Hey everybody.
Happy Thursday.
If you're new to my channel, welcome.
Make sure you subscribe and turn your notifications on
because I put out videos twice a week,
and you don't wanna miss them.
But let's jump into today's question.
Hey Kati.
I recently started therapy and I find it impossible
to make eye contact with my therapist.
Do you find it harder to connect
with your clients if they don't make eye contact?
Do you think it affects the recovery process?
Thank you for taking time out
of your week to make these videos.
They're super helpful.
You're very welcome.
I'm glad you're finding them helpful.
Now the first thing that I wanna address is the fact
that making eye contact in therapy can be difficult
for a lot of different reasons.
Number one, many of my clients on the autism spectrum
find it really difficult to make eye contact in general.
Second, if we're talking about a trauma,
or talking about something that's embarrassing,
maybe something that we haven't said to someone before,
making eye contact while we talk about
that thing is nearly impossible.
And I say all that just to let you know that it's normal.
Nothing's wrong with you.
A lot of people struggle to make eye contact in therapy.
Now the first portion of this question,
she asks if it makes it harder for me to connect
with my clients if they're unable to make eye contact.
And the truth of it is, not really.
And I say not really because if a client
can't make eye contact when they're talking through a trauma
or something difficult, that's okay,
and that's something that we'll work on.
And I will encourage them,
I've done this with many my clients.
I'll encourage them to move their eye contact
a little bit closer to me slowly but surely.
Sometimes I'll say look at the table next to me.
Do you see that figurine there?
And it's kind of done partially as a way
to help them move closer to making eye contact,
but it's also a way to keep them grounded.
To make sure that they're with me
while they're talking about the trauma,
or the abuse or anything that happened
that maybe making the eye contact difficult.
However, if a client isn't able to make eye contact ever,
it can be difficult in my practice in an outpatient basis.
I do not specialize in autism spectrum by the way,
which I believe would be a little bit different.
And it's a whole different specialty.
But in my practice, if a client was unable
to make eye contact at all, it would be difficult
for me to feel connected to them,
and to make sure that they're okay.
That they're not dissociating.
To know when things are hard or easy
because if they're next making eye contact,
it's really hard for me to read them.
But that being said I could play devil's advocate to myself
and say well body language can tell me a lot as well,
but eye contact is just a little extra
that helps me better understand where they're coming from.
Listening to them.
Feeling connected with them.
And like it gives me all the information
so I can help them the best that I can.
Does that make sense?
I know it's kind of difficult,
but think of talking to someone
and them not making any eye contact with you.
It can be really difficult to you know,
we sometimes try to make eye contact and like hey.
Do you get that?
Does that make sense?
And I do a lot of check ins with my clients
when I'm giving homework to ensure
that they hear me, that they understand,
and we're on the same page.
And a lot of that is done through eye contact.
Now to move into the second portion of the question,
she asks if it can affect the recovery process.
So a lack of eye contact, can it make recovery slower?
And it kind of depends on the patient.
But my short answer would be yes and the reason for that
is because eye contact is so grounding.
Like I said I use it with a lot
of my clients as a grounding technique.
To make sure that they're present and they're with me.
It allows me to check in more quickly,
so that I don't let them become dissociated
for a really, really long time.
And if we are dissociating for many of you
who've been watching a lot of my videos for years,
you know that I've talked about how if we are dissociating,
we're not able to process through the trauma,
because essentially we're not present.
And so if I can't check in with my clients,
then while we're working through the trauma,
or working on the recovery
from whatever they're struggling with,
I won't know if they're really with me.
I won't know if they're actually processing through,
and hearing what I say and understanding.
We could potentially work on
different body language techniques for them to be able
to express to me that they are listening and are present,
but it just makes it a little more difficult.
And it can, therefore, slow down the whole recovery process.
Overall I hope that you hear that struggling
to make eye contact is completely normal.
It canmake us feel really vulnerable.
When we look someone in the eyes for a length of time,
it can makes us feel connected and that can be scary.
It can also be scary to look someone in the eyes
and tell them something embarrassing or shameful.
So know that it's normal and it's okay.
What I hope this video does is encourage you
to at least try to make eye contact,
because it's something maybe it's like muscle
we have to work out and make it stronger.
It's something we're gonna have
to work on with our therapist.
And the cool thing about therapy is that it's a great place
to practice those relationship skills.
Things maybe we're not great at,
or we don't really know how to do,
but we really wanna learn.
And it's a safe place to do that.
So if you find yourself struggling, bring it up in therapy.
Maybe write it down and just read from it,
if it's hard for you to say it out loud and look at them.
If that's the struggle, maybe just reading.
Keep your eyes on the page could maybe
make it feel a little more safe
so you can get out what maybe's causing it.
What your worries are.
If it's always been a struggle for you.
It's something that we should
communicate with our therapist,
because then and only then can our therapist
gives us tools and tips and tricks
and ways to enable us to make eye contact,
and feel safe doing it.
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click the link in the description and check it out.
As always though, leave in the comments.
Are there things that you've done
with your therapist or in your own life
to help you be more comfortable with eye contact?
Or are there other reasons I missed
as to why it's really hard for you?
Let me know.
And I will see you next time.
Bye.