It makes me kind of bummed,
because I do wanna have communication with my fans
and you know, I used to be extremely personal, one-on-one,
but I find that lately it's just become really heavy.
I think people expect a lot more of me
and want me to do more, but the truth is I have to
take care of myself and take care of my mind,
the things that I'm reading and listening to,
but I knew that hopefully this would be a body of work
that people can relate to and walk through life with.
Nolan, I guess his producing name is Sir Nolan.
He and I have had a relationship since like
I started working on "Revival"
and he had this idea and he presented it to me
and I thought it was so beautiful.
Immediately he's like, this is your message.
'Cause I think anyone who knows me,
knows that I have such a heart for people
and all I wanna do is encourage people
and make people feel normal,
make people know that it's not, you know,
always gonna be okay, but that's all right,
you know, we'll all get through this,
'cause life's not gonna be perfect.
And I'm very vulnerable with my fans
and that was just, that's where it started.
That was over four years ago.
So it was a very long time,
because we weren't sure what the album
was even gonna sound like, what it was gonna be,
but I knew that this was the starting point.
So I actually made that the reference
for the rest of the four years.
The first verse is a point of exhaustion I think.
It's more like I can't keep being in this repetitive state
where it's like there's nothing happening.
So I don't even want to address this as a situation,
because it's so unhealthy.
You've been so distant from me lately.
I think it's a gradual process in any sort of relationship,
whether it's a friendship or work relationship,
there's moments where its just ran it's course.
Everybody loves this line, it's so funny.
I think it basically represents mundane.
It represents the lack of care that's around you
and for the things that you love and care about.
It's just really sad, for sure it felt like people
have been in that position before.
Everybody's just dropped the ball
and nobody's really in this,
but I did get a real toaster from Madison
and on the inside of it there was these plates
and I could put toast in it
and one would come out with a picture,
or with a face, of my face on it
and then the other one said, rare.
It's a real thing, I have it on my house right now.
I'm waiting for you upstairs,
it's kinda like I'm right here
and I'm not saying I'm better or worse,
but I need someone to be right here with me.
So here's something I've struggled with
for a really long time.
First off, self-esteem and confidence
is a constant struggle for me.
It's getting better with time and age,
but it will always be something that I'm working on
and I've never been, you know,
I think recently this is the most
I've ever been vocal about, actually I deserve this
and I have a right to claim this
and I have a right to put out things
that I wanna put out and talk about the things
that I wanna talk about.
So this is the first time that I've actually said it
and the reason why is because
I didn't wanna sound like a bitch.
I didn't wanna be like, I deserve everything
and you can't have me unless I have this, this, this.
And I know that that's not the case,
that's just where my mind goes to.
So what I think is so important about this chorus
is that it's acknowledging, it's like,
hey, I don't have it all.
I'm not saying I'm perfect,
but I do know that I'm special
and I think that is a humble approach of saying,
why don't you see that I am different?
Why am I counting the reasons to be with you?
That's probably not a great thing.
In certain relationships I've heard and I've experienced
and what not that there's this thing, right?
Actually I think men and women do it, especially teenagers
and young people in love,
is there's this satisfaction out of hurting someone,
because you know that they care.
Purposefully putting someone down
because you wanna keep them, you know, at a level.
I've had someone actually say that to me before.
It's like to keep that person down,
so they never realize like, oh, I'm strong enough
to actually get out of this situation,
or I feel threatened.
And I think that we both do that.
There's like, you know, especially when you're young.
It's like that whole thing where it's like,
oh, I'm glad that, you know, you're crying over me
and that clearly you still love me
and all this stuff.
I just think it's a bit manipulative.
So this is more of like a complete stance
of like I'm not gonna beg for you.
I'm not gonna let you make me cry.
I'm not getting enough from you
and you clearly don't realize that I'm hard to find.