this company and we're only two movies in.
Then again, Furbys came back and they’re just as scary.
Even if they never crushed anyone to death in a garbage truck.
That one was really...
That one made me cry when I was a kid.
Chucky’s splattered remains drip into a plastic vat,
transferring his soul into a brand new doll.
It’s not gonna be easy to kill him this time,
Unless, like me, you’re a really big fan.
Since everyone who loves him is either dead or completely insane,
teenage Andy is stuck in a military school.
Sucks for him, but it’s great news for Chucky the killer doll.
He’s got all kinds of new toys to play with,
Like grenades,
And paintball guns loaded with real bullets.
Even when he gets his face cut off by a scythe,
you can tell Chucky’s having a blast.
At least, until he falls into a giant fan that rips him to shreds.
Charles Lee Ray’s old girlfriend Tiffany stitches his head back together and brings
him back to life in the sequel.
To show his gratitude, he kills Tiffany and turns her into the titular ‘Bride of Chucky.’
After the classic ‘Child’s Play’ trilogy,
the franchise moved on to full-blown horror-comedy.
What are you talkin' about?
For God's sake, Chucky, drag yourself into the '90s.
Stabbings went out with Bundy and Dahmer.
You look like Martha Stewart with that thing.
Who the hell is Martha Stewart?
It was actually a great fit for the series,
and Tiffany helped shatter the glass ceiling for slasher movies,
But Chucky’s death is kinda weak.
All it takes is some more bullets.
Even Chucky doesn’t seem to be impressed.
Go ahead and shoot!
I'll be back.
I always come back!
At least Tiffany goes out giving birth to a terrifying doll baby,
setting the stage for ‘Seed of Chucky.’
And since he’s a dad now,
That means Chucky is vulnerable to patricide.
This is far and away the weirdest film in the franchise.
Get it, Mini Me!
Jennifer Tilly is a main character, played by Jennifer Tilly, who also does the voice
of Tiffany.
Jennifer Tilly!
Also?
Two profane little dolls murder Britney Spears by running her car right off the road.
The titular ‘Seed’ is named Glen or Glenda, depending on which split personality is dominant.
They bring their parents back to life using the same voodoo amulet,
and after Chucky kills their mom,
Glen and his old man throw down in a cheesy kung fu battle.
Let's go.
He dismembers his father with an ax and chops off his head,
which never seemed to stop him before, but whatever.
‘Bride’ and ‘Seed’ play pretty loose with the rules.
Original director Don Mancini returned to the series with ‘Curse of Chucky,’
and brought back its horror roots.
Chucky returns to murder a whole bunch of people and, as usual, stick the blame on someone
else.
Nica what have you done?
Please, you know I would never--
In this case, a girl named Nica whose mother was a survivor of Charles Lee Ray’s early
period.
Nica gets convicted and sent to a mental asylum,
while Chucky successfully possesses her niece, Alice.
The credits roll with Chucky safe and sound,
but if you want to see him dead, all you need is patience.
In a post-credits scene, we see Chucky arrive in the mail somewhere.
When he crawls out of the box, we learn that the recipient is none other than grown-up
Andy Barclay.
Andy.
Not only that, he’s played by the same actor who portrayed him as a kid in 1988.
Alex Vincent isn’t the greatest actor, at least, not as an adult...
Really?
But it’s seriously an awesome reveal.
You can tell Andy’s been waiting a long time for this moment.
He’s got his shotgun at the ready, pointed point-blank at Chucky’s head.
Then, 25 years after the doll ruined his life,
Andy blows its head off.
Play with this.
Andy!
It’s a sick ending, even if it doesn’t make much sense.
For example, if Chucky transferred his soul, how was he in the doll that got sent to Andy?
Well, ‘Cult of Chucky’ has the answer.
Also, it just came out this year, so SPOILER WARNING,
You've been warned.
But it turns out Chucky can split up his soul and possess multiple things at once.
He looked it up on
VoodooForDummies.com.
It changed everything.
Now I can be me, and me, and me!
There are so many Chuckies running around by the end of this movie it’s hard to keep
track.
Only one of them actually dies, though.
Andy rips a gun out of its guts ‘Videodrome’ style, then he curbstomps his head into a
mushy red paste.
One doll goes into hiding, while another possesses Nica and reunites with Tiffany.
As for the original Chucky, Andy’s keeping his head alive at home to torture for all
eternity.
That leaves three still out there,
Which means there are more Chuckies in the world than there are living Beatles.
And those are just the ones we know about.
That’s why it’s so important to know what you’re dealing with,
and the best ways to take this little bastard down.
You might not be able to stop him for good,
but you can definitely ruin his day.
It’s like the doll himself says:
“Dying is such a bitch.”