(Looks like this is just another boring day for Natsuki Subaru.)
(Nothing ever exciting happens.)
Oh my GOD!
I just got transported to a fantasy world, and I'm not even gonna question it!
This is AMAZING!
I'm gonna have the greatest time EVER!
EVER!
ever!
Oh my god, they have Irishmen here!
BUY THIS FUCKING APPLE.
Oh my god, they have naked furries here!
Oh my god, they have generic thugs about to beat me up here!
Give us your FUCKING money.
FUCK. :(
Main love interest incoming~!
Hi, I'm Emili-
I'm in love with you.
Uhhhh... what?
We literally just met 5 minutes ago.
Will you be my waifu?
What the hell is a waif-
(shush)
It's already done.
I'm looking for my insignia.
I think I saw it here---
OH GOD I'M DEAD.
BUY THIS FUCKING APPLE.
Did I just not die when I got killed?
That's strange...
I've never met you before but I feel I have.
Do you ever get that feeling of déjà vu?
Shut up, Tracer.
OH GOD I'M DEAD.
BUY THIS FUCKING APPLE.
Okay, I keep dying and waking up in front of THIS guy.
So that means... [yeeesss...]
that I have the ability to.... [YEEESSS...]
*GASP*
[YEEESSS???!]
*GROANS*
NOPE. Still can't figure it out.
[Oh for fuck's sak-
You can return to a VERY specific point in time
EVERY TIME YOU DIE.]
*GASP*
I can return to a very specific point in time every time I die!
[THANK you.]
Thanks, Mr. Save Point Guy!
Actually, my name-
Mr. Save Point Guy!
I'll trade you the insignia for this phone~.
Who the hell uses flip phones anymore?
Shut the FUCK up.
You can have the insignia over my dead sexy body!
She IS pretty sexy, y'know...
SHUT UP, boner,
now's NOT the time!
Well, it's a good thing I've got a swordsman!
*explosion*
You said you were a swordsman,
not a suicide bomber!
What's the difference?
Mark my words,
you'll definitely see me again!
And we'll never see her again! -_-
We're twins who everyone thought were lesbians at first.
Yes, we're so in sync...
we can even finish each other's---
banana.
Dammit, Rem.
So what's the real difference between the two of you?
Nobody really gives a shit about me.
Let me be your butler!
Please please PLEASSSE???
You can, if you take a bath with the
creepy looking pale guy who owns this mansion.
HeeHEE~~. (anime MJ)
NO DEAL!
Well, this doesn't seem so bad.
I can get used to being a butler---
OH GOD, WHY ARE YOU KILLING ME?!?
'CUZ YOU SMELL LIKE SHIT.
IS THAT REALLY A REASON TO KILL SOMEONE??
*GASP*
*obnoxious sound when shit goes down in this series*
Are you okay?
You look like you've seen a ghost.
OR a fucking psychopath apparently.
Do you ever get that feeling of déjà vu? (--jà vu?)
(mind gets that feeling of deja vu cause calvary's here)
NO...
I never get that FUCKING feeling of déjà vu.
But you're acting like---
NEVER.
There's a curse and we need to find the source.
Will this affect Emilia?
Look, you need to calm down with this Emilia obsession.
If I said Emilia told you to jump off a cliff, would you---
(Emilias off the cliff)
I found the curse!
It was... it was the dog all along!
I-I don't get it either.
Rem.
Mhmm?
Smash.
REM...
SMASH.
(maniacal laugh)
So we're cool now, yeah?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Y-You killed me multiple times...
like, pretty fucking horribly!
People don't just FORGET that!
But I want your dick now!
Yeah we cool.
Subaru, I'm about to go to a REALLY big event
full of VERY important people.
Got it.
Really big event. Important people.
YES. So whatever you do,
DON'T come inside and do
anything you can to NOT embarrass me, got it?
Got it. Whatever I do, come inside
and do anything I can to embarrass you. ((He's somewhat right btw))
What? That's the COMPLETE opposite of what I sai---
(echoes) Hey hey hey, FUCKFACES.
WHICH ONE OF YOU COCKSUCKERS HAS BEEN SHIT TALKIN' MY WAIFU EMILIA?
(Oh for fuck's sake!)
SILENCE.
Royal candidates, introduce yourselves.
I'm the cute one~.
I'm the cool one.
I'M hot as shit,
but I'm also a massive CUNT!
I don't even know what I'm doing here.
I don't like Emilia.
How DARE you not like Emilia,
you fuzzy blue eyebrowed FUCK.
What did he just say about my eyebrows?
Look, if you all don't understand
the greatness that is Emilia,
(STOP.)
You can just stand there and listen
to My Top 100 Reasons Why Emilia is A Great Gal!
(STAHP.)
#100: She has white hair!
(I swear to God, once this ends
I'm gonna FUCKING KILL HIM.)
Emilia, Emilia, Emilia.
If you're so bloody obsessed with her...
why don't you just marry her already?
Maybe I WILL.
I did not agree to that!
Yes you did.
Enough of this farce!
You're blatantly White Knighting this girl in front of
LITERALLY HUNDREDS OF WHITE KNIGHTS.
Oh yeah?
Well...
your FACE is a white knight.
BOOYAH.
What're you gonna do?
Take me outside and teach me a less---
OW OW OW OW OW.
Yeah, you totally deserve that, you stupid asshole.
(I've had enough of this.)
(I need to tell her about my power,
even if it costs me my life, SO BE IT!)
(At least for a second, she'll know my pain!)
Emilia!
I can return by de---
*STRANGLED NOISES*
Ahhm, uhhm?
Are you okay?
I can return to
daAHAHAHAA!!
You want to return to Denny's?
You, um, you're hungry?
You want Denny's?
I can return to-
daAAAAAAHAH!!
Y-you wanna go now?
You wanna,
you wanna get something to eat real quick???
*JOKER LAUGH*
WHAT?
I'm just trying to HELP you!
You're being SUBARUDE right now!
Hey, I-I can...
thisisa-a--- *incoherent mumbling*
Are you mocking me?!
Is that it?
You think I'm STUPID!?!
*incoherent mumbling continues*
FINE.
If you wanna be such a massive DICK about it,
I'LL JUST LEAVE.
*slam jam*
Fuck my life.
If you don't want Emilia, you can always have me~.
Well, hey! I didn't know the knights had hot cat girls too!
Actually I'm a boy~!
No, you're fucking not.
No really, I'm a---
I SAID
NO
YOU'RE
FUCKING
NOT.
So is the plot gonna kick in anytime soon?
Does suffering count as plot?
No?
Too bad!
*baby wailing*
*GASP*
I just had a horrible dream!
I was suffering and there was a crazy guy who
made Rem play twister, ;~;
and then a whale ate Rem!
Oh God, Rem. Why do you keep doing this to REM??
Uh, who's Rem?
((Dammit not again))
Are you fucking serious?
Are we really doing this right no---
♪ ♫ "Don't youuuu
forget about meee" ♫ ♪
Please tell me it can't get any worse.
Don't worry, I'm sure it can't get any wors-
EHUAHUARGH
OH GOD,
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?!?
Cheer up, Subaru!
Lemme make one of the most heartfelt
speeches in recent anime to make you
feel better, cementing me as Best Girl!
Wow, I'm all BETTER now!
Also, I love you!
Fuck you!
I love Emilia!
*giggling and laughing*
WHAT!
YOU MOTHERFUCKER, I'LL KILL YOU.
Also, I love you!
I love you too!
Really?
No!
*not when I shift into maximum triggerdrive*
Look, how about we lighten up the mood
with, uh, a joke?
You have jokes in this fantasy world, right?
Sure!
Knock knock!
Who's there?
I love...
I love wh---
Emilia.
What is even so great about her??
What does she have that I DON'T?
She can smile.
AND?
S-she...can smile.
I'm not even mad. Maybe I should just
be with someone who's not as dickless as you are.
Like who?
LIKE FELIX. ((get rekt Suffaru))
*incoherent sobbing*
(Wonder what I should have for dinner tonight...)
Also, I lo---
NO. NO MORE OKAY?
But I need to tell y---
Look, whatever you want to tell me,
I promise to listen AFTER you help me.
Can it wait after that?
Fine...
Thank God!
I do love Emilia though.
*CASTRATED*
Look, I just need your help taking down a whale.
Give me one reason why I should help you.
If you agree, you can be Best Girl!
DEAL!
(Hahaaaa! Had my fingers crossed the entire time!)
Now let's kick some motherfucking whale ass!
This season on "Whale Wars"...
FUCK YOU WHALE. (repeat ad naseum)
Whale Wars.
We finally did it!
And I couldn't have done it without your help, uhh...uhhh
It's Rem.
Rem! Yeah! I knew that!
You forgot, didn't you?
Look, I'm gonna go kill Betelgeuse now,
so why don't you disappear for the rest of the season?
Alright, just please don't forget me---
I don't remember anything that just happened,
but let's kill Betelgeuse!!
I'm Betelgeuse.
No, I'm Betelgeuse!
No, I'M Betelgeuse!
Wait.
FUUUUUUUCKAGHUAHA
And just when we thought the suffering was over...
Don't worry...
the last respawn point shouldn't be too far away...!
(fuck you Bill Gates)
ffff
fffffff
FFFFFF
FFFFFFFFU-
Nya~!
Welcome back!
I'm still a boy by the way~.
Stop...
Stop...Fucking...
Stop...Fucking...REMINDING ME.
So what exactly is the plan now?
Alright, I just need to rip off an attack
from another anime.
Spirit... Gun!
Dude.
Not cool, man.
Don't worry, Emilia!
I'll save you!
Hold on!
Why?
WHY?
Why are you doing this all for ME?!
I don't get it!
I heard Rem is head over heels in love with you!
She'd do ANYTHING for you!
So why are you going so far just for ME?!
((Because you touch yourself at night.))
Who's Rem?
Who do you think is the biggest dickhead in the world?
Don't even think about it, just say it.
Ready? 1... 2... 3...
You.
WHAT?
Did we just become best friends?
YEP.