Heya playa, is there someone that you like or someone that
you're dating right now that you think might be high maintenance?
When you hear that term do you want to just run for the hills?
Does it terrify you beyond belief?
Like, that person is just impossible to deal with?
Don't worry, I'm gonna walk you through five
signs that the person you like or person you're dating might be high maintenance
and explain to you what you can do to make that relationship work and when to call it quits.
When you call someone high maintenance it's definitely not meant to be a good thing.
The problem though is that we group in so many different behaviors, some of them good and some
of them bad into that term which muddies up the whole water so let's clear it up a little bit.
Sign number one, does that person have incredibly high expectations of others?
When people don't meet that threshold of what they want they're often left disappointed.
Sometimes they feel like no one is good enough, they're waiting for that perfect person to do
everything right and if they expect that of you they're probably high maintenance.
And what we don't want to confuse that with
is a person having boundaries or setting standards for themselves.
Just because a person wants a certain type of lifestyle or a certain type of partner
doesn't mean that they're automatically high maintenance.
They may just have an idea of the type of life they want to build
and that's totally fine if it doesn't align with yours.
What you really want to pay attention to is the disappointment piece.
Do you feel like you're always in an uphill battle trying to
win their attention and affection and yet somehow they're just never pleased with it?
If that's the case this might not be the person for you.
Number two, do they have a sense of entitlement
like they're always right and people should do what they say just because?
They feel like no one else understands things as well as they do and because of that,
we should just follow their lead all the time.
This is a huge element of being high maintenance
because it shows a real lack of willingness to compromise or to work with others.
They feel like their way is the only way to go and they don't really have
a deep justified reason for it, they just feel like that's just how it is.
And it's important to not confuse that with having a deep perspective on something.
Maybe this person is a little bit more knowledgeable than everyone else
so they're just kind of sharing that.
The piece you really want to look for is their willingness to hear other people, to compromise if
they need to, and to be compassionate and really understanding where other people are coming from.
Number three do they have a strong attachment to how others perceive them
and are they willing to modify themselves, their personality,
their sense of being, their values just so other people accept them?
It's very common for high-maintenance people to fall into materialistic lifestyles.
Maybe they feel like if they don't wear certain clothing or rep certain brands
or look a certain way then other people are not going to care about who they are.
They become a bit obsessed with the look and feel that other people prop up
because having those things means that now they have status, they have worth and they have value.
And yes, dealing with people like that can be very annoying.
You might feel like when you compliment them or pay attention to something that they do
they just brush it aside because the mass of people don't really acknowledge it or like it.
And what it really represents is a deeper insecurity so
while you're upset with them at the surface level recognize that
there's something deeper within them that's really driving that behavior.
It is important to recognize that each of us cares to some
degree about what other people think about us.
Our friends, our family, our classmates, we value their input and their opinions but if
you notice the person you're with is always fixing up their face, always having to buy new clothes,
always trying to just fit into a status column, that maybe they just are so obsessed with then
yeah they might be high maintenance and you need to think about what you want to do next.
But I just want to stress the point here that if a girl does care about makeup and
her clothing and how she looks that doesn't automatically mean she's high maintenance.
She's a normal person who values her presentation and that's totally fine too.
Number four, they show a lack of willingness to try things
and often have a huge dependency on other people to do things for them.
If you notice that the person you're with never wants to engage in anything and just passes it
off to you to do and they don't want to get their hands dirty that's a sign of high maintenance.
You might even feel like the only time that person is willing to show attention
and affection towards you is when you're doing something for them.
In fact, they might only turn to you when they actually need something
and just ignore you otherwise.
High maintenance people often feel like things just aren't worth their
time and it's easier for them to just pass it off to someone
else not even think about it and expect that person to just do it.
But this point can be a bit confusing.
Let's say for example you're dating a girl that decides she only wants
to go out with guys that pay for her on dates.
She thinks that because the guy invites her out on the date it's his obligation
to pay for her and she's not even willing to offer to pay
or even pull out her wallet just to gesture that she wants to pay.
Does simply having that desire make her high maintenance?
I would argue no.
I think what would make her high maintenance is
being unwilling to understand where the guy is coming from.
If he feels that it should be both of them paying for the dates and
she continues to date him but holds that expectation of him
even though she knows where he's coming from then yeah that would make her high maintenance.
But simply having the desire, having a preference doesn't make you that way.
If that girl decides to continue dating that guy even after knowing where he's
coming from then there's gonna have to be a point of compromise and since she's the
one that holds the expectation of his behavior the compromise is gonna have to come from her.
And number five which is a huge sign of a person being high maintenance
is that they cast out judgment onto others without ever taking the time to understand
or learn where that person is coming from.
Maybe you notice this lack of compassion when you're out on a date and you see that girl be
incredibly rude to a waiter that might be taking a little bit longer than normal.
Without understanding is that waiter new, is something else going on,
do they have something on their mind, are they just dealing with a lot of orders right now,
the person you're dating does not care at all.
They want what they want and they're going to be judgmental towards that person just because.
And look, sometimes anger gets the best of us.
Something gets under our skin and it bubbles up to the surface and
we unleash that anger on someone who totally doesn't deserve it at all.
But the problem isn't so much having that angry outburst or feeling that way
it's how we choose to deal with those feelings after and how we
choose to own the feelings and what we've done in our actions.
If you see that that person is constantly judgmental and has no remorse for their actions
even after you've explained to them why it might be hurtful to someone else
you've asked them to stop then they might be high maintenance.
There really is this kind of bubble they live in where they only focus on what they want
and they're not really empathizing or taking other people's feelings into consideration.
These are generally signs you can notice in anyone whether you're
dating them or they're just someone that you like so be on the lookout.
Now don't just label anyone high maintenance if you see that they show one of these signs.
Have that conversation with them.
Let them know how their behavior is coming across
and if you see a willingness to learn and grow that's a person still worth pursuing.
If you see that they're cold, they don't care about what other people think and they're just
totally unempathetic that's a person you probably will be best avoiding.
Those aren't the only signs you should be looking out for though,
in fact, I'm going to link up a video over here where I'm going to walk you through
more signs to be on the lookout for before you ask someone out.
Trust me, identify these signs so you can save yourself a potential
headache of getting with a partner that you don't really like or match up with.
You really want to find someone that understands you and is willing to grow and learn with you.
So, check out that video and I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.