How do you ensure that you get that second date?
What do you do if the guy that you met online is married and why can't you break up properly?
Welcome to Ask Mark.
It's week number 75 from beautiful Christchurch, sunniest place in the world and it's great
to have you here.
Hey, join the Facebook group.
The first question is actually from the Facebook group and don't forget about the Academy as
well.
I've got monthly talkback webinars going in there, so check that out in the link below.
As I said, first question is from Sarah.
I'm going to walk forward to read it She says, hi ladies, Mark and Brett.
I've been on a date, I've just been on a date and I was so nervous prior to the date, the
most nervous I've ever been.
The date was great.
There was no awkwardness.
He was lovely company.
Few flirty eye contact, but that's it.
When we say goodbye, he was like, okay, thanks for the night and yeah, so bye, ha.
He was going to meet his friends afterwards, so I don't know if there is a second date
or not.
I would like one but I'm not sure on his end.
Confused.
By the way, to add a bit of context, there was actually a quick text exchange that happened
after, which I'll bring up for you now.
Sarah said or they exchange quick couple of messages, which was simply this back home?
Yeah, I'm home. All right.
Enjoy your night.
You too.
So that's where we're at at the moment.
Here's the central question about getting a second date.
Did you communicate the green lights?
Did you make it clear you want one?
The guy during the date is either going to like you or he won't and then he's going to
decide if you like him or you don't.
And decide whether he asks you on another date based on that.
First problem, does he like you or does he not?
Now, I can't necessarily tell from Sarah's writings here.
There's not enough detail.
I've been both guys.
Okay.
I've been the guy that went on a date and was too shy to do anything, thought she
wasn't into it.
Sorry if there's any mic noise.
And I've also been the guy who just went on date and wasn't feeling it and just said,
Hey, thanks for the night.
That's it.
So I've been both of those guys.
You want to make sure that you're doing your best to make the guy the first guy, right?
So that he likes you.
So I'm asking Sarah, what was his body language like?
Was he touching you?
Was he going for the kiss at the end?
Was he doing these things to show that he liked you?
If yes, then we can move on.
If no, then it's a lost cause you're probably not getting the second date.
If yes, Sarah green lights, did you give them?
Verbal?
Nonverbal?
Nonverbal is more subjective.
Right throughout the date.
Was he getting the impression that you were into him?
If you're worried your nonverbals weren't clear enough, you go to verbal.
That's how you ensure you get the second date, assuming the guy is into you.
So verbal can be, at the end of the day, it's simply saying, Hey, I had heaps of fun with you.
Have a blast with your friends, be great to do it again.
Boom, greenlight right?
Even the dumbest guy in the world can figure that out.
Or if you miss that opportunity, do it via texts later on.
Hey, had so much fun with you.
Thanks for a great night.
Look forward to chatting again.
If you're worried that your nonverbal green lights weren't strong enough, give him a verbal
one either in person at the end of the date or via text afterwards.
It's really that simple.
That'll get you the date, Sarah in your position now, since those times have already passed
on, leave it for right now.
Give it a few days and then if you hear nothing, go for the inside joke.
Ask him how his week is, so I reference something from your date, something funny, something
cute, talk about that and then ask him how his week is going.
That shows a lot of interest.
That guy will hopefully get it through his head from that.
Continue the conversation and if he doesn't hear to catching up again, you can gauge his
response. You either get it or you don't from there.
Done.
Uh, love it.
Good question. Good question, Sarah.
Let's go forward to the next one.
The next question is from Carina.
Carina says, hi.
I broke up with him about three months ago.
Right?
Right now we are talking a couple of times a week by Skype and also live two to three
times since the break up.
When I'm calling him, he is very happy, like he initiated a lot of physical contact.
He flirted a lot, but it's not really initiating contact himself or if he does, it's only the
second day after I've reached out to him the day before.
What should I do in order to be involved again?
He said a few weeks ago that may be in the future after one to two months, we should
try again.
Should I ask him to meet up again?
Last time it was really great.
Thank you.
Uh, and waiting for your response.
Again.
I apologize if there's mic noises, there's a little bit of wind.
Carina, you're terrible at breaking up.
Why are you breaking up with him and then contacting him?
If you break his heart, it's on you to then stop contacting him, right?
If you two change your mind, if you decide you want to do things again, inviting in person
and let him know that.
At this stage it sounds like he doesn't, so it's telling you to stop initiating the contact,
take your breakup seriously.
If you're going to break up with someone, do it the hard way, go the no contact, do
it properly, let yourself grieve and then you can see you still want that person back.
If you do, you can go back to them or even be friends later.
Right now, you two are in no man's land.
Let's go to final question.
Katie says, well, I met a guy online and we've been chatting for six months.
We decided to meet last week and hit it off straight away.
The only thing is he has married, I did not know this until I saw the ring.
He is convinced that he told me, Oh, just swear I told ya, but it's, I'd have remembered
something like that.
Uh, we have great chemistry.
What am I going to do?
Okay.
The answer is fairly obvious here Katie, let him go.
Get out of there.
Run forest, run.
You have to leave it.
I bring this question up because it rises.
The more important point.
Don't do six months without meeting.
Don't do it.
Okay, and if you're doing it because he's someone overseas, talk to 50 other guys during
that time as well.
Katie's put all her eggs in one basket here.
Dude's marriage.
She's wasted so much time.
If you're going to meet people online, you can't date them online, you can meet them online.
Get on the phone quickly, meet them quickly.
If you're going to waste time, make it two weeks instead of six months.
Learn here from Katie's lesson.
Katie, I hope you, I hope you learned your lesson too.
That's the video.
Thank you for watching.
Join me in the Facebook group.
It me and Brett are in there.
Jermia is in there.
All the master coaches.
Check out the Academy.
It's phenomenal and growing every week, so get in there before the talk backs get really
big.
Hit the big red subscribe button with the little bell and give the video a thumbs up.
Thank you so much for watching.
Thank you, New Zealand.
It's beautiful, beautiful place, and I look forward to seeing you next week.
[Music]