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hello psyched goers welcome back
have your parents ever told you
something that to this day still hurts
every time you think about it
though we might not always be aware of
it our words hold so much more power
than we realize this is even more
important in familial relationships
studies of child psychology have shown
that the way our parents talk to us
becomes the way we learn to talk to
ourselves
so the way parents talk to their
children could have serious
repercussions on their self-concept
self-esteem and emotional attachment to
others even as adults
with that said here are eight of the
most damaging things a parent can say to
their child
number one
what's the matter with you
if your child's personality often
clashes with yours it can be difficult
to be around them so much
let alone to parent them
but no matter how frustrated we might
get it's important to always keep our
temper in check and stop ourselves from
letting our anger get the best of us
asking your child what's the matter with
them just because they don't share the
same interests as you or act the way you
think they should is only going to hurt
their self-esteem and make them question
their own sense of self-worth
number two
i don't have time for you right now
we all know that taking care of a child
is no easy task even with a co-parent
around
and having to balance a full-time job
along with it can be overwhelming
so it's important that you keep your
priorities in check when making
compromises between your work life and
your family life
and if you really have to choose the
former over the ladder sometimes don't
just simply tell your child that you
don't have time for them
or that you can't deal with them right
now
explain it to them in a way that won't
hurt their feelings and make it up to
them some other time away
otherwise they'll start to feel lonely
and neglected
number three
i wish you were more like this
just as we should refrain from comparing
ourselves to others parents should never
compare their children with their
siblings or classmates
not only does this breed insecurity
rivalry and jealousy it also makes them
feel like they're not good enough for
you
and that the love you have for them
needs to be earned
for example saying why can't you be more
like your straight a friend
makes them feel like you care more about
their grades than you do about them
which brings us to our next point
number four
you're a disappointment to me
if you want your child to grow up as a
person
and bring you along for the journey
then you need to be able to make them
feel safe enough to make their own
mistakes and learn from them
do not just attack them for falling
short sometimes by saying you're such a
disappointment to me but rather
encourage them to try again by
reassuring them that it's okay to fail
sometimes and that you'll always be
there for them no matter what
number five
why didn't you
similar to the last point asking your
child why they didn't get into a certain
college score higher on the sats make
the starting team or win a competition
only serves to make them feel worse
about themselves especially when they
tried really hard to please you
it can ruin their self-esteem and turn
them into neurotic perfectionists always
beating themselves up over every little
mistake just because your words made
them feel like nothing they do can ever
be good enough for you
number six because i said so
studies show that having an
authoritarian parenting style that is
being extremely strict controlling and
expecting children to follow the rules
you set with no discussion or compromise
whatsoever
can have many negative effects on a
child
some children develop poor self-esteem
and become socially inept withdrawn and
dependent while others become more
aggressive defiant reckless and
deceptive
either way simply demanding that your
child should submit to your will just
because you told them so and that you
are the parent here will foster a lot of
resentment and conflict in your
relationship with them
number seven
what are people going to say
did your child come up to you as part of
the lgbtq plus community or get called
in the principal's office for getting
into a fight
do they have a lot of failing grades or
have trouble making friends
if you didn't already know
it must have been difficult for them to
tell you because they were afraid of how
you'd react but asking what are people
going to think or what does that say
about me as a parent
makes them feel like all you care about
is the opinion of others and that you
see them as an embarrassment to the
family
and number eight
i'm leaving and never coming back
last but definitely not least
in the heat of the moment you might be
tempted to spew threats of running away
and never coming back
once you start to feel that your child
is becoming very ungrateful for all the
things that you do for them but it's
better to bite back your tongue and
swallow your temper than to say
something that will hurt them for years
to come
after all
even if we might not realize that at the
time threats like these are done with
the intention of hurting your child and
scaring them into listening to you or
doing as you say
and emotional blackmail like this can
make their attachment towards you and
others as they grow up unstable and
insecure
so do you relate to any of the things
mentioned here
are you a parent trying to learn what to
avoid when raising your child
or still trying to heal from the hurtful
words of a parent
even if you're neither it's still
important for us to be more considerate
of how we treat others and the effect
our words could have on them
as the saying goes be careful with your
words once said they can only be
forgiven but never forgotten
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