Hello, everybody
Oh, actually, let me check [if] my mic's plugged in
because I've done that before and that's a bloody ball ache!
Hi! So,
in today's video I thought it would be nice to- oh God.
It's gonna be one of those videos where the sun comes in and goes away again.
It's gonna drive me crazy!
Why you doin' this?
Nooooo, okay its going- no its not. F*ck it.
Not too long ago I did a video called... Questions I've Never Answered, or something like that,
and you guys loved it, I loved filming it,
erm, and I did say I was gonna do a part two,
so guess what!?
It's part two time.
First question is from Rebecca, who says,
"Would you still be a YouTuber if it wasn't your job and you didn't get paid for it?"
And the answer to that question is, very simply, yes, I would still be making videos if it wasn't my job and I didn't get paid,
because for a really long time, that is what I did it for.
Erm, I had previous jobs whilst I started doing YouTube, and I was getting paid no money for YouTube at all,
and I still enjoyed it just as much as I enjoy it now, so I know for sure if they took away any chance of making money from views, or...
I dunno, I lost...
11 million subscribers, I would still make videos,
because I still really enjoy it.
The fact that I'm able to make money from it is a huge, huge bonus,
but that's not what drives me to make videos.
Jess said, "If you had gone to uni, what would you have studied?"
This one's a little bit difficult because I was a very lost teen.
I did not know what i wanted to do. There was a lot of areas I enjoyed in school,
and there was a lot of subjects that I liked,
i.e., photography, art, and textiles.
I felt a bit lost because the things I enjoyed were very creative, and...
I didn't feel as though I knew the different pathways I could go
with those creative, kind of, loves of mine.
It was almost like, 'Okay if I like textiles, does that mean I have to be a fashion designer?
If I like photography I have to be a photographer.'
Erm...
and I guess that could have just been my lack of research,
or possibly just lack of careers advice in school, I'm not really sure.
I've just personally felt very lost being a creative person and not knowing exactly
what I wanted to do within those creative fields.
I did actually go to a couple of interviews for...
was it art or textiles?
I feel like it was art?
I can't actually remember. Maybe it was textiles, I think it was fashion design or something.
And I went to the interviews,
and it was actually in the interview that I realised, I didn't want to do fashion design. Basically in the interview they were like,
"Tell us why you would be great here and why you are so passionate about this." And I struggled.
And I was like, I don't really know if I am. I just feel like I've been, like, cornered into this direction,
and that was like the biggest eye opener, because in that interview I realised,
a, uni was not for me, and b, I didn't know what I wanted to do,
which was one of the biggest reasons uni wasn't for me, because I was like,
if I don't know what I wanna do, there's no point going to uni and racking up, like,
a huge student loan that I will need to pay off in the career I have no idea what- what is going to be.
So, to answer your question, Jess, I don't know
if I'd gone to uni what I would have studied, because...
I never really got to that point.
I thought I did. But I didn't.
Things I do enjoy are interior design, which I did go on to do an apprenticeship with instead of going to uni.
I dunno! I- It would have definitely been a creative subject.
I just wish I had researched more into different areas of those creative subjects.
*door bell rings*
Oh no, there's someone at the bloody door!
Filming a Q&A!
Channy said, "Do you feel that sometimes you want to live a life without YouTube and fame or otherwise?
The really short answer to this is, yes. Sometimes I would like to live that life,
but it's so deep and complex,
and the sun is so bright, damn it.
Like I said in my other video,
it's- this is such a strange topic. I was actually talking to my friend about this the other day.
And I feel ungrateful...
ever saying I don't enjoy...
the perks that have come with what I do.
It makes me feel ungrateful. And I can't help that.
And I know there'll be so many people that say,
'Of course you're allowed to have days where you don't enjoy being stopped,'
or 'Of course you're allowed to have days where you wish people didn't turn up at your house and ask for selfies.' And, like,
'Of course you're allowed to feel those things, because you never knew they would happen to you.'
But...
I still hate saying them out of my mouth. I hate...
people thinking I'm ungrateful. Because I am eternally grateful
for everything that has come out of doing this.
But of course, I would be lying if I did not say that sometimes I wish it was slightly different.
I dunno. If I'm having, like, an off day,
and I just wish my life was different for that day, or..
something happens, and I'm like,
'This is a result of what I do and I wish that didn't happen.'
But of course,
I would never change anything. I would never change how this journey has happened, or,
any of the, like,
amazingly positive, happy experiences, and
things I've been able to do, but of course there are days where...
I struggle with it.
Um...
and, yeah.
A couple of years ago,
I actually very nearly stopped. Like,
altogether stopped.
I don't think anyone would have guessed it.
Because I still vlogged, and if I wasn't vlogging, I was probably in Alfie's vlog because he films every day.
And...
I really struggled. Like, really, really struggled. I think it was the lowest point-
yeah, like, one of the lowest points of my entire life.
And it wasn't about...
this whole thing. It was more about...
me not feeling like I could handle it, or that
I was worthy of it, or...
um, and, like, the pressure of everything just got so much.
Like, I was put on this pedestal, and,
reminded daily that I was a role model, and you shouldn't do that, and you should be saying this,
and you should do that, and all those things can feel so suffocating,
um, that I nearly stopped.
Like, I was just like,
in fact, my manager was like,
'It's your call. Do you wanna pull the plug?' And I was like, 'I need to think about it.'
And that's crazy to me, that I was that close...
to stopping this. Because I wanted to just be Zoe, I think.
In that moment I got so suffocated by
everything that was going on, and, you know, am I really cut out for this? Like,
I'm quite a...
I'm a small gal from a little village, and all of a sudden it's just like, whoa, this is a lot. And...
I said no to everything, I didn't wanna do anything anymore,
and I kind of, like, retreated a bit. And...
that was a- that was hard. Because I love doing this so much.
But it was like, the more I was doing it,
the more followers I got, the more-
everything became more and more and more, and I was like,
I- I genuinely just woke up and was like, I don't want to have this many subscribers.
I- I want to go back to...
having, like, one million. One million was such a comfy, cosy-
like, that sounds so ridiculous because to some people, they could only ever dream of having a million subscribers.
But it was like, I was-
my subscribers kept growing and growing and growing, and that terrified me.
Because I was like,
If my life is already a little bit more crazy than I can handle at this many,
what's it gonna be like if it carries on growing?
And would just be like, 'I just wish I had...
a million again. Like, I just want, like, a safe number.'
Um...
Obviously now my head space is completely different. But...
yeah. I don't want anyone to, like, judge me for that.
Because I know there's gonna be people that's like, 'Oh, it's not hard, it's not hard.'
And yeah, there's always gonna be people that think, 'How could you have felt like that?' You know,
like, and I get that. And there's nothing you can say to those people.
'Cause they will always think that way. But...
if you were living as me through that time,
I think that's the only way you could have ever known what it was really like.
I don't even think, like, my friends and family really knew,
because it was all in my head.
One really cool thing that did come out of that, though,
was that I...
when I was at this point where I was struggling with the, like,
fame stuff, I hate the word 'fame,' and, like, 'famous', but,
when I was struggling with that stuff, um,
Cameron Diaz actually Skyped me.
*shouts hello* Hey!
I'm just filming!
And that is something I have never shared before. But, it was...
such a huge help. She...
Skyped me for, like, an hour and a half, and we just talked. And she,
like, coached me. She basically gave me the best tips
that I have carried with me in order to...
get back to a good place, I think. And also just to put some perspective on it all. Like,
it is weird being well-known. It's weird. It's not something that you can learn anywhere.
So to have her give up some of her time to speak to me...
meant the world to me. And she is honestly one of just the loveliest people in the world.
And now I am much more confident. I am much more happy, I'm much more settled. I feel like...
my mind hadn't quite caught up with the speed everything was happening. But now I feel like
I'm there. We're matched.
And I've learned not to really care anymore.
You know? It's my life,
I can choose to live it how I want to live it.
If you're another content creator and you're struggling with, like, being stopped in the street or, like, being well-known,
hit me up. Because I actually have- I've learned a lot of things.
Does that make me sound really, like,
big-headed? I don't think so. I think I've just, like, experienced it, so I can share my, like,
I can share my journey, I guess. And that might help other people. Because just like Cameron did with me,
I feel like I might be able to help other people if they were experiencing that also. I dunno.
I think it's nice to share that...
experience and knowledge.
Because it's not something you can really Google. *chuckles*
That was a really long answer. I'm sorry.
Whitney said, 'What's your blood type?'
D'you know?
I don't know.
Should you know what your blood type is?
Mum? Dad? Do you know what my blood type is?
I probably should know that.
I'm just filming a Q and A.
[Alfie:] Ah!
I've had the most amount of distractions in this video.
[Alfie:] Sorry. I thought you were just chatting to yourself.
No.
*laughs* When do I ever just sit and chat to myself?
AdoringJasper says "Do you ever regret doing things off YouTube, like books, beauty products etc.?
Have you ever felt like you've lost focus on YouTube?"
I do not regret doing those things because some of those things have been the most exciting...
big projects.
It's quite nice to have things to work on, like ongoing things to work on
with, like, deadlines and, um,
big, like, releases and...
things that I'm able to also share with people
offline.
Do you know what I mean? Like, I quite like that there's that difference, you know?
You've got the online thing and then you've got little pieces of you that you're able to share with other people.
And I really like that aspect.
Those things are great because you have to be on the ball, and I think those things have
given me more experience and knowledge of owning a business.
And I think those things have been really fulfilling for, like, my mid-twenties.
So, I've enjoyed that, and I've enjoyed...
kind of, more of the, like, running business side of things, and like,
how different that is to sitting down and making a video.
But I don't think it's ever made me lose focus of YouTube.
YouTube is always, like, my fun, kind of thing.
I enjoy this. Like, this doesn't feel like work to me.
Sitting down, filming this video for you guys, does not feel like work.
It doesn't feel like a business venture. It's just fun.
Um, but it does mean sometimes my schedule is crazier,
because I have other things to be working on, and those things take up a lot more time than I ever thought they would.
Um, and that might mean, there's like,
less vlogs sometimes, or more vlogs in some cases
because I get to, like, film those things and share them with you.
But, I think finding a balance is quite difficult, but...
I love doing all of it so,
that's the only route, finding a balance was the only option.
"How does Alfie help you through your anxiety and if you had any exes who were exceptionally supportive...
or dismissive of your anxiety."
And that was by "Sugg-ulent"
Um, Alfie is very supportive with my anxiety, thank goodness,
but I have had exes who were not. at. all.
And that is very difficult. I think...
having something like anxiety is always difficult for someone who you are the closest with.
Um, whether that is a friend, or a family member, or your partner.
It's always hard on them, because they're the ones that see it at its worst,
and they can't do anything, apart from show their support in a way that you would like them to.
You can give them helpful advice on what they can do to help you.
Which is something I...
never did before. I just thought, 'Well they should know how to help.'
And it's like, well why would they? Unless they actually have anxiety themselves,
and in a lot of cases anxiety is so different for everyone,
there will be no one that experiences...
my anxiety exactly how I experience it anywhere else in the world.
It will always be slightly different. It might be about the same thing, but it will vary.
Um, and so how can you ever expect someone else to know exactly what to do unless you tell them?
I think if someone genuinely cares about you,
they will want to do anything they can to help you.
And that's the difference between Alfie and some of my exes, I think.
*laughs* I think it was a hindrance...
for some. It was annoying. It was like, 'Well, why have you left the pub? I don't understand.'
'Why can't you come with me to this?'
And it's...
for some people it's very hard to grasp.
And that's just a general thing with mental health.
Some people just can't understand...
mental health, or they can't understand why anyone would feel that way.
Which I think must be a lovely position to be in,
because it means they've never experienced it in any form.
And that's great. Um...
But I think it is important for people to open their minds slightly, I think.
Um, and be a little more empathetic, sympathetic...
uh, towards how other people might struggle with something sometimes, and generally speaking,
everyone around me now is, uh, very supportive.
Oh, I've got a missed call. Who's that from?
"How do you actually deal with things like bitchy people, etc.?
Like, how do you go about rising above it?"
I actually did see Louise tweet...
a quote, which is one of my favourite quotes. I have seen it somewhere before, but she's reminded me,
because she literally tweeted it yesterday,
and I feel like this is the best thing to reply to this.
I'm not gonna lie, it took me a good...
five years to not care about what people said about me.
And it's human nature to see one horrible thing that's been said about you,
and to really think about that.
But you just have to focus on the positive, and...
I dunno. I sort of stopped caring about what people said.
Like, I can read it and it doesn't, like, it doesn't affect me in the same way, because...
I'm so aware there are so many people in this world,
and so many different...
life manuals. Which is something my therapist actually told me about.
Everyone has a different life manual. And...
we all...
and in our life manuals are things that we have grown up knowing,
things we have experienced, religions, um...
certain opinions on things, and everyone's is different.
And sometimes you're gonna meet someone who has such a different manual to you
that it's like, you- it doesn't even, like, compute. You're just like, 'heh?'
But that's because that's them speaking from what they know. And I've sort of...
I dunno, that's really helped me. Because it doesn't mean they're evil people,
it doesn't mean they're horrible. It just means...
they think differently to you. And that's not...
necessarily awful, it's just...
that's the way their mind works. And actually, I don't know them.
And I'm never gonna meet them.
And they don't know me, really. They've seen my videos maybe, or they've watched one,
or they've seen a tweet and they've made a judgment, but they don't really know me. And...
therefore, I don't attach that same...
feelings...
towards a negative tweet or comment anymore. I dunno.
It's the nicest thing. It's like swimming against the tide
for so long, and then all of a sudden, the sun comes out, and the sea is calm, and you're like, 'Oh.'
That's weird. I just don't care anymore.
The quote is:
"Lions don't lose sleep over the opinions of sheep."
And I love that. Because...
you're a lion, and those people saying things about you that don't know you, or...
you know, don't matter, are sheep.
And that's what you have to remember.
I liked this one. Georgia said,
"Have you ever been attacked by a fan?"
No. *laughs*
Thankfully, everyone I've ever met has been super lovely.
Caroline said, "If you could ask Nala one question and she would answer, what would it be?"
Ooh.
That's a good question. I have no idea.
'Do you love me or Alfie more?'
*evil chuckle*
Shauna said, "Have-" Hi, Shauna. I've actually met Shauna before.
There's one fan that was lovely to me.
"Have you ever wanted to make different content but held back because of your younger viewers?"
I love this question, because everyone has this- not everyone. I say everyone. It's not.
It's mostly media and...
some people, I think, have this real misconception
that my audience is all very young.
But it's not. It's actually not. My core audience is 18-24 by quite a big... chunk.
I think it can appear younger because most commenters are younger,
people that use Twitter the most are younger,
um, meet-ups, events, book signings,
are mostly the younger audience. And...
uh, I guess people that buy merch are mostly young.
I think the younger ones make the most noise. I think that's what I'm trying to say.
But my core audience is 18-24. So...
with that in mind, I'm so aware that my audience ranges
from as young as, like, seven, which...
is crazy young,
to, like, people my mum's age who I know watch my videos,
or people I've met in the street who have their own children who love watching my videos. So it's...
it's too much of a broad spectrum...
for me to think about it. When I make these videos, I do not think
about who is watching them in regards to age.
I think it becomes too difficult when you start thinking about...
the exact individual that could be watching.
And I feel like that can really change...
who you are. And I've never wanted to do that. So, any video I ever make,
I'm making it because I want to make it.
I'm saying the things I wanna say, because I wanna say them.
The only thing I do do is beep swear words, because...
a, because I know my mum doesn't like it when I swear, *laughs*
and b, because I'm aware that there are younger people,
but I wouldn't take the swear word out.
I wouldn't remove the fact I swore. But I would beep it.
Just in case. *door squeaks* Although the occasional one does slip through.
[Alfie:] Are you filming a Q&A or a documentary?
I'm filming a documentary, I think.
So in short, to answer your question,
no. Nothing I ever do is thinking of a certain age.
Everything I do, I do because I want to do it, and I'm happy with every decision I make.
And...
I think it would be weird- I would personally find it really weird to
think too much about a certain age. I think it would...
it would play on my mind, I would change how I would wanna say things,
but I'm so happy with everything I ever upload, anything I ever...
put on a shelf, everything I do,
I love, and I do it because I want to do it.
I don't do it with anyone specific in mind.
Corina says, "Why are your earnings such a secret?"
I think, in all walks of life,
people don't really talk about the money they earn in that kind of, like, openness.
But also, I feel like it's no secret that YouTubers can earn good money.
But it would be wrong of me to ever state how much,
because then, for someone else who might want to keep it a bit more private, it kind of gives it away.
I would never want to be like, 'Here's what I earned last year', because a, it's just- why would I-
why would you need to? And...
b, because there could be someone else of a similar size to my channel
who might not want anyone to know, and by me revealing that,
I'm then sort of revealing what they could be making. And... I dunno. Like,
I'm happy to talk about it with, like, friends and family,
like, it's not that it's like this big thing that we're, like,
we've been told never to do. It's just...
why would you want to? I don't know. We all know YouTubers can earn a lot of money.
Like, I was able to buy this house, which is amazing.
But it's not...
I think the media try and make it, like, this big thing,
and can I just also point out, the media have never got it right.
There was an article out recently that said that people can get £240,000 on Instagram. I mean,
that would be great, but that is not what happens.
Also I think it's very hard to know how much money someone has,
because you could have millions and millions and millions of pounds
but you might not spend it, so how would you ever know if- how much anyone really earns anyway?
Or you could have barely anything but spend it all, all the time.
There's now way of knowing. There's no way of guessing, I think is the right way of saying that.
SpookilessBrooke said, "I'm very curious about how you felt in your first photo shoots.
Were you scared or excited? I would love to know."
Scared.
I was so scared at my first photo shoots.
I am not a model. I don't know poses. I don't know how to look
to really, like, accentuate my body shape, or to look good. Or I don't know...
how to pose myself to make a great photo. Um...
so... I don't actually remember what my first photo shoot was.
Company Magazine.
Front cover of Company Magazine. I was really nervous. I...
was so anxious to do that shoot.
And also, you're sort of...
letting someone else dress you in something that you wouldn't normally wear,
so you- it's not that you even feel your most confident.
Um, I have been on shoots before where...
they've done my hair how I wouldn't normally do it, but I'm like,
'This looks amazing. And I feel so confident.'
And that can really drive a shoot.
If you feel confident in what they've put you in, or how they've done your makeup or how they've done your hair,
it completely changes how well a shoot goes.
But, if you're feeling really out of your comfort zone anyway,
and then they put you in something that you would never normally wear, and you're like, 'Ooh, I'm just not sure,'
that can be quite difficult.
But if you've got a good photographer,
you'll always feel comfortable, and they will tell you the best ways to, like, be in order to look the best.
And also, no one's ever gonna wanna use a photo of you that doesn't look good.
I feel like. It might not be your favourite, and it might not be an angle that you like, but...
um...
they generally know what looks good. So I just kind of...
hope for the best and let them do their job.
I do this thing where, when I first get on a shoot, I can't- I, like, keep my hands very close to me,
and I'm standing in these photos with my hands like this.
Like,
and then eventually over time, the hands, like,
come away, and then I'm like,
Work it! Work it!
Jokes. I still don't know what I'm doing. It might look like I do, but...
Okay, I think I'm gonna stop there, because I feel like that is so many questions,
and, as Alfie rightly pointed out,
this is pretty much like a documentary right now,
or, like, the longest interview I've ever done.
Huh?
[Alfie, from afar:] Feature-length film.
Feature-length film. Literally.
I really hope you guys enjoyed this video,
and that it gave you a little bit more of an insight.
If there are any other questions that you feel like I've missed,
or something you would really love to know,
there was someone who said 'I'd love to know more about, like, the business side,' so if you have any questions about that, or, like,
products, or anything, then let me know and I can do either, like,
a blog post where I can write down all my answers,
or I can do another one of these if you really enjoy them.
Just let me know in the comments.
And give the video a thumbs up if you enjoyed it,
and I hope you're having a splendid week so far, and I'll see you again very soon!
Bye!