Guard: Isn't there usually a conductor or something?
Biggs: AVALAAAAANCHE!!! CQC!
Wedge: Jessie did the dentist give you a root canal or a punch in the face?!?!
Barret: Alright blondie...
it's showtime!
Cloud: Showtime, then I guess I better perform!
Barret: Hmmmmmmmm mother of God...
Okay. The plan is, ya gonna hide the bodies!
Aaaaand?
Cloud: I'm sorry, could you repeat that la-
Barret: -Not get into any trouble! Dat's right!
Now biggity-bounce to it baby!
Tifa your friend is killing me...
Cloud: Like you guys killed these guards?
Shinra SOLDIER: Outta the way sir that man killed two guards!
Cloud: Oh, come on!
N-now I know this looks bad-
augh!
A little bit trigger-happy, but, ok anyways, uh, as I was saying--
Could you not shoot me?!?
You made me do this!!
HYAAAAAAAAAA--!!
Self defense...
Biggs: Hey uh... new guy, you take care of the bodies?
Cloud: Yep all four o' them.
Cloud: Yeah that's right! You uh... you guys!
Biggs: Wait, you don't know our names?
Cloud: (scoffs) Y-you never asked my name!
It's...
Cloud!
Barret: Cloud, huh?
Is that because you rain on everyone's parade?
Cloud: Noooo, those are Squalls, and no one likes those.
Biggs: Jessie, was the alley dentist really worth what you saved?
Barret: Hey blondie...
Cloud: What?
Barret: Don't f*** up...
Cause if ya do f*** up, ya gonna have to answer to me!
And being Tifa's bestie will not save you from the wrath of Barret!
Now hurry up. We have to take care of this place.
Cloud: Why?
What's wrong with this place?
Cloud: Okay can you guys fill me in on what's going on?
Barret: Lemme ask you, blondie... Do you even know what this factory does?
Cloud: Uhh, provides zero-emission, eco-green energy!
Barret: Oh yeah? Really? Then what exactly is that green smoke coming out of the chimney stack?
Cloud: Well that's obviously the zero-emissi- um, uh... aww shit.
Barret: That's right blondie! We are gonna make Shinra pay for their transgressions against the common people...
Polluting the lower city to make a quick buck!
By God Almighty there will be an AVALANCHE of justice!
Cloud: A-and uhh, how exactly u-uh are we gonna-
Barret: We're gonna blow this motherf***er up.
Cloud: Ohhhhhhh... Y-ye... yay!
Barret: Tifa did fill you in on this, right?
Cloud: All she said was,
"Hey Cloud! Can you do me a solid, it'll be SUPER EASY!"
Biggs: To be fair, all we have to do is hack into the doors and plant a bomb in the reactor core...
Cloud: Yeah! That does sound super easy!
Barret: And guess who's plantin' the bomb?
Cloud: Ughhhhh....
me.
Barret: And guess who's comin with you?
Cloud: Ohhhhh....
you.
Barret: That's right! I'm gonna be like a spirit animal, givin you advice!
Ask me what you should do!
Cloud: Spirit animal, what should I d-
Barret: Don't f*** up!
(squelch)
Cloud: Ahh gross!
Jessie: (groaning noises)
Cloud: Ahh gross!
Woahahohoho...
Y-you sure you need to blow this place up?
(Cough) Why not let it crumble like it seems it will any second now?
Also how do we get down?
Cloud: O-or we could find another way!
Oh God-damnit!
Augh! Afraidofheightsafraidofheights...
Nailed it!
Cloud: Kay... I don't know you well...
but those guys are right!
You reaaally need to get that checked out!
Barret: Ok! Set the timer, and plant the bomb!
(squelch)
Then we bounce like titties baby!
Cloud: Speakin' of titties, when I get back Tifa and I are gonna have a SERIOUS conversati-
Guhhguhhhhguh...
Bleahhhugh!
Barret: Whaddya mean, "bleahhugh"?
Cloud: I, heard a voice in my head just now...
Barret: What'd it say?
Cloud: It told me, to not blow this place up!
Barret: Hmmmm...
Ya makin' it up and you lyin', or you crazy.
Cloud: Ah-
Barret: Really crazy! Like, "I don't trust you with the bomb" crazy!
Cloud: Wh-well then!
It's a good thing that I'm not crazy! ahahahaha!
Barret: Good! Now just do as I told ya,
and don't f*** up!
Intercom: Shinra security breach!
Four bodies found at the Mako Factory train station!
Barret: DID YOU F*** UP?!?
Intercom: Deploying Mako Core Security Death Laser Robot.
Cloud: I might've f***ed up, yes!
Barret: Alright blondie!
Show me what'cha got!
Cloud: Time to cut this bucket of bolts down to size!
[Pathetic Clunk]
Barret: Wow.
Cloud: I know, my skills are one-of-a-kind!
Barret: Are they really?
Cloud: What? Not sold?
Then check this out!
[Ineffective Clunk]
Barret: That will not work!
That DOES not work!
Cloud: Trust me!
[Tink]
I was in SOLDIER!
Barret: Right now, that fact is scarin' me!
And these robots? They can literally sense fear!
There you see that?
It knows I'm afraid!
Cloud: Okay so, uh-um-ah, what should we do then?
Barret: TRY!
SOMETHING!
DIFFERENT!
Cloud: Alright! Uhm maybe this will work!
And that is how I roll-
Barret: THAT IS HOW IT'S DONE!
Cloud: Wow! who would've thought lightning could hurt a robot?
Barret: Anyone!
Everyone would think to do that!
Now insert the wires...
Cloud: I know!
Barret: Make sure the charges are set!
Cloud: I know!!
Barret: Now, set the timer...
Cloud: I-I don't need you micro-managing me okay?
Barret: OH REALLY?
Because after the events of today,
I would have to respectfully disagree!
Now set the timer...
Cloud: I know what I'm doing!
Barret: That is an opinion you are having!
Now set it to ten minutes!
Cloud: FINE!
[Timer Activating]
Barret: Ohhhhhh...
Cloud: Shit!
Barret: Do no-
Cloud: I can fix this...
Barret: Do not-
Cloud: I CAN FIX THIS!
Barret: -touch it again-!
[Timer Reactivating]
Barret: (breathes in)
OHHHHHHHHGH....
Cloud: aaaaaAAAAAAAHHH!
Cloud: I DONT CARE IF YOU WANNA F*** WE GOTTA GO!!
WHAT?!?!
OHGODOHGODOHGOD...
AH F***!!
NO TIME FOR THIS!
Barret: RUN!!
Wedge: Hey, how'd the mission go?
Biggs: Uh, I think something went wrong!
Barret: BLONDIE F****ED UP!
Cloud: I did NOTHING wrong!
Oh my God! GET UP!
Cloud: Agh, ow, oh...
Nailed it.
Barret: Hup!
Everyone ok?
Wedge: oooOOOOahhahhaahaa!!
MY ASS!
POOPING WILL NOW BE A TRIAL!
Barret: Okay, mission, complete... I guess?
Ok whatever.
Now, you all know the plan.
We meet at the rendezvous port.
Cloud: Hey, uh... I don't know where that is?
Barret: Oh, you don't?
Cloud: Yeah i-if you could fill me in on that, that'd be really hel- uh...
Oh okay I was ditched...
God damnit Tifa you're friends are killing me..