-Tracy Morgan!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Tracy. Tracy. Tracy.
Always such a joy. -That was a lot of love, man.
-I feel like a magical black dude.
-Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I feel magical.
I feel like the black dude from "Green Mile."
-You feel like that?
-I could just touch a white dude and feel his senses.
-A healing hand? Oh, my gosh. My cold just left.
-Cure your syphilis. Yeah. -Oh, my God.
[ Laughter ]
There go the bugs. There go the bugs.
You're turning 50 on Saturday. -Yeah. I'm 50. Yeah.
-Happy birthday, man.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I'm joining the 5-0 club, dog.
How old are you? You young.
-44. 44. -You young.
-Yeah. -You got another four more years
before you suffer from E.D.
-What? [ Laughter ]
-Better start taking them blue pills.
-Yeah, yeah.
So, you had that happen to you at 48?
-No. -Okay, gotcha.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, that's your --- that's your analysis of me.
-I'm still making babies.
-Oh, yeah. That's right. You got a 5-year-old.
-Yeah, she's 5, man. Yeah.
She's 5 going on 50. -Uh-huh.
I see her teeth -- the first tooth came out.
-She lost a tooth. -Yeah.
And I put a dollar under her pillow.
-That's very nice.
-And she complained the next morning.
-what?
-She said, "My daddy got hit by a Walmart truck,
and this all I get?
[ Laughter ]
Where's my Birkin bag?"
-She wanted a Birkin bag.
-She want a Hermes bag.
-What'd she do for Halloween? How was your Halloween?
-Oh, man. I don't know, man.
These kids today, they crazy, man.
A kid knocked on my door for candy. Right?
And he was supposed to be a ghost and his sheet was black.
-Uh-huh.
-I said, "What you supposed to be?"
He said, "I'm a ghost." I said, "Why your sheet black?"
He said, "I'm keeping it real."
[ Laughter ]
Those holidays, man. -Thanksgiving is coming up.
You got plans?
-Thanksgiving. Yeah, Thanksgiving coming up.
Yeah, we plan -- I plan on eating.
-Okay, that's good.
[ Laughter ]
-That's it. -That's it.
That's all I'm gonna do, eat.
I'm not saying grace this year.
Last year, my grandmother slipped up
and let my uncle say grace.
He just did 25 years in prison. -Okay.
-So, he said grace like he was still in prison.
It's institutionalized.
-What does grace in prison sound like?
-He just said, "Who's that dude over there?"
I said, "that's my uncle. Your brother.
You don't cut meat with a shank.
[ Laughter ]
Take the razor blade out your mouth!"
[ Laughter ]
-Christmas. -What do you for Christmas?
-I don't lie to my kids. Okay? That's what I don't do.
-You don't lie? -No.
Ain't no fat, jolly white dude bring you nothing!
[ Laughter ]
You know what your mother had to do for you
to get that Easy-Bake Oven?
[ Laughter ]
You better play with that toy until you're 40.
[ Laughter ]
-You live in New Jersey now. Correct?
-Yeah, why? -Nice neighborhood?
-Anybody asking about it? -What?
-The government asking you about it?
-No.
-Government always on my ass around tax time.
-Do you know your neighbors? -Oh, man.
I live in a very affluent neighborhood.
-Okay. -Yeah.
I live in Alpine, New Jersey.
My neighbor -- one of my neighbors
is the CEO of Pepsi.
-Wow. -CEO of Pepsi.
When we moved in, she came over with a gift basket.
I was like, "Oh, wow. This is beautiful.
Thank you for welcoming me and my family
into your neighborhood." And she was warm and kind,
and I let her know it would be an honor for me to one day
get hit by one of your trucks.
-Wow, that's --
[ Laughter ]
-I did. I did.
[ Applause ]
I did. Be an honor.
It would be an honor.
-Hey, your show "The Last O.G." coming back for a second season.
A fantastic show. Congratulations.
-I love the work we did. Thank you.
That's ripped right from my life.
-Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Ripped right from my life.
-Season two spends a lot of time dealing with gentrification.
-Yeah. -Is that something that
you remember happening in your neighborhood?
-Nah. When i was coming up in the neighborhood,
that wasn't happening. -Okay.
-You know? It's different now.
White people moving in. We moving out.
The other day, I was in Harlem,
and I seen a white family going down the street
pushing a stroller whistling.
I'm black and I was scared to death to grow up there.
[ Laughter ]
And plus, I don't even know how to whistle.
[ Laughter ]
Black people, we just ain't happy enough to whistle.
We've ain't never been happy enough. To whistle.
-You're married, obviously. You have a beautiful wife.
-Uh-huh, my wife is a dime.
-Yeah. -You see, you go on Instagram,
you see my wife is beautiful. She biracial.
-Your wife is biracial. -Yeah. She's a dime.
She ain't a nickel and five pennies.
-Uh-huh. -She ain't ten pennies.
She's a dime. -Gotcha.
-Biracial. Oh, man. You know my first words when I met her?
-What was that? -You're going to get pregnant.
-Oh, yeah. [ Laughter ]
-You're going to get pregnant. -Now...
-I tell you the truth, man. You know --- you know me, man.
I'm old school. I don't pull out.
[ Laughter ]
-I -- -I'm old school, B.
I'm like prison. When I come in, I come in.
[ Laughter ]
I don't believe it when -- No! No!
I don't believe in when -- I don't believe in wearing
no condoms on the first date. [ Laughter ]
If you ain't willing to die for it,
you really didn't want it.
[ Laughter ]
My wife is half-white and half-black.
So, before we make love, I take a knee.
Now, just to let the white side of her know black lives matter.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ] Black lives matter.
[ Laughter ]
Play no games. That's my baby girl.
I love my wife. I love you, Megan.
-That's very sweet.