- I'll go to the left.
To the left, to the left, to the right, to the right,
to the front, to the front, to the back, to the back,
now dip baby, dip, come on now, dip.
Okay, we ready?
Hey everybody.
Today, I'm gonna explain the difference between being shy
and struggling with social anxiety,
because it can be hard to know the difference.
And to be honest, they share a lot of the same symptoms.
(music trills)
First let's dig into what social anxiety
or otherwise known as social phobia is.
And I'm gonna start by reading some of the criteria from the
"Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders",
otherwise known as the DSM.
In order to be diagnosed with social anxiety,
we have to have a marked fear or anxiety
about one or more social situations
in which the individual is exposed
to possible scrutiny by others.
Like, this could be meeting new people, giving a speech,
or having someone watch you do something,
like eat or work on something.
And we also have to fear that we will act in a way
or show anxiety symptoms that will be negatively evaluated.
Like we'll be embarrassed or rejected by others
because of how we act.
Social situations almost always provoke fear or anxiety,
and therefore we avoid them
or endure them with intense fear and anxiety.
Now this fear or anxiety we feel
is out of proportion to the actual threat
that's posed by the social situation
and these feelings are persistent,
meaning they have to last for six months or more.
Sean and I have a friend who has crippling social anxiety
and it has prevented him from coming on trips with us,
being part of important events in our life.
And it has made it really difficult for him to meet people
and make new friends.
And I've talked to him about it over the years
and he's told me that he remembers being anxious as a child.
Feeling so overcome with fear and worry during school,
that he would like sweat through his t-shirts.
And it got to the point where he would bring
a bunch of extra shirts to school,
keep them in his locker so he could change them as needed.
And his social anxiety made speaking in class
or giving a presentation impossible.
And he received many zeros because of it.
And it wasn't until he was in his, I think,
early twenties or so that he realized
what he had was social anxiety.
And even then it has taken him a lot of time to find
a therapist that he can afford and that he likes
and a medication that works.
Social anxiety has affected almost every part of his life
and impaired his ability to do what he needs to do.
But just like any other mental illness,
everyone's experience is gonna be different.
I just wanted to offer you an example to help you better see
what living with social anxiety can be like.
When we have social anxiety,
we avoid any and all social situations
because the fear and anxiety,
as well as the worry
that we're gonna do something embarrassing
is so unbearable it's just easier on us to
not be around people at all.
And we can also have anticipatory anxiety
leading up to a social event,
where we have to practice
and practice our speech beforehand.
Or we worry about an upcoming event
days or maybe even weeks in advance.
My mom does that sometimes.
And we can even become so worried
or anxious that we can feel sick
or our mind can go blank and we can sweat.
And some people even tremble.
And yes, we can become so anxious or overwhelmed
that we have a panic attack.
But if our anxiety always leads to a panic attack,
we may be suffering from panic disorder, not social anxiety.
Just important to remember.
(music trills)
Moving on to shyness.
When we are shy, it's part of who we are.
Meaning it's a personality trait that we have,
and most people who are shy,
don't see it as a negative thing.
Those of us who are shy can live a full life.
We do what we want and get along just fine.
We just tend to be more quiet
and reserved until we know you better.
And we can be a bit standoffish
and prefer to spend time with people
that we already know well.
And we can even feel a little anxious
about meeting new people or going to do new things.
However, and here's the real distinction,
shyness is okay and manageable.
Shyness is okay and manageable.
Like I said, we can live our life just fine.
People with social anxiety, aren't able to.
Social anxiety impairs our ability to function,
making it difficult, if not impossible,
for us to do what we need to do,
at work or school or in our social lives.
Let me share an example.
I always remember this girl, Emily,
that I went to school with from kindergarten
all the way through high school
and how incredibly shy she was.
She was super, super blonde, like white hair.
And so she would turn
beet red when she was called on in class.
And couldn't stop blushing when giving a speech
or presentation, it would just like build.
And she even told me how much she hated attention.
Like if everybody turned towards her.
She hated feeling like everyone was watching her.
She preferred to just kind of quietly do her work
and loved playing the trumpet in our school marching band.
And she did have a small group of really close friends
that she hung out with a lot.
I was kind of like a peripheral friend,
but I knew her forever.
So we rode the same bus, all that stuff.
But anyways, throughout our years in school together,
we got to know each other pretty well.
And Emily was really funny, super quick witted.
And when it was just the two of us chatting and hanging out,
she was totally fine.
But if more people were around, you know,
she'd prefer to kind of slink into the background
or she wouldn't speak up or share her thoughts as much.
So you could say, did Emily feel anxious around new people?
Sure she did.
Did she feel so anxious
that she couldn't get her schoolwork done
or participate in school activities?
Nope.
Emily was shy.
She still did what she enjoyed doing.
She had friends, she engaged in extracurricular activities
and all that to say that shyness isn't debilitating.
Uncomfortable, sure.
But we are still able to do the things that we need
and want to do.
That's the important distinction there.
Also not all people with social anxiety are shy,
meaning that their fear of social situations
is not part of who they are.
It's a mental illness that's holding them back
from doing the things that they love.
And once they overcome the symptoms,
they could be an extrovert.
Love being the life of the party or the center of attention.
People who are shy don't like those things.
They would prefer to not be at a big party
or have everyone paying attention to them.
It's not who they are.
Their shyness isn't holding them back
from doing the things that they love.
They love spending time with one or two close friends
at a time and not getting too much attention.
(music trills)
How do we know if we're experiencing shyness
or social anxiety?
Here are a few quick questions
to hopefully clear it up for you.
Number one,
does your anxiety or fear about seeing other people
keep you from doing the things that you love?
Number two,
do you feel your anxiety or shyness makes it hard for you
to do what you need to do to succeed in life?
Number three,
does your fear or anxiety feel so overwhelming
that you sometimes have panic attacks?
And number four,
have you ever had to call in sick to school or work
because of your anxiety?
If you answered yes to these questions,
it's most likely what you're struggling with
is social anxiety disorder.
If none of that rang true for you,
then it's possible that you're shy.
(upbeat music and trills)
Overall, know that if your anxiety
or fear about social situations
is getting in the way of you doing what you love
or getting that job or promotion that you know you deserve,
please speak up and reach out for professional help.
Cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT,
is incredibly effective at treating social anxiety.
And by finding a therapist that you like
who helps push you to fight back
against those worry thoughts, you can overcome it.
There's also medication too
if you feel like you're drowning in those symptoms
and need some extra support.
And feel free to share
what's helped you overcome your social anxiety
in those comments down below
and feel free to share this video.
You never know who it will help.
Have a wonderful week.
Thank you so much for watching and I will see you next time.
Bye.
I'm on the move.
Social (stutters), I don't know why that's such a hard word.
(scat singing)