Hello Internet - and welcome back to the most inquisitive channel on YouTube - Life’s
Biggest Questions, the place where we whisper into the void… while in his house at R’lyeh
dead Cthulhu waits dreaming.
As always, my name’s Jack Finch, and I’ll be your guide through the cosmos as we carefully
ask the question, What if Yog-Sothoth fought Azathoth?
Roll the clip.
The mythos of H.P Lovecraft is a fantastically terrifying place - a true literary stomping
ground, where we as readers weave the very fabric of his own intended, twisted cosmos.
A combination of the strange and fantastic, of the abstract truth and scientific logic
- and of the ancient, and the permanent.
Personally, if you’re asking me - Lovecraft is one of the most important modern writers
of the 20th century - a true master of gothic horror, that has given birth to everything
from The Thing, to the entirety of Stephen King.
So richly detailed is his horrifying multiverse, that we thought we’d have to throw two of
it’s most terrifyingly twisted cosmic entities into a ring and make them hypothetically battle
it out to the death.
Well - as dead as an all-powerful Outer God can get, I guess.
We have to first outline the parameters of an Outer God - and the very much malleable
power that comes with being a cosmically significant entity.
Generally speaking, an Outer God is located beyond the confines of Earth and the wider
solar system - where they exert their influence from the persistent mystery of deep space.
They are not to be confused with the Great Old Ones - unique, malignant beings of immense
power that once presided over Earth as gods and rulers.
In other words, Cthulhu and his gang are the thugs - and the Outer Gods are La Cosa Nostra.
It’s an important distinction - else this battle would just be two giant tentacles fighting
in an ancient temple.
First stepping into the ring, we have Azathoth.
The Blind Idiot God, the Nuclear Chaos.
The Deamon Sultan, the Deep Dark and the Cold One.
He is a creature of many names, and many shimmering faces.
In actuality, this flailing meatball is pretty hard to pin down - and there can be no definite
description of Azathoth because everybody envisions him differently, and he’s always
changing.
There’s even an allusion that Azathoth is a supermassive black hole at the center of
the Milky Way galaxy, otherwise known as Sagittarius A.
According to The Dreams in the Witch House, Azathoth sits on the throne at the centre
of ultimate Chaos where the thine flutes pipe mindlessly.
He is an immortal primal horror too horrible for description - he is omnipresent and possesses
the power to warp reality itself.
A pretty tough match then, for our boy Yog-Sothoth.
The Beyond One.
The Key and The Gate.
The Lurker at the Threshold.
Well - kinda, because we’ve also got to lay down the fact that these guys are all
part of the same messed up cosmic family.
Picture it like an episode of Ricki Lake - then it’s a little easier to visualise how this
behemoth of a battle would go down.
Yog-Sothoth is actually the grandchild of Azathoth - who was born of The Nameless Mist
- an ancient Outer God that emerged through Azathoth via cosmic fission.
Pretty messed up, right?
Although his appearance is ever-changing through Lovecraftian fiction, it’s generally agreed
that Yog-Sothoth has a distinct style - a mass of glowing orbs, with eyes and tendrils.
The kicker though - it is heavily implied that Yog-Sothoth is omniscient, and is locked
outside of the universe - meaning he can know and see all of space-time, all at once - there
is absolutely no secret hidden from this guy.
He’s immortal, invulnerable, telepathic, non-corporeal and generally - a complete and
utterly hopelessly unstoppable enemy
So, then - you may ask the question - how the hell can these two immortal, omniscient
entities battle one another?
The short answer is - they can't, personally - or they /wouldn’t/ at least.
It’d be like asking who would win in a scrap between oxygen and carbon dioxide?
Born from another, unable to exist without each other, two components of the same whole.
No - where the real conflict would occur, would be their respective physical representations.
Those that worship them, who follow them in the vain hope that they won’t just gobble
their very essence and show them things that would induce incomprehensible madness.
It’d be the same old story, my eldritch horror from outer space is more powerful than
yours!
Once again, humanity would get the wrong end of the stick.
Yog-Sothoth actually has a pretty terrifying champion on his back benches.
The Dunwich Horror AKA Yog Whateley - the inhuman child of Lavinia Whateley, a human
woman who summons Yog-Sothoth via the Necronomicon and ends up pregnant with twins.
Yikes.
The Dunwich Horror is a pretty gnarly guy - and would be a formidable foe for anyone
unless they had a anti-eldritch spell at hand.
So, then - what does Azathoth have to throw at it?
Well, probably his biggest fans are the Shaggai - an alien race of pigeon-sized insects that
burrow into the skulls and brains of organic life - namely a small village called Goatswood,
where the entire place is controlled by these parasitic little guys.
The Shaggai are fanatical worshippers of Azathoth - that wish to eliminate all other deities,
considering them to be inferior or false.
So - under that assumption, it looks like we’ve got a fight on our hands!
So - who would win out of the Dunwich Horror and the Shaggai?
Well, The Shaggai of course.
They’re an entire race of technologically advanced interstellar travellers that can
possess humanity to do it’s parasitic bidding.
The poor old Dunwich Horror hasn’t got a chance.
So - Azathoth’s champion wins.
But, neither of them can die - so no one’s really a winner - but no one’s really a
loser.
So, I guess - everyone’s a winner?
Well - I don’t know, I’m surprised we’ve even got this far.
Let us know what you think in the comment box down below.
Are you a Lovecraftian fanatic?
Would you like to be consumed by the great cosmic chaos?
Speak your mind!
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You’ve been watching Life’s Biggest Questions, as always - I’ve been your host Jack Finch
- and remember, there’s no such thing as a stupid question.