- So, what can you do if the guy you're seeing
isn't calling as much as you'd like, isn't texting as much,
maybe the dates are sporadic?
You see him and have this amazing date
but then there's periods of time
where you're not really hearing from him
but every time you get together, it's amazing.
What can you do
if he's not prioritizing the relationship
to change that result?
That's exactly what we're gonna talk about today.
Keep watching.
(bright music)
Hey there, my name is Mat Boggs,
and I am the founder of the Love and Relationship division
of the Brave Thinking Institute,
where our mission is empowering you
to create and live a life you love living
and that includes your love life.
And so, today we're talking
about how do you change the result
when a guy you like, a guy you're seeing,
isn't prioritizing the relationship,
isn't investing as much as you would like?
Well, there's an old saying that says,
"We teach people how to treat us
by the treatment we're willing to accept."
If a guy isn't prioritizing the relationship
and you're still seeing him,
it's because you're allowing that treatment
in the relationship.
If you want the relationship to change,
then you have got to change the treatment
that you're willing to accept.
If you want him to value you more,
then you've got to start valuing yourself more.
So, how do you do that?
Well, there are four habits, four practices,
that when you practice these habits,
if there's any chance that he will change, then he will.
And if he doesn't step up, then he will step out
so the right guy can step in.
So, here's habit number one.
Decide on your non-negotiables.
What are your non-negotiables
as far as the quality of the relationship
in order for you to even entertain going out with this guy,
for you to even entertain seeing him again,
for you to even entertain responding to his texts?
It is so important for you to be clear on this.
In other words, where does the relationship have to be?
Otherwise, you would just prefer to be alone.
I would rather be alone than be in a relationship
that wasn't meeting this standard.
Imagine this scenario for a moment.
Imagine a woman goes to a nice restaurant.
She sits down and she orders a beautiful meal.
Imagine your favorite meal, whatever that is.
If it's nice salmon and vegetables, or a steak or pasta.
Whatever it is, your favorite meal.
Imagine she's ordered that meal,
and this handsome waiter comes
and he puts the plate down in front of her
and there's breadcrumbs on the plate.
There's breadcrumbs.
How this woman responds to that moment
says a lot about how she values herself.
What does she do?
Does she just thank him and say, "Oh, thank you so much,"
and eat these breadcrumbs,
and then, just hang out in the restaurant,
waiting, hoping that if she sits there long enough,
maybe then later he will bring her
the meal that she actually ordered?
The chance of that happening, not likely.
Now, I know what you might be thinking,
which is, "Well, Mat, timing does matter.
"What if this guy's just really busy
and it's work-related and I know that period's gonna end,
and then, he's gonna step up."
Well, let me share with you a tool:
If it's been more than a month,
and this behavior is still going on,
it ain't the timing, it's the way he is,
it's how he values the relationship.
If you want him to change how he values the relationship
then you've got to change accepting treatment
that you don't want, or is less than you deserve.
In other words, you've gotta stop taking breadcrumbs.
Number two: Speak your standards.
Tell him what it is that you want.
Now, as I share this,
there might be a part of you that is like, "What?
"I actually have to tell him what I want?"
And there's a part of you,
maybe your stomach tightens a little bit.
Notice that.
If that's happening, that's good.
That means you're moving energy.
And you gotta ask yourself,
"What is it in me that feels tight or nervous
about speaking my standards?"
And it almost always comes down to the fear of loss.
You don't wanna lose him, you don't wanna scare him off
by speaking what you really want
because you think he might not be able to give it to you.
But I challenge you to challenge that fear.
Challenge the fear that says, "I'm scared to lose a man
who's not giving me what I really want."
"I'm scared to lose a man
who's not giving me what I really want."
"Maybe he'll just step up on his own."
It's a fantasy to think he'll step up on his own.
Men will step up when the woman in his life
calls him to step up.
And by you speaking up,
you will demand and command his respect.
People respect those who stand up for themselves.
And there's a double benefit quite frankly,
if you're being self-assertive, standing up for yourself,
not only will he respect you more,
but you will respect you more.
Your self-confidence, your self-esteem
naturally increases when you're assertive
and you speak your standards.
But it can also be one of the hardest things to do
in a relationship.
And so, if this is something
that you would love some support with,
if you would love some support
in knowing what your non-negotiables are,
how to speak your standards,
how to come from that place of authenticity and self-esteem,
that's exactly what we cover
in the Manifest Your Man program.
I have a whole coaching program that goes deep into this.
I'll post the link in the description below.
Click that link, fill out the form, check it out.
Could be an amazing process for you.
And number 3 is: Choose to need him,
or someone better than him.
Notice the distinction.
This isn't need him, this is choose to need him.
"Choose to need him" is empowered.
Needing him comes from this place of lack.
It comes from this place of incompleteness,
it's saying, "I'm incomplete,
and I'm placing my completeness in your hands."
However, choosing to need him is incredibly powerful
and comes from an empowered place.
It's powerful first because men need to be needed.
Men need to feel necessary.
When a man stops feeling necessary,
when he feels irrelevant,
that man will start to die inside.
Second, choosing to help him feel necessary
comes from this place of wholeness.
It comes from this place of being empowered
because you're choosing to share your wholeness
with another man.
Two people,
great relationships are two whole people coming together,
choosing to share experiences with one another.
And so, choosing to share an experience
means that you need him for that shared experience,
because a shared experience, by definition,
you cannot do by yourself, because it's shared.
So, you're choosing to create a shared experience
from your wholeness, with this whole amazing man.
And when you couple this with a standard saying,
"I'm choosing you or someone even better than you,"
that is incredibly powerful,
because it's not coming from lack.
It's saying, "Look, I choose you,
and I want you to choose me back.
But if you don't choose me back, I will choose someone else
to create this amazing experience with."
So, coming from this place of choosing him
or someone better than him
will ignite him to both feel necessary,
feel needed in your life
and give him the greatest shot at stepping up
and saying, "Okay, I'm gonna be that man for you."
So, when you decide on your non-negotiables,
you speak your standards and you choose to need him,
that creates a beautiful, powerful beingness
that gives him the greatest chance of stepping up.
Now, if he doesn't step up,
you're gonna learn that early on,
you're gonna save yourself all kinds of time
that you would have otherwise wasted
with a man who will never step up,
and you open yourself to the right man
who will both step in and step up.
And let me ask you a question.
When the relationship isn't being prioritized,
what action have you taken
to create the result that you want?
Post that in the comment section below.
I appreciate you.
Thanks for watching, and I'll see you soon.
(cheerful music)