Welcome back to The Whirlpool, where fibs and fabrications are pulled under and drowned.
I’m Michael Whirly.
Due to our fallen state dating back to the original sin of the woman Eve, and the fact
that the world only continues to decay and grow more sinful as time passes, we can conclude,
rationally and objectively, that things were better back when I was a child.
One of the most noticeable differences between then and now is in the make-up of our disgusting
and godless “popular culture.”
When I was a child, films and television programs depicting “superheroes” were relatively
few and far between.
Outside of children’s cartoons, there were only a handful of superhero shows: Wonder
Woman, The Incredible Hulk, Superboy — a show founded on a flagrant and shameless lie:
he was clearly a grown man.
But in the late 1980s, as the strong and noble Reagan era was drawing to a close and the
black and Satanic Clinton era was looming on the horizon, a change began to occur.
Hollywood, that generation of vipers, produced a superhero movie about a rich man whose parents
have been murdered, who uses his resources to fight back.
Does he donate his wealth to a godly church?
No — though to be fair, the One True Church does not seem to exist in the fictional world
of the film, so he didn’t have the option.
Instead, he spends his fortune on a costume, an indestructible car, a custom-built airplane,
and an arsenal of weapons all designed around the single theme of a bat.
The movie, the title of which escapes me at the moment, was a hit, spawning sequels and
imitators for years to come.
In the early 2000s, just as this “superhero craze” was finally beginning to wane, another
movie, this one about a teenager who acquires superhuman abilities after suffering a bite
from a mutated spider, was released to record-breaking box office receipts and glowing reviews from
the bought-and-paid-for apparatchiks in the Hollywood press, winding up the superhero
fad all over again!
And today, over a decade and a half after the premiere of that super-spider-person movie,
the superhero fad has still yet to wane.
The top-grossing films domestically for five of the last ten years have been superhero
films.
Just this week the television network The CW aired the conclusion to its “Crisis on
Infinite Earths” series, which dramatized a team of superpowered heroes rescuing a “multiverse”
from a catastrophic threat.
I’m sure the addle-brained apes (metaphorically speaking, of course) who watched found it
very entertaining, but the real catastrophic threat as I see it is coming from shows like
that!
For what is it that these superhero stories all show us?
A world filled with people capable of doing extraordinary things that defy all logical
explanation.
Who could believe such nonsense?
Only Our Heavenly Father, his prophets, his son Jesus Christ, his disciples, and priests
of the One True Church can work miracles!
But instead of celebrating and elevating God and his righteous servants, superhero stories
invite us to idolize aliens, genetic mutants, and irradiated accident victims, as though
they are the role models according to which we should live our lives.
Let me ask you this: who would you rather your children emulate?
That sanctimonious phony Captain America?
Or Almighty God?
Instead of allowing your children to read comic books filled with violence and rampant
immorality, let them read the Bible.
You might be surprised at how much of a difference you see.
Hello, faithful Whirlpool viewer.
Michael Whirly here once again.
As you’ve heard over the past few weeks, in the aftermath of the arrest of former Archbishop
of Wilkes-Barre Angelicus II and most of the rest of the leadership of the One True Church,
the results of a campaign of unfounded persecution carried out by the United States government,
it has become increasingly difficult to attract sponsors for The Whirlpool.
Sponsors are essential to the continued production of this series.
That’s why I’m pleased to announce an exciting service I’m offering to new Whirlpool
advertisers starting right now.
We will still be accepting traditional advertisements from approved sponsors.
But from now on, I will also be reading customized messages from paying sponsors.
So if you have a message you want people to hear, you can spread that message through
my voice, the voice of independence and integrity.
Contact us here at The Whirlpool for pricing information, and God bless you.
Of course, that these superheroes are such embodiments of all that is blasphemous should
not surprise us.
For, just as all sin can be traced back to that first act of rebellion in the Garden
of Eden, so too have all superheroes descended from a single ancestor.
I am referring, of course, to the first and worst of the superheroes: Superman — an
illegal immigrant who lives a life of willful deception, works as a journalist in the left-wing
fake-news big city media, misrepresents himself as a natural-born American to his colleagues,
uses the advantages of his super powers and dual identity to seduce an Earth woman, and
wages a never-ending battle against a wealthy job creator whose only real crime is threatening
to expose the threat posed by this alien invader to the rest of the world!
And as if this character wasn’t repulsive enough already, I am also told that he is
intended to be a metaphorical representation of none other than Our Lord and Savior Jesus
Christ!
If true, this is an outrage beyond all outrages.
Superman, in case you didn’t know, was created by Jews.
What would Jews know about Jesus Christ?
They, the descendants of the people who wrote the Old Testament, don’t even believe he
was the Son of God!
What does that tell you?
That ignorance is borne out by the poor craftsmanship of the character.
Jesus Christ healed the sick and cast out demons as a demonstration of his power, so
that the common people would know to worship him.
Superman, on the other hand, spends most of his time hiding behind his secret identity,
and in many versions is even shown to actively discourage people from praising him like a
god-king.
Jesus Christ proclaimed that only those who believed in him would enter the Kingdom of
Heaven.
Superman uses his powers to help anyone in need of his assistance, whether they beg for
him to save their lives or not!
If it were up to Superman, everyone would get into Heaven!
What would be the point of that?
To all those who mock Our Heavenly Father by placing their faith in these superhero
idols, I remind you of the words of Our Lord, who in the Gospel of St. Mark, Chapter 8,
declares “he that shall be ashamed of me, and of my words, in this adulterous and sinful
generation: the Son of man also will be ashamed of him, when he shall come in the glory of
his Father with the holy angels.”
Spoiler alert, heathens: there are not infinite earths.
There is one Earth, this one, the one created and ruled by the hand of God!
But there is an infinite Hell, and your suffering within it shall be everlasting.
And once you’re there, no superhero ever dreamt of in the diseased imagination of humanity
will be able to save you.
In fact, if they were real, they’d all be right there with you: burning!
For The Whirlpool, I’m Michael Whirly.