G'day, A.J. Mahari here and in this video I'm going to answer a
question from Quora so for those of you watching this on my Youtube channel
that's the where the question comes from and if you're on Korra that would be
obvious and then I would invite you if you're seeing this on Korra calm or else
on the Internet to please check out and subscribe to my youtube channel at
youtube.com slash AJ mihari so why do people with borderline personality
disorder have such trouble remember remembering conversations accurately and
I think this question might go to when there's more high conflict high emotion
when the relational dynamics get more complex to put it mildly and/or are
somewhat abusive or abusive and or traumatic to those around somebody with
borderline personality disorder so why do people with BPD have such trouble
remembering conversations accurately especially in high conflict or high
emotions or when they're triggered when they have triggered emotional
dysregulation and there's conflict or you don't know why they're having why
they're acting the way they're acting and they may not even realize what
they're doing because it's so subconsciously driven well the biggest
reason is because personal borderline personality disorder
first and foremost will experience something that other people are not
responsible for they feel like it comes from you but it's in them already from
their original abandonment trauma attachment trauma core wound that
arrests emotional development by the age of two
but it becomes immediate and so part of the reason why they have trouble
remembering conversations accurately especially around conflict and intense
emotions when they've been triggered too much on just regulation is because
it becomes a dissociative experience for them that they are in the room with you
in the here and now physically maybe even intellectually to a point but when
they're triggered to these emotional dysregulated feelings it becomes as
dissociative episode of a repetition compulsion so something that's happening
again and often again and again and again in cyclical ways um that is really
a reenactment of something from the past so you in the conversations in these
tickets
you
thrown into the here now in a way that doesn't make sense to anybody else in
here now and the person with PPE doesn't even often realize this happening in the
here and now because they're dissociated their emotions when they're triggered
and emotionally disregulated they can't really think effectively because or
consistently across whatever they've said you said whatever happened because
when they're in these high intense emotions that that floods the rational
you know the thinking parts of the brain which is true for anyone really if
you're in that intense emotion but especially for people with BPD who
encounter these repetition compulsion Xand triggered dissociative episodes and
splitting that goes all hand-in-hand with intense dysregulated emotions that
then blood the the brain in a sense that floods the capacity of the the
structures in the brain that are responsible for thinking um and it's
just all feelings and so that gets a little bit distorted for people with BPD
often so they will still intellectually kind of be there and this well they're
dissociative emotionally or regressing in age emotionally and so the point is
they can remember some things about the situation or what they said or you said
but but for a lot of people it's not very clear as it's clear to you what
happened or what they said but you don't know that you're you were rendered
invisible and then I'll options
people with BPD and they're not usually consciously aware of this at all and
then what loved ones are people closest on with VP and encountering this
especially after when you're like why don't they remember this so they said
that why they saying I did this and everything seems all mixed up distorted
um and a lot of people think that's just because they're trying not to take
personal responsibility that can be part of it at some point but they don't
really ever catch up to exactly all that happened when it was of a dissociative
nature and what you need to know is a person close to somebody with PPU or has
been um even if you've been abused or traumatized by this which happens to
people and people with beeping you don't do it intentionally but it happens and
there's no excuse for abuse or traumatizing another um then what you
need to understand clearly too is that it's not you that's being spoken to it's
it's you're you're now you've taken on the splited this they split and the
split you are now have a split Park object other bad parent representation
so that's another you know key factor in all this you're going to remember what
we said but you have to remember why does it make no sense to you in here now
or not a lot or it's very confusing because they're really not talking to
you here in the air now okay but you're there and you're the one that gets the
Munt of it so the other thing that happens and why people with borderline
personality or have such trouble remembering conversations in these
situations or or episode shall we say like you know complex relational
dynamics that are breaking down in terms of where a high conflict is suddenly
thrust within the relational dynamic whether it's on two sides or coming from
the person with BPD or they're reacting is something they misinterpreted or
distorted that you sad that you didn't mean or things of that nature it's it's
thinking and remembering things really accurately after all that can get
mixed up for people with BPD and distorted for the reasons I said and in
these intents so with the aspects of high conflict and intense emotions or
intense emotions that then trigger the personal VP and they split and then and
then maybe they're actually generating the conflict but they don't know that
and now it's it's a complexion situation or relational dynamic it distorts the
memory because of regression to past experiences to varying degrees for
people with BP because I everybody with BP is the same so people would be you
don't usually outright forget but they do misinterpret in ways that once they
cycle through emotional dysregulation and come back to their baseline they may
not recall the logical order of what happened or what was said to you by them
or what you set back and with the misinterpretations and the layered
layers of the past and you being the bad parental object a lot can get lost and
they don't have awareness or that nownself to call upon to like like
figure out wait a minute okay so like I just got mad at you because it's really
about my mother and it happened because this and this and this
I told once again the therapy they're not going to catch any of that and it's
very subconscious but there's no excuse for what ends up being abuse to others
and so the other thing wanted to say why they don't often remember or seemingly
just you know misconstrue and and don't have the same understanding that you do
in a relatively logical way but you do but you might be missing this other part
about how they're really not raging or yelling or creating a conflict directly
with you although you're there and it starts it to you but then they're
triggered and you're now this bad parent object other parent representation so
it's from the past and it comes into the now and the personal PPE doesn't reel
we have awareness of that unless until they've had a lot of therapy and then
this would stop happening and the other thing is so for the non person I
disorder person close to the person PPE or in that situation you need to sort of
like realize or learn how to realize and slow down that they're actually not even
talking to you because otherwise it like that's why it seems so senseless in the
here now because it is a repetition compulsion and a regression and it's
about the past in the borderlines life so projection and protection and defense
mechanisms against vulnerability and/or personal responsibility as well as all
I've already explained kicking in this natural deflecting way that impedes
accurate factual overall understanding on the part of people with BPD in these
types of situations um and so they're not in the here and
now then and then when they come back to the here now when when they're emotional
dysregulated triggered emotional dysregulated you know dissociative
episode of a repetition compulsion cut ends and they come back to baseline
however long that takes for each person with BPD then after that lots of you
both BPD are not that consciously self-aware to the lack of known self
that coming up again what just happened and they may feel humiliated embarrassed
shame all kinds of old feelings to go with the with the regressed to
dissociated episode of like where they really went when you think they're in
here now aiming at you but they're really talking to you as if you are the
you know the bad object split bad object other wounding parent so um that's
really kind of why that people with BPD will have such trouble remembering these
types of conversations or these conflictual high emotionally intense
situations that like may come out of the blue to you and the personal PPD does is
triggered emotion dysregulated dissociation all of those things that
they may not be at all but it becomes a situation that
gets triggered where it's going to be flight fight freeze and in these
situations with many people PP not all but I think what this question is really
driving at is you know what's happening here why is this happen it's usually
when a personal support line personís order goes into fight and it's it's it's
fight so it's flight from the air now in a way motion intensity dissociation and
like I said also age regression emotionally but it's fighting back at
that time that's thrust into here now due to splitting and the triggered
emotional intensity of the repetition compulsion so I hope that wasn't too
circular and if you're watching this video that this answer encore calm or
else are on the internet please check out my youtube channel at youtube.com
sori /aj mihari because I'm going to be putting up a video very shortly also
that explains in more detail what is a repetition compulsion in borderline
personality disorder and so if you're a subscriber on my youtube channel seeing
it there then watch for that coming soon and if you're not you might want to head
over after that explanation and a plethora of many other videos I have on
for line person I disorder for those with BPD for those who are loved ones or
exiled ones and I talked about narcissistic abuse and all kinds of
other things on my youtube channel anyway so that's my hope hope fairly
quick but not not quick enough really I answer to the question why do people
with more line percent I disorder have such trouble remember conversations
accurately I I'm not sure if that was a general question but the way I
interpreted the question and what led to my answer was I'm taking it that this
may mean you know after there's been conflict after a lot of intense you know
you don't know what just happened there maybe but you know after you got raged
at or after the person withdrew or after just after
kind of conflict and and relational dynamic that doesn't make sense to
people who don't have borderline personality sores so I hope that was
helpful