I'm here in Iceland where they rank number one
for gender equality, but it can't be that great.
See, you can't trust any of this landscape.
Someone needs to fix this.
Iceland is number one for gender equality.
Where do you think America ranks?
Somewhere between 70, 80.
Like 50.
OK, that's a little excessive.
So where are you?
We're 49.
Oh, it's so funny to you, ha ha ha,
laughing in your earth jacuzzi,
eating your Swedish meatballs.
You really have it all.
What is the Iceland dream?
I think we have most of our dreams.
We've got Blue Lagoon, we've got the view.
I think we've got everything.
Well, I just peed in the water, so it's not 100% perfect.
Well, almost then.
I'll tell you my Icelandic dream:
two strong men braiding my hair on a glacier.
'Course, though, my fifth grade Spanish teacher
is there too eating pancakes.
That's a weird dream.
You know, America's pretty great at some stuff.
Like what?
Like “American Ninja Warrior,” American Girl dolls,
pool floats, truck nuts.
We're definitely number one in American flag bikinis.
Why do you think America's 49?
It's such a big country.
The size difference is, of course, immense.
Size does matter.
Yeah, size does really matter.
Yeah, 'course maybe it's because of jokes like that
that we're 49th.
Yeah, I could believe that.
Size doesn't just matter to the people of Iceland,
but also to the people of number 13 on the list, Namibia.
When it comes to female representation in government,
Namibia is way up here,
like the head of this freakishly tall horse,
and America's way down here, like this slow little f**ker.
But for every seat a woman fills,
a man's butt goes unseated.
How do men feel about what's happening to their butts?
We have women who are leading as queens in our societies.
It's pretty normal for us.
-Queens? -Yes.
We have Queen Beyoncé.
So that's pretty cool.
Wow.
Yeah, so we've got queens, too.
Our vice president is a woman.
How do you feel about that?
I think great.
But don't you think you're missing out?
By having 50% of women in government,
you're kind of missing out on 50% of the wars.
I don't know. I've seen women fight.
-You have? -Yeah.
Do you watch a lot of Bravo?
No, no, I don't.
Do you watch The Daily Show?
Yeah, no, I watch it all the time.
Who's your favorite correspondent out of all of 'em?
I think Roy, yeah.
I guess you're more sexist than I thought.
No, no, pretty equal.
If a man can do it, a woman can also do what a man can do.
God bless you.
-You smell good. -Thank you.
Can we just make this last a little bit longer?
I'm a hugger.
My next stop is known for its tiny tapas and grande siestas.
Spain has accomplished so much
in a very short period of time,
but just like me in a gas station bathroom,
they aren't about to just sit down and settle in.
And when it comes to gender equality,
they too are ranked higher than us.
-Spain is 24. America's 49. -And the first?
You're basically twice as good as we are.
Yeah.
It's like Spain is Batman and Robin,
and America's just Batman, who's sexist
and tells Robin he should smile more.
Yeah, yeah.
In America women need to wake up,
to grow up, to be more conscious, yeah.
It's easy for you to stay awake
because you take three- to four-hour naps a day.
Oh, look, it's an upside down exclamation point.
What?
You can think of an all-male government -
why not of an all-women government?
Yeah.
There's a movement in America
about Nipple Free, or something like that in America, right?
Yeah, Free the Nipple.
Free the Nipple. I also had that movement in college.
Yeah, how did you like it?
It was for different reasons, but...
They're so good.
You like tortilla de patatas?
They're so tasty
yet so small, and they're free.
No, they're not free.
They're not free?
They're not.