I've done this show for 17 seasons.
And just like me, each year it just keeps getting hotter.
Sometimes, things happen that are too hot for TV.
But I show them anyway because you deserve to see the truth.
Watch.
[CROWD CHEERING]
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Let's see what else you have in here.
What's that?
Birth control.
OK.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah.
I don't know what that looks like.
Name three curse words you say the most.
[BLEEP]
What's your favorite curse word?
[BLEEP] me.
Favorite G-rated curse word.
Shazam.
G-rated curse word, [BLEEP].
I once went on a blind date with a guy, an adult man,
who had braces.
Why is it so bad that someone had--
They hurt.
They hurt your "pikachu."
Everything hurts, OK.
What did you say?
Pikachu.
It's that-- my little special spot.
That's what I call it.
Last season, you had a product that you were--
that we-- we can't talk about on this show,
but it's a very popular product.
And you got some--
Vibrator.
You can say, vibrator.
I don't think we can.
I guess we can.
Especially--
What is your favorite body part on A-Rod?
Ooh.
Stop.
What could you not do without?
Stop.
I'm going to say--
I love his arms.
OK.
Stop.
All right.
Well, what's your favorite?
I love his penis.
I really do.
[CROWD CHEERING]
I know you are worried about your outfit,
and now I realize why.
We just got married at city hall.
And then-- I also didn't want to torture my friends
and make them be bridesmaids.
Yeah.
Do you want to spend, like, $150 on this bogus-ass dress that
you're--
That you'll never wear again.
--never gonna wear again, and spend a weekend
with a bunch of bitches that you don't know?
And then you're celebrating them and they're, like,
here's a penis necklace.
Here's a penis hat.
Let's play pin the penis on the penis.
And I'm, like, if I'm about to get married,
I don't want to wear a penis candy necklace.
I want a real penis that's not the penis I'm going to have
forever.
You know?
I have to say, that's the record number of the times someone
has said penis within 60 seconds.
That was-- congratulations, you win a 65" TCL Roku TV.
Strip culture is really popular right now.
And I've noticed that there are a lot of lazy ones
that aren't really putting forth a lot of effort.
Did you see my twerking?
Did you see what I did?
Let me see it.
OK, OK.
No, no, no.
No?
How do I do it?
That'll get you a couple of bucks right there.
Yeah?
Yeah!
Craziest place you've had sex?
My [BLEEP].
'Cause I know you love games, and I love games.
Yes.
So what they give you the hospital
are these breathing things right?
And whoever can suck their balls the hardest, wins.
OK, ready?
You suck, not blow?
You-- of course I'd have to teach her.
Yes, Ellen.
We'll be back.