[Music]
hi
yeah i'm good how are you yeah yeah i'm
not too bad thank you not too bad i'm
aware it's friday but doesn't quite feel
like it's friday because
nothing's happening but yeah no friday
feeling
no exactly so i would love to hear about
your dad lobby
yeah i lost my dad in april it was a bit
of a shock because
he was quite a uh healthy
guy he was just a very kind encouraging
and nurturing man um
spent a lot of time doting on us as
his family and um we were all yeah
very lucky to have to have him as my dad
very lucky
but you lost your father as well
yes i lost my dad two years ago now
and he was quite like a quiet but like
confident guy
yeah we got on like really well like we
used to make fun of each other
and like also have like lots of like
dinner table
like debates they always kind of let me
speak my mind
like without judgement and i think
that's what kind of made him like such a
wonderful dad
to me so yeah so how's it kind of been
um
during kind of lockdown it's been
tricky because you can't do
i think the things that you usually do
to comfort yourself
um haven't really been able to see
people that much
i think the kind of toughest part was
falling asleep and
waking up because when you wake up you
kind of you're
you know you're out of a dream you have
that like split second and then you like
remember and it like dawns on you like
your reality
there's points i feel like i'm going
insane the world sometimes feels really
strange and
disconnected because everything looks
the same but nothing feels the same
when you don't feel great people who
care about you
want to help you feel better but
sometimes it's just like i
know i don't i feel bad and i don't
i'm not i don't want to feel any better
you don't want to feel
yeah yeah i don't want you to try and
cheer me up right now
i just feel bad if you're just honest
and upfront and be like hey
i'm not feeling great but also don't you
don't need to cheer me up i just want
i just want to speak that people people
are happy to listen
so did you get a to say goodbye to your
dad
yeah kind of i so on the day he died i
kind of rushed back up
home i i'm i'm a bit of a softy so i
tell people i love them all the time
um but i kind of wish that i had
uh i don't know spent more time
saying that and making it clear and i
really wish that i told him
that i was proud of him that i
appreciated what he'd done um
in in building our family and the
sacrifices he'd made and that
i was never um ashamed to
to say that he was my dad and
just that it was really it was an honor
and always will be to be his son
so when we knew he was um really ill i
got a phone call from work
kind of rushed back and he was in his
bed and i remember kind of sitting next
to him and like holding him or whatever
i was like thinking of everything in my
head like what i should say
and my dad he was quite an emotional
person
and i was thinking like how would he be
feeling right now what does he kind of
want me to say and i remember like
thinking it like
say it say say it and i couldn't i just
kind of sat there for ages and then
i just said like i'll look after my mom
and my sisters
this will be the first like christmas
you lost your dad a couple of years ago
now like how's that been dealing with
those events that
we've kind of changed certain like
traditions
like ones that would involve my dad and
it's too
sore to like reenact or do again we're
like
doing something completely different any
kind of
advice i would give to anyone would be
like respect each other's grieving
processes i know that you've got
obviously like siblings and a mum
everyone grieves differently so don't
expect someone to grieve like you're
grieving
i find it quite helpful to hear other
people's stories i've been listening to
podcasts and
reading things and just feeling help me
feel like i'm not alone but also
understand that
this is unfortunately the part of life
and
it doesn't have to be the end of it or
consume everything that it's something
that happens and we continue
and carry it with us and become and it
becomes part of who we are as people so
you