i tell this story all the time you know even as an ancient attacher myself
um it's a tough thing to maintain it long term if i don't have some type of accountability because
the problem lays where you think you may have that under control until something triggers you
so go ahead and subscribe to the channel it's one way to give back to me give back to the channel
and it also boosts my analytics let it let youtube know hey
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people i tell this story all the time you know even as an ancient attacher myself
um it's a tough thing to maintain it long term if i don't have some type of accountability
because the problem lays where you think you have everything under control and it in this
in this level is love addiction you know being his attackers love addiction you think you may have
that under control until something triggers you i joke all the time which isn't even really a joke
i say if you think about like people who struggle with alcohol and drug addiction
um it's only a matter of time if they're not having accountability if they're not doing their
aaa or their in a if they're not participating in meetings and having somebody that's keeping them
holding them accountable it's only a matter of time before they
they relapse you know and like they're saying they in in those recovery programs you know
you're going to relapse nine ten times before you finally kick the habit and you get it right
so it's kind of along the same lines of that if they're not doing the work if they're not um
consciously aware of their behaviors and how they're showing up
and they don't have anybody to hold them accountable then it's just going to continue
the very long answer to your very short question
it's always going to be there in some way shape or form yeah so even as a secure attacher
even people that are secure attachers you you know your attachment style changes like there can be
there's different circumstances different situations different relationships that you
get into can cause for your attachment style to change because what you do is you start to pick
up on unhealthy coping mechanisms unhope unhealthy boundaries unhealthy communication skills you're
in a if you're dead center as a secure attacher and you get yourself in a relationship with
somebody that's more dismissive you're going to slide the scale a little bit and become more
anxious to try to pull that person closer to you and it doesn't happen very quickly it happens over
time you know it happens as you start to get you once you fall in love with that person and once
you fall for that person you know head over heels no because most of the time you don't really know
who a person really is until about six months three three to six months of the relationship
you know otherwise you'll be looking at that person with rose-colored glasses on here and
you're thinking that everything that they're doing is you know maybe healthy maybe normal you know
they may have a few quirks about themselves that you feel like you know i can i can handle this
i can uh i can kind of help love them out of this maybe they've struggled with something in the past
that they they're bringing into this relationship and and i'm a different person this is what we're
thinking to ourselves i'm a different person i can make this person change i can love them out
of this i can i can help heal them and even as a secure attacher what ends up happening
is you end up sliding your scale more to fit in their narrative and you completely disregard um
your own needs and sooner or later you'll end up being anxiously attached i i hear it all the time
you know people come to me and they say you know court before this relationship i was secure
like i didn't have a care in the world i was dating different people um this person came
along and just really drew me off of my center i was like yeah that's because you have this
secondary attachment style once it gets triggered you know doing whatever situation you're going
through that's why you end up struggling and you're reaching out to coach court you know
and for the people who are more avoidant they typically don't once that secondary style gets
activated they typically don't reach out don't forget you know if you guys are interested in
doing monthly coaching with me one-on-one it is 70 off my original coaching prices if you sign up
either through the youtube membership or you sign up through the uh patreon i recommend you guys
sign up through patreon just in case something happened with youtube just in case youtube say hey
we don't we don't like coach court anymore you'll still be able to get access to me through patreon
or through my website or through my email so i appreciate you guys as always uh happy monday
love all you guys i hope you're able to heal your heart heal your soul because you know when
you lose somebody feel like you lost your soul mate and that hits different when you feel like
you've lost your soul mate that hits way different than somebody that you're just seeing casually
so i'm here with you hope you guys are able to heal your hearts look at anything you need watch
any type of video you can that's going to resonate with you you know that's one thing i learned
um there are certain certain coaches certain uh teachers and lecturers that just you know their
voice it just it sits with you you know so whoever you need to listen to to get you through this
this uh tough time in your life i know using friends and family or those people then go up
do what you got to do all right happy monday again have a good week love all you guys